4U

The breeze of thursday can by. Always fresh, one of the best day in the weekdays. Firstly we'd got western for lunch, and bon appetite! 1 more day to friday~

I'm free of my duties for now and things are not much of a chore unless..

The jungle's getting dark every now and then, with the abundant canopy filtering the sunlight. Little animals like us scrambled around, trying to survive. But what're we fighting for? This unkown predator who's set to make our life difficult.

***

My days wasn't that great. Wasn't in the best of mood. Thou with my persona, I rose up in the ranks, im unusually quiet, throwing in occasional jokes. Confused. Or rather I asked myself what had I become..

Funny how the web of intrigues ties us together isn't it? How I became a monster. And why would I be such a beast to hurt such a fallen angel, who showered me with endless kindness and love throughout the years.

How our past chase us like hell hounds. How our past can't leave us, follow us till the grim reaper came to collect our soul..
How inevitably funny when I'm the ring master of the hell hounds, casting them to tear your flesh and souls.

***

My story is complicated, probably too complex to weave what's in my mind into a drama. But I do believe in this fairy tale. Whether have u fallen from the skies, or whether is this fated, is this important? Think man-made destiny. I clasped my palms together, in between joss sticks, seeking advices and blessings from the ancient idols that chinese's worship for years. I need, a voice to heed. A voice who could calm the rage in my mind of seas, a voice who could hail light and bring us out of darkness.

Like an angel with broken wings, u rest upon my beastly claws. U never thought of returning to where you came from, for u might forgot how it's like to stay in the heavens, safely guarded by your parents. And how I changed you, tore ur soul apart and break your heart. How beastly I am, going on occasional rampage and how u embrace me to your bosom, telling me everything will be alright.. I saw how u use ur tears to mend my heart and soul, but what can I do? I still couldn't fight the inner demons in my mind. I wanted to embrace you, love you. But things just kept go out of the way..

I threw u like a toy, a ragdoll who's always smiling no matter what the owner did to it. Talk to it when he's feeling happy or vent his frustration, crushing it's invincible cotten content with his fist, or stamping with his feet. There the ragdoll still smiles. Oblivious to its tears. The owner took it as some water which the ragdoll might got it's wetness from. There from the corner of the eyes, the ragdoll saw the owner left..with tears streaming down her eyes.
You're my happy pill
***

Now angel, can we live to see the lights?
Tell me we can and I'll hold your hand forever.
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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

280312

I breathed in the air of wednesday.. The air of the midweek.. Looks like I'm not staying for duty afterall~

***

Wednesday passed in a flash..

***

Somehow..

I..

I can't sleep..

...

Why does it hurt so much..

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

260312

I'm sorry.

I'd hurt you again.

I know I'd fucked up.

I know.

You're not here, and I missed you.

I traced your face, it was cold. Ur seamless hair rest upon your shoulders, your smooth neck and collar bone, as I breathed in..

You're all I needed and I'm all you had. The thought of me always being the receiving haunts me till now.. I haven't been a good lover and you're always giving.. Putting in effort, but me, the years had grinded me jaded. Shabby, lazy.


Thoughts of apologies swarm my mind as I lay down on my bed, flipping around as I'm slapped by insomnia. I'd screwed up again..

***

Before I know it, it's alrdy morning.

And before I knew it, I'm on my way home, with a bad headache due to stress and a pair of sore and fatigue eyes.
I hate breaking last minute promises. And I know it's very last minute.. I didn't wished for it either..

My social links too.. It's growing.. But it's way too fast and beyond my imagination now. Cliques after cliques. I'd join in far too many groups and I know I couldn't have the best of both worlds.. Time to manage my social links too..

***

Fly.

***

Anyways before I leave, anyone'd got dota 2 invites??! If you're looking for a not so regular player cos I'm still stuck in the league. U can always pop by my profile and ping me for a game~ search blue pills.

***

Just so you know, you mean a world to me.
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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

210312

U flap your feather less body, bald from birth. I can still see the pink in your flesh, with the shape of your skeletal, drawing out the distinct figure of you. You scream silently, calling out to your parents as you blindly opened your mouth, waiting to be fed. I saw your soft beak, very soft, moving together with the little muscle that seems to be taking its toll as you stretch your beak weakly. You're no bigger than the size of my thumb.
You're breathing heavily, panting, as if struggling to survive. You're being bought to this world, unknown, naïve, your just on your first step to adapt to earth.

Yes. I'm watching a baby bird.

***

I would never expect that within the gigantic concrete slabs of flats would this tiny weeny greenish bird would find its comforts of its nest in one of those ceramic bonsai of my neighbor. Marveled by such occurrence. I went to look at this oddity located at the far end of my corridor. Everyday I saw its mother harvesting the egg, rubbing the egg with its pale yellow body, waiting for these little kindle surprise which is no bigger than the nail of my index finger to hatch into life.

