Friday, April 29, 2011

the liar & the fool

fuck this shit.
the reason why am i in this little pathetic space of mine which i guess whom accumulated nothing but bytes of thrash.

anyways, happy or sad? i really don't know. i'm not sure whether is it a prophecy or a mere dream since it happened in a "not so far" future.
despite that, i got up pretty much a few things, but only to find myself going back in a gain, i went back twice. and after which i happened to got out of it, it's then a pretty sad ending then.

***

Things happened, i'm not sure why but it's just a huge mass of memories being thrown in together in a blender.
Yes, all the happy times i could think off, like a power point.
and of cos our 5 years old pact.
*it became fuzzy*
I got up, and i tried my luck back again. Yes i got back,
but then of one the guy got into a picture. i slowly analyzed his persona,

lots of things happened, and suddenly we're in a room. i'm with a gang of guys in the room, waiting for something which i don't know about. it's like a sort of a japanese slidedoor class room. & u came and lock the doors, and u told me you're here to say your goodbye.
Neither do you sound sorry, nor are you looking in my eyes. I saw guilt purges through your body. Maybe you're just using me for the moment. like i'm a temporary shelter in the park while you're strolling to find your prince.
(my itunes really feel me, played the same songs 2 times in a row)

"You know he's like that and you're still going?"
"yes.."
"even thou he got a stead and he's gonna just merely jump boat?"
"yes.."

at that point of time, i just simply ran out of reason. I reached out to hold your hand but you pushed it away. It's like you're waiting for the time for sun to shine.

"we texted.. afew times"
(of cos i got into this inevitable rage and starts bombarding question)
"you didn't ask what, so i never say lor"

of cos since the door's lock, we're talking through the window. And i literally got control of the dream, so i just wanted to wake up. NOW.
slammed the roller window real hard, and i'm up.

looks like it's still a grim grim world after all isnt' it ?
i felt as if that i'm reading a book upside down for years. Yet i didn't realize the message hidden within. I took this book cos it's like a fairy tale. But alas, it's a book i'm reading upside down.
The dark earth are not the soil, it's the big patch of dark skies.
The old wrinkled trees are not smiling, are nothing but thousand years old tree demon who'd seen too much of the world.

then i wanted to get back in. i wanted to find reasons why it's happening.
maybe the time's up, and i can't get back to sleep. it's like i keep dialing and dialing yet the other side won't pick. Like a pirate whom kept plunging his hands against the ground yet there's no treasure.
How long do i have to wait, how deep do i have to dig against the pits of love which would indefinitely became the grave which i would fall upon?

i don't know.

Someday

I hope these tears will stop running someday
Someday after this darkness clear up

Everyday I hold out comforting myself “it’ll be alright”
But it makes me afraid little by little
I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don’t
Now I don’t know how longer I can hold out

I hope it helps me now
I hope the God will help me
I don’t have enough confidence more and more to overcome myself

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

why..?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

wAter

that is why i hate playing the hermit, within the crab.
carrying my shell of burdens on my back, filled with the grim past and the dark memories in which hold me back at the wrong times.

i'd seen alot of things screwed up, this too let me do re-access my risk management. Somehow nothing seems right, somehow when i choose to ignore the potion could only last periodically. My back's sloughing and i'm tired. I want to see the light, yet when i saw, i'm afraid to run when my legs are sore, when i'd been cheated too many a times by the trick for the eye.
Mirage-

* * *

head out with Yappa today. guess we'd really talk things out.
and of cos, it really sucks when we're on adult fare.
i'm not complaining, but paying a dollar or 2 for a bus ride is really a pain to my wallet.

& of cos, we drowned in our pitiful alcohol. A jug each is too much for a rite aint it? but this is what happens why 2 guys whom life's filled with trouble came about.

of cos there're physical troubles, but nah i could do with it. Not being physically fit and stuff are okay. But when having multi personas do nothing but wreck thoughts up on my brain. It's a fucking chore when my brain can't think straight.
I thought i might snap for a bit, but i guess i pretty much got myself together, but i'm filled with fatigue. i'd been filling up my calenders with stuff and i really wish things gone well...

I'm paranoid.
imma paranoid bastard who don't see the light.

self interpretation lesson on cancer.
was reading the book: the dark side of horoscope in love
it's a really grim book. DARK, tells u all the cons and weakness u can think off.
like how some horoscope can be flirtatious, wears multiple mask and slices off ur head like a female mantis.
while others tells about how stubborn u can be, causing damage to ur surrounding.

Anyways, mine's one of the worst i guess.
i'd a mindset of a swinger, a happy go lucky dude who sees the sun, however that's not what my star'd been. They're pessimistic regardlessly. They hog on to the past like no other. i hate history, but some things just are engraved so hard in my heart.
yes, traumatic events could change me, and well maybe for life. & yes i'm very very sensitive an and emotional being.

Our stars just doesn't match, & i just can't get my mind off some stuff that i'd come across.
"cast them off like an used gourd, love them and leave them"
i swear i'm not taking this advice. i want to fight, but how could i slay a dragon with a mere shield?

They say if you love, you become prettier
They say if you love, you change a little
What do I have to do to make the love inside me prettier?
When I think about it, tears came

Monday, April 18, 2011

weary

because i'm weary~

Tuesday, 2nd day of the week.
Ytd's so surreal, booked genting, came back, went out to meet the rangers again.

finally got a chance to catch up with artist nesti.

18 April - Meeting NP WDL
19 April - out with Yappa
20 April - MY DAY
21 April - Adel
22 April - Adel & Rangers
23 April - Rangers
24 April - might be meeting kelv

NEXT WEEK

25 April - hair cut/MY DAY
26 April - hair cut/MY DAY
27 April - Getaway @ RWS
28 April - Getaway @ RWS + open joint acount
29 April - Meeting Rangers
30 April - out w/ bros

NEXT MONTH

2 May - TONAGE
3 - 6 May - Genting getaway trip

Thursday, April 14, 2011

rolling

it's been an insanely day for me, for being out since 8 plus in the morning.
well quite a feat eh?!



felt like crying whenever i heard this. it's worst after i'm watching the show. The girl keeps running after the guy, yes literally. She didn't gave up. Whenever the guy shows up, even would she be in the dampest mood will she find the drive to smile.

of cos, she's what a feminine guy like me would wished for. So i could run without fearing that there's no one at my back.

and of cos, how can i not deny that i'm hooked up on the GOS's emo track.
yes, always emotional, and always pessimistic. there are times when i wondered... ever since god stolen my fairy god mother's wand. i'd reduced to nothing but an average chap.
No magic, no nothing.
and well, it hurts to try and it hurts more when nothing happens. i concoct the potion to perfection, but instead of the beautiful pinkish puff of smoke, black water spewed out of my cauldron instead.
deep inside, yes, really deep inside. i know that this unfair laws hidden amongst the rule of love tells it all. You can give it all, but u might lost it all.
maybe i had not lost it, but after countless of sheer unluckiness, i was simply cut to pieces.

nevertheless, not the that my morning got ruin nor despite doing a morning sprint. i got up on 700 thou. thousand blank faces staring at me. Yes this is life i guess. everyone's too indulged into their own business to be even care whatever happens unless someone releases a hysterical scream.

got down the bus and such.. And there i head over to mac..

(i'm typing this on the 15th due to sheer laziness)

and yes, starting my day with the $2.50 deal and perking myself up w/ the 4th episode of God of Study over coffee. Was watching drama and just eating mac on the basement of heeren. yes it's quiet.
& did i mention that sp was on the move swarming island-wide with their flag day?
oppsy, just flag days and camps are not my stuff. and also, it's so hard to reject them when u have to gave the.

i can donate but i can't donate to all cans look.

moving on, which my superb ninja skills, i managed to ninja my way across heeren and to *SCAPE where imma attending the borders sale.
god their warehouse was so big that i'm dizzy upon seeing all the boxes. it's like books all over the place, so much that they only bothered to separate between fic and non fiction.
& WHICH IDIOT PUT PRINCE CASPAIN IN THE NON FICTION SECTION?!
it was pretty empty before, but after 12, ppl came swarming in. GOD, there were lots of milfs, and why just some girls have to wear until so revealing :(
hovering their half covered racks over the books. heng heng lim peh got special training.