Everyday, I watch, amazed by how an animal can spend it's day while humans could only complain despite given such a powerful brain to store memory, display emotions, and thus inventions come into play.

***

Everyday I watch, being a cute timid mother, she would always flutter away when we get too close. I saw her slept I saw her rest, in the nest which surround her like a mini float. This is one humble mum, I thought.

And one day, it hatched. I looked, but was overwhelmed by sadness as I realize there's only 2 eggs, different from the usual 4. What could have happened I thought. Mum told me that months ago, this little bird, had her bundles of joy eaten by another bird, probably its predator, stealing its happiness from her. For once, I wanted to understand them, those little species of things that we came across during our everyday lives, oblivious to its new surrounding. Buildings were erected, instead of trees. Seems like humans are the one who invaded to this territory of the animal kingdom, altering the way of the food chain.

Fear crept into my mind as I saw the now nest having its 2nd member in the house. The wind blew and I saw the bonsai dance weakly amongst the wind.. It's weak, I prayed for no storm under this young one learn how to fly...

***

midweek came in a flash, and there I took my fair share of holiday as I'm spending the night with my loved ones. Doing a saturday duty last week, I felt as if I'm stuck in weekdays.. Half day off for my medical appointment today, and I was dreading how to spend it...

***

My noise filled up the office and we laughed like uncivilized soldiers, as if we'd won a medal. Was on high form today and I actually could felt myself easily reviving my rowdy persona amongst the 'dicks-only' environment. Given any presence of pussy I would have shrunk my balls. Spewing words of humor and vulgar I was inevitably termed the joker of (my dept) after the outburst of my persona. You got no idea how quiet and timid I use to behave, giving only a humble nod and giving appropriate comments every now and then. Compared to then, I'm uncivilized, speaks like a barbarian, or behaving like a brat.
people there were nice thou. I'm well taken care off and I'm glad I wasn't bestowed any great responsibility which I might screwed up of.

Only bad side might be the culture and saturday duties, but come to think of it, 24 sats in 2 years, so it might not be that bad as it seems. Culture wise, the jungle is like walking on a tight rope, so... I still couldn't determine my fate yet.

***

Time flies before I knew it and I'm chattering with almost everyone. Half excited, I'm also half reluctant to leave as my bros wanted me to stay. I like how brightly the sun shines after the storm in the jungle. With my now strengthen social links I'm prepared for the tests in tartarus. For now..
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140312 (3Rain)

The Rain

I pushed open my umbrella and started walking. Without plugging into any music, I wanted to hear the sound of the rain. The sound of them hitting mercilessly against my umbrella, the sound of them slapping onto the concrete ground.
Yes, it rained again..

I stretched my hands out to feel the droplets of the rain. I'd love rain since young. When I'm naïve, when I believed in miracle and fate. Those micro meteors of H2O nvr fails to amazed me, as I love to cling onto my the window and watch those evaporated waters casted down upon the earth from the skies.

It'd been ages since I played in the rain, lying on the ground, or running out with my hands spreaded out as if accepting salvation.
6 7 years? Time do flies, they said we should never waste youth. I'm not sure whether did I, but ironically we were at our lowest point of intelligence. It's like giving a kid $10 and tell him/her not to waste it, and they would be ending up spending it on $10 of color candies and junks.
watching the rain rested upon the earth, I'd reckon life is a least a bit similar to the rain. How inevitable as how the end always 'is'. How time won't wait as the rain fell down from heavens. We're once like the evaporated waters, hugging each other in the clouds, earth seems so beautiful, but we're on the other hand too timid to take the plunge, the leap of faith. From the towering heights upon the skies.

But with a little push, we went. Like a child who's learning cycling, we went with our parents guiding hand. that also would be our mentors in life. And there, we took the leap of faith..

Of course some will succeed, forgotten the hands of their guide had been let go off, gliding down the pavement, with smiles of their face. And there's always failures. Fallen, wounded, but would came out with a weak smile to mark the start of their plunge. As if in the war of romance, 'at least I'd tried'.

Then we would be on this path of route that'd been generalized. The path of inevitability. We pursue knowledge, but do we pursue our dreams?

We'll then went onto the trail of work.
Yes, the trail of work. I'm serving my nation now.. A rite of passage for guys, It's a love hate feeling, i do like it somehow, as it's like the last guide after tertiary level, giving me some time to think and plot the path of my future.
Giving my weekdays and occasional weekends. Minus the green uniform, this life might be not much different in the future. Succumbing to work, sharing problems with someone whom we called a spouse. Given that we'd a life time to search for them, without any clues from god, we're just blindly feeling our way thru. Some got pricked, some found, but threw it back into the gigantic basket. Yet some others found what they want.
There we provide for our family, regardless of gender, we submit to work, with the likes of financial benefits we fueled our homes, cars and whatever else we wanted. If policeman and astronaut still cool? At times point of time, do we still remember our dreams?
Or so do we have time to pursue them in life?

Not many could enjoy the luxury of living their dreams. Living their life..
Like a rain drop, we then ended our tough journey, upon the earth. There we will returned back to the soil. What given by our parents, ancestors, we will thus return to where they will be..

Topic: Rain (incomplete)

***

Hugging onto the tiny waterproof mushroom, I hasten my pace as the rain slapped onto my umbrella. Yes, it's already midweek. It's wednesday~
But come again, what's there to look forward to when you'd got duty on saturday?

***

Clapping my hands together, I prayed. It's audit period now & I hope everything goes well.. Time flies as usual when I'm doing work and before I know it.. Fall out :3 and we're all rewarded by getting the first bus~ I'm not even really counting down the hours anymore. Even thou I do take occasional glances at my watch.

Í love the way I live now, for I could meet u, meet my loved ones. Just being home, near them would make me a little happier inside. My comfort zone, my mum's cooking. I appreciate all of it..
My life isn't happening at all. Those who knew,
Knew. No alcohol no nights out. Just simple chit chats, meet ups, supper, movies and sleep overs. Throw in some computer games and that pretty much sums up my weekend or just spending time, drifting in my mental ocean.

***

The rain stopped in the jungle, and we can see birds flocking together, squirrels retreating back to the holes of the oak for warmth, the jungle is quiet now, despite being hectic at times, twisted, and a difficult place to survivor. For once... I might give this jungle a second chance for it seemed beautiful..
There wednesday passed silently..
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120312

The pavements are empty, it seems like I'm the only one who's awakened on a monday morning. There was a small drizzle, the shadows of the trees danced to the winds..

Today would be the week that I dread for the month of march. Cancelled my MAs to meet my quota, and to top it off, it's my duty this week..end. Yes weekend duty. Staying in camp for the whole of saturday, might not seem like an ideal way to spend it. Been planning a few things to do. Bought some books, put some games into my phone. I hope it would pass before I knew it. Just taking it as a day chalet. Outlook for the month of march might not seem that positive for now. Things happened. (P.S. I'm not sure whether can I blog about it, but those who're with me knew..)

***

I'm downed by the blue syndrome, moodless. It wasn't any better with my brow and comrades as my mood just sinks down.

***

Work work I'm drowned by work. Thou it sucks when there's work, ironically work would make time pass faster.

Mood change for the better now and I hate to admit it, but I just have to look at the positive side. For now...
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Storm is coming.
Feels like the lowest point of my life yet.
I love routine, mundane, simplicity is bliss.

Yet life's like a game. You have to keep casting the dice. Your fate is ever changing. No matter how much you love your current state, you can't cling onto your place once it's your turn. As if force to throw the dice.

If you didn't, there's a timer for countdown. It would auto roll if you didn't..


I happened to me once, it got me here, but I manage to get out of the swamp, stay alive. I befriend people, comrades. It's not wartime now, but what am I fighting for?

***

There it happened again. In life, u have to keep moving. You can never stop once you're dancing against the cursed music of the society. Your feet can't stop tapping and you're to abide by this dirty symphony which purge millions of population, every single day.

It's the same here.
I know I can't run.

-end post-

070312
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2tuesday

060312

Busiest day of my life in army. Cleared store stuff and pack stuff, also issuing stuff to people from diff department.
Thought cursed with fatigue, I felt a little sense of achievement building up in me.

Maybe I'm not that useless after all~

***

Tuesday, my group calls for an impromptu dinner after fall out, and since 3 out of 4 are from Ngee Ann, we decided to dine by timah market. Well thing'd changed thou. many shops were closed. The serving'd shrunk. But nevertheless still delicious. I ate my trademark hokkien mee + sugar cane.

Guess it's time to reward myself for literally working my ass off today :D rest for like less than 3 hours? :3

But of course, building up my social links and all. Life seems much better now despite the unchanging culture, still purging us and leeching our morales.
Yes, it is still hard to survive. But I'm glad I m manage to find ways to get by.

***

There my persona came out. What I had been keeping since I came safac. Joker. I'm hell lot of noisy now,
as if being amplified, I could take on people now, I'm glad thou. This side usually perks my mood up and would makes me "loveable" in any other way. who likes a cold and quiet guy who's no different than a corpse.

I finally got the hermit to emerge. It's really difficult, but it's sooner than I expected. Well people who knew me know how much of an ass I could be with strangers/ ppl I'm not close with

***

Fark. Forgotten my earpiece. Cursing silently on 171 while feeling around the numerous pocket in my no. 4. Could I have dropped it actually?
FML no pls. And I won't even know the answer until when I get back.