that aside, i actually got afew books that would be in used for me, hopefully in the near future before meeting adel after work. So after lunch at plaza sing, we head back to the comfort of my home, after a long detour just to prevent ourself from drenching ourself which was supposing so stupid because we wasted more than 30 mins for just 30 sec of running in the rain.

nevertheless it's all fun& i sorta enjoyed it.

hit the tracks and GOD why is all the yalam and kids crowding my track ?!

i zip around bp anways, and it was crazy. was running and changing routes upon instinct and i ended up from senja to jelapan and from jelapang to fajar and did 2 loops around the gigantic canal before hitting the straight path via segar back home.
yes :D i feel good.

nevertheless i really feel we would work.
you know how much i hate change and how i would not change unless something major happened, but i know it wont change regarding how i feel towards you. but just maybe we just need that sparkle of luck which just extinguished afew weeks back D:
HUAT AH

Monday, April 11, 2011

i'm not sure where this goes.
but from the looks of it, i'm really not sure.
do we really belong together or is this just another sugar dream that will leave me wetting my pillow..?

you're perfect but i don't know what went wrong.

my day today was relatively good, beside this emotional setback. i didn't went breaking down anyways, but my happy go lucky persona was up and while my emo side's on hibernation mode. Maybe that explains the slow replies.

with the drug kicking in. i start thinking when i'm numb.
are we suppose to fight?
i need your assurance, and i know this had been an insanely long journey.
i'm not sure if i'm a social person.
i know i had my fair share of "life" but those were the days.
those "were" the glories day.

i had to put my gym plans aside. and i swear i will go to the gym someday .

i woke up pretty late and despite that, head over to msn and well half dead while catching up on my fairy tail anime.
it's a "bright" anime thou. happy and stuff. yes yes yes i do really need a visual escape from this dark and grim world.
nevertheless i still got my sorry ass up after lazing and met up with Vic & Kd for dinner at lot one.

ages since i met Vic and well we were'nt that close then?
but well, somehow we are now.
&

*My mind was in a blank state when i thought of this*

SBS - si bei sian
SMRT - Suck money really tokong

lolz. moving on, well we got back to my place and they crash and we kinda played the classic monopoly.
and please buy the train station if you have :D
because it's really fucking awesome!

anyways. we sort ende dour day with supper with jon and yes. that pretty sums it all.
but something feels missing thou,
that feeling ... isit like the first time we b***k ..?
i really felt so empty D:
i know something's wrong but.. :/

i hope things turn out well in the end.
nights

Sunday, April 10, 2011

zzzzzzzz

mind can't event allocated stuff to my brain.
am i okay to be like that? ;/
oh am i just unfit for long term relationship D:

Thursday, April 7, 2011

less

Alas i'm literally back on track after 2 days of procrastination,
despite panting from my rounds, i got my sorry ass seated right infront of my blog page, while my fingers ramble through the keys. Soz, was still honing my mind over body technique and well it didn't turn up quite well as i'm a very pessimistic person (refers previous post). With laziness, cherry on top and darn :(

WAS FUCKING ABOUT TO WALK UP TO MY HOUSE BY STAIRS, when my drive got extinguish the moment some lamp post went black up just above me while walking back.
it's like the only lamp post :(
i wonder if there's any scientific explanation for this, but this just irks me when it's too late at night D:

moving on today is a would be great day, but things sorta fall, "in places" unluckily and yes this trips off the happy circuit and yet unlucky stuff came falling down like domino. & i'm unusually smirking when we were like 10 mins late for the movie and we manage to make it before the credits came rolling, as we entered as the last advertisement ended despite queuing up for like 10 minutes for our goodies.
i happened to be whining like a kid and yes, sorry if i'm too much of a perfectionist and sometimes failure just stabs me like a knife on my heart.

that aside, limitless is a rather anticipated film



& that charming guy there? bradley cooper's one of my man idol next to mr Robert Downey Jr.