***

Mood's relatively good. I'm humming a tone :3
Maybe meeting w/ bao tmr makes me feels excited~

Huat ah.

***

League players! It's tuesday! And you know what?! It's the new free champion roatation day! KNN can't wait to get my ass right infront of my com naoz!

***

Mid-week nw.. Time actually flies, despite being in the hardest times. Light would come before you knew it.

Hope my month of march is a bed of roses.. And daisy~
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BLUE

Was playing BLUE by big bang as I was tucking my lace to my boots and all.. Yea, it's the first Monday of the month~

Mondays are always coated with blue as usually as I woke up with a bad ache on my back.
Set a 5 mins timer and I tried to lie facing up, arching my back and giving it a few strong knocks at It, as if repairing an old problematic machine.

Then I thought of you..
Mornings are always like that for me and I would marvel at how amazing/powerful would one's presence or even existent can do. I wish you were here, I always do..
It's magic for humans to feel like that, just that little bubble of thought floating in our mind that's so vivid but so strong at the same time that it won't pop. This thought that gives me extra strength to live, to look forward to tmr or even pushes me to strive.

Powerful, yet intangible. As if created by our thoughts, invisible by others.

***

Though still stressed by it. I'm okay with by life right how. How simple those routine would be. But still suffocating by the culture of my department.. It might seem okayish for most people. But sign-ing extra that easily is only the tip of the iceberg. But with a fierce and "strict" boss might make it all seems to be us training to walk on a tight rope in a circus and lashing sounds could be heard from the circus headmaster, whipping his whip onto the ground, as if hitting us, and of course scowling at any slightest mistake we could've make that would spoil the show.

***

"She never came.."

I waited :3
(now playing raspberry field - she was right)

***

Maybe its the blues.
Feeling down. Guess ill end it like this~
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Seated in some random corner, oblivious to my surrounding. It's wednesday today. It's my duty day. It's leap year today.

The bus came quickly, I reach early, seems like I'm ahead of schedule. But I could only count down from 24 hours after 530pm. Not in my funky self today, was probably purge with fatigue that I'd purposely indulge myself with so I could sleep more on my duty day. Slept at 230am and I'm half dead by evening.

The choice of choosing between the hot stuffy room or moving the mattress to the office annoys me. I'm lazy and the office's crowded. But yet retreating to the hot stuffy room does seem like the best option. But the atmosphere is even worst then sleeping outside despite having installed numerous fans.

***

I'm lonely. Alone. Even monkeys came out, dating by the road, giving a free screw show or plucking insects out of each other's hair while the other party nua-ed on the road.
Feels like I'm being teased on this one.

***

Then I slept..
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Fly day

"Eh xiao di"

-pretends not to hear-

-calls out to me afew mre times-

(guilty conscious caught up with me)

Pulls out my earpiece and gave an innocent "ya?"

"Min bus fare 1.10"

"Uncle, uhm -scratches head- tbh I forget to bring my wallet out today, and I dk"

-smiles, ahh ok la-

-laugh at my own luck, thank e uncle and apologise while patting his back. Lolz-

***

Yes, I'm going home :)
I miss you...

***

I was awaken by my first alarm, struggled to get up but annoying slumped back onto the comfort of my bed after setting a 5 min timer.

Time flies as if I'd just wink. I curse at my fate and went to prepare..
Peering out of my windows, I saw the multistorey carpark pelt by endless droplets from the skies..
Darn.. Rain..
My heart was half filed with angered and emo-ness.

That aside. Rain puts things out of routine, lengthen my route and makes things difficult.

My day started out like any worst day in a drama. Seriously. But of course, there's a silver lining within any dark cloud.

Prepared and went to take 2 $1 coin and into my pocket. I always rationed myself so as to control my spending @ the canteen.
Ate alittle and all.
I hate the rain, nevertheless. I curse knewing I had no choice bt to bring an umbrella with me. Brought an umbrella that I bought from NTUC long ago just to crossed a road without getting drench.

Guess what, when I point the umbrella out the skies, opening it, the whole of the top part flew off. Like a beheaded mushroom. I panic and tried fixing it as I'm behind time. Gave up and went up to change to another one.

now there's no problem with this one. I brisked walk down the slope and ran little steps to take the bus. As I touch my right butt pocket for my wallet. I realized it's empty.

"Fark"

Did some mental maths and I think I'd got no choice. But to go w/o it.

***

Was basicallly praying for camp to end. When it rains. Bryan's going off @ noon and since we dn have a car, we're praying for rain to stop by 5. But, screw that, we manage to get an efo~

And there, I managed to get a ride after all the hocus pocus~

"Time to enjoy my friday~"
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