Yes, you'd seen the trailer, but how did it really went. The peculiar credits behold and yes i would say this work is one of a masterpiece. awesome cinematography, no too much of a boring still cuts of him popping the pill nor is there any of those lame ass still camp which hangs like a bird eye view while u see things happens.
BUT BUT BUT, limitless would be quite limited as i would like to say :/
despite showing you how limitless he could get, apparently it was rather dry, and as i thought there would be a dark part in the film.
My hunger for the harsh dark realism came about, thought i could savour the fact that he isn't gonna make it or he would be someone who once have it but am now a mentally or physically decapitated man.

But alas, why didn't i notice this book had a golden frame?
& well it's all up to you to decide, but i guess.
anyways, it is all well and entertaining :D
i giving it a 4.5 cos someone tells me RIO is 4 :(

And yes for a moment, i went in a "menopause" mode later on. Yes i know this isn't me, but for a moment, i got no fucking idea what'd got into me.
anyways i sort of went detached with the world for abit and that got me thinking.
what'd i been doing, am i doing the right things? well lazing and doing nothing worth of any beneficial value would it done to me, good or bad?
but i'd like to admit i'm considered a novice when i'm playing therapist to others, but why am i such an amateur when it comes to my things? i should be able to at least analyse and find a quick solution.
but what am i doing? had i gone tired of the lukewarm routine that's never enriching? or am i tired of being .. me :(

And sadly this all drags throughout the night while we're at it.
despite that i'm not going to forget the beautiful performances right by the bay of the marina sands. Bubble lovers, ignore the video and enjoy the sounds and bubbles. it's magical (:

***

anyways, after what happened today, i really thought that love is like a duet, like a mix tape. whether you're both of the same stream, nor are you of the opposite. It might sound beautiful if you play it together. but moreover, this difference only points out the difference in our different views of things, our different perspective of the world...

Love is like singing a duet, likewise those in rhyme sync together.
where lovers of the same kind, came together, singing without any stutter.
this ain't no telepathy, nor this is a chior
but with the likes of the tune, you could see if you can last forever

mine's different, never the same
while mine's the orchestral while indies's my dame's
i had my own cicle, whom i play really well
but another others, only time could then tell
while your's are enticing indies, always embracing others
you got me down at your feet, and then you got my mother.

thou we know we sang differently, but somehow we could compromise each other.
with my loud trumpets honing, bring us joy and laughter.
my song is a difficult one, who is really required only selective listener.
while yours captivates almost everyone, soothing birds of all feathers.
dear, will this song end, for i would never know
but then i would never forget, how our fairy tale unfolds.

however storm may come, dark clouds would still gather
but alas, i hope. For our r/s to get better.

*MOOD* FUCK THIS SHIT D: T_T >x<

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Took a trip down memory lane since it'd been quite long since i'd blogged.
was high lighting what i'd been doing lest i forgot :(

seems like i'd forgotten :/ what i'd been doing

Slack @ Home
watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Meet up w/ Aaron

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

4GOT

Tuesday.
i'd been forgetting what i'd been doing and this sucks T_T

GOD!

(4/8/2011 3.29AM)

fuck this.

rmbed i wanted to build my gundam toys that i'd gotten from expo but :/

It's a pathetic tuesday... if i didn't then what did i do...?
did i see adel back from work? :/



*mood* irritated cos i can't rmb what i'm doing on tues & wed.

Monday, April 4, 2011

anyways back from my run and i'm treated to some pretty chio yoona vids (:



ZOMG HER THIS HAIR.



:( gien
si bei gien

Friday, April 1, 2011

dMAN

April Fool! :D
well i didn't trick anyone today, but anyways spend the other half of my day with ma rangers.
MVC @ vash's place is really awesome and i'd really like to admit that his place is one of the place that i'm really comfy with.

i'd been to many places of my friends and well some of them had given me some weird creeps. Say i just felt uncomfy, not due to any supernatural instinct, but it isn't fun at all. No offense but it's like a book with a beautiful cover but lukewarm content. Not that it's boring, some of'em had got their fair share of entertainment, like a gigantic tv & a ps3.
but well, maybe closeness and the attitude of the host is a very very important factor. & also well maybe what we do is something impt as well :D
i enjoyed playing the role of the spectator but obviously not spending 3 hours trying to see you kick ass in your ongoing installment of the RPG.

nevertheless dinner @ subway was great when kunda join and after that followed by Zak who'd just booked out LATE. Was discussing about the new army phones that me and kd is getting and i just realized that i might only have like 20 contacts in my new phone :/
it's a joy to meet up with you guys and it's pretty amazing to see that how much we matured as the topics we talked are not just cartoons and girls, BUT of cos' girls'd always been trending in our talks but also coupled with army, news or any latest epic news.

***

sad to say. i felt really sorry for your friend.
i'd hope that Jill will use every ounce of her strength to make him see the point.

it's the game, and humans of the male species had this thing in them, coupled with pride, i call it the superior blood theory. I'd discussed this with aaron and kd before and yes we do have "superior blood", coupled with the fact that we're chinese. You'd seen how Chinese touched on the fact regarding the importance of pride and all. But also, who's being in control or who wanted to be in control of the relationship is another factor. You can't forget not to look at who's more willing to contribute to improving the relationship too thou

the guy might be disconnected from this link which you'd established regarding contacts of the opposite gender and yes this happens when guys are just guys. common problem.

...Why ang mo are so cool with bgr and didn't think much that their spouse had sex with any other beings of the opposite gender, yet us chained by the threads of traditions takes it so seriously.
some of you might be thinking you're cool with that. there're girls living in this new era of clubbing girls providing one night stands to the likes of lustful wolves or virgin seeking for stories to tell their friends. But main point is, most of us at this generation'd not moved on by this :(
i'm one of the living example.

BUT BUT, for men.
being visual creatures, it's the sad truth that we stares at babes and ladies with hot curves but having an extra company is yet another bonus.
and of cos, deep inside most men. they'd theories like men who play are "ai zai" but women who play is categorized into the "got played" section and she's slut.

Guys who're reading this, please wipe off the smirk in your face and stop crossing your fingers with your left hand. :x

gender equality had risen over the years and i hope people who're in a relationship needs to have a mutual understanding or maybe bind contract against their spouse so as to avoid any misunderstanding/miscommunication.
i'd got friends w/ stead whom goes to club every weekend, him to zirca and his gf to rebel. Some couple are alright with post open exposure of the other halves. yet others are not. I wont call it overprotective or being over possessive coz' one need to learn how to know their limit and some couple might not give a green light.

i would really like to admit i'm one of that kind. I got jealous extremely easily and trust me, i would want to lock my gf in a cage if it's possible :D & i hates if when she talks to some guy -_- or when guys strips her in their mind, despite saying it's very sak ki. i hates it when it happens.
P.S. i know the looks, cos i do that too :)
yet deep inside me i want guys to notices her and sees a guy like me is bathing in bliss with a cute gf D: but moving on,

it happens when you want him/her to be completely yours, of cos seeing is believing, so i assume that by physically "keeping" her would provide the extra assurance that i would need. Exaggerations aside, this is no secrets of the men but us men won't mind to sacrificing things of his possessions with the likes of time and a portion of his wealth to get into the favor of his lady or any lady that's appealing to him. That's of cos when looks/personality comes to play. but when the other half is just a friend while you're attach, at least let the players know the rules. Show her the ring on your finger and that draws the line into the amount of skin ship or companionship she could expect. But sometimes guys are ambitious for a reason, they wanted to have the best of both worlds. That's when china have concubines.
Unless she/he keeps pushing themselves to you, then you better do something about it and guys, please don't let the pea brain below your waist level make any unpardonable mistakes.

i know men find it thrilling to "smoke" the other party, like not letting her know that you're attach. You wanted to give her the tiny beacon of hope and wanted her to "interact" with you like you're single. Or, this gives you the privilege to feel single at the very least. D:
I love pokemon too but that's just men. Gotta catch'em all.

Maybe half of the time i didn't really know what i'm rattling about, whether am i explaining or describing. And whether this wall of text could either be the food for inspiration/enlightening, or even act as an extra piece of general information or might even sadly be categorized under junk D:
Nevertheless if disectecd throughly or correctly would the post be a a huge chunk of text.
let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.