play ; therapy

My last psychotherapy.

It's beautiful.

It touched my heart.

it touched me so bad that i want to remember all of it.

this moment whereby i play back my life, and play it on the paper right in front of me.

the most beautiful 5 stage of my life.

i can never forget,

how such tiny toys can reply the scenes of my life, bringing the miniature right onto me.

how i changed, from a colorless boy, to someone who found his first best friend,

how i learn how to cherish friendship, and found a buddy that been with me throughout my lifetime,

how i changed, to some noisy bickering rowdy bastard.

how i toned down, and run blindly after the girl of my dreams.

how i gave her all my firsts, without regret, despite all the hurts and heartbreak, and how i'm willing to go thru it all over again just that it's worth it and it attributes to who i am.

how i found that guy gangs are not that bad after all, recruiting the brotherhood. no matter how different we are, but we stand united, together against all odds.

and slowly, the phase of life when i met friends who're worth of a keeper, friends worth connecting for, going that extra miles for, and friends that i'll look after and keep them with me.

it all ended with a beautiful painting that i'd conjured with my memories,
the different phases of life and how much i'd changed.
i'm grateful, for what bestowed upon me. i always learnt how to appreciate.

admiring the finest painting,
i took a snap shot in my mind and keep it deep in my heart.













of course, not forgetting the current hiccups that i'd been getting.
i want to be free.
i want to be set, free..

need to get moving

hb

when i said i miss you,
i really do.
when i said i love you,
i really do..

sluts and the falcon

 "We don't get to choose where we came from, but we can choose where we go."




the perks of being a wallflower,
a beautiful film, and finally it bloomed.







a very soothing character movie,
how it all developed, 
how deep it is.
and how the story slowly gets tied to you
misfits, 
homosexuality, 
drugs,
psychos,
& the tunnel song






"We are infinite".

Payday 2

why payday?
because everybody needs a payday.

yes, the long awaited payday 2 is out,
and to top it off a set of webisobe is release to keep us in the mood.
4 episodes currently,









enjoy,

Let the heist begin

here

where are you going?
i'm right here baby,
arms outstretched awaiting for your coming.
what's with the tears?
why the smudged mascara my lady
for i'm here,
to drive away all your fears.

we'll be happy,
i promise,
we'll be happy,
so will be our little tortoise,
in our little patio with the fishes,
where we sat there and reminisce

we'll be happy,
won't we?

conjuring

Based on a true story.

The conjuring;

things aside, movie was a fantastic 4star and it must be watched :D

did some reading on the truth of the true story:

Wisdom teeth I (R)

I thought I would better document this down. Alittle hilarious, more of a dark comedy if you were to put it.

As a boy with many fears, my fears come from when I'm young, the fear of dying if you miscue the fireman's pole in the playground, fear of height, water, and the list goes for a long time and I'm pretty sure it'd bored you out.

Long story short, within our national service, there's a loophole for this mini rite of passage that most guys would go thru before they ORD; the wisdom teeth extraction.

Yes, if we must do it, and it's free, most people does it as this is the period when wisdom teeth are formed. I experienced slight pain in chewing and little did I know I had 4 wisdom teeth that had to be plucked, and being a guy with a list of fears, I chose to go with GA, the once that would knock u out and before you know it, tadah!

In a series of events, I ended up having to do LA @ ttsh.

I always thought that ttsh is very far, inaccessible and all, but little did I know, it's just a stone throw away from the nearest mrt station (novena). And there's even an underpass that brings you right to the door step.

I ended up climbing the stairs as the lift are always full, after a 15minutes wait, I decided to bail and took the stairs instead. Situated at the 6th storey, I was a good 40 minutes early and I went on with the usual administrative procedure, the registration and so forth. Time flies when in fear and before I know it, I was called in and did my blood pressure check before heading into the theatre. And the mi see laugh at lim peh when I say I'm scared :(

I know how u guys like to tell patient everything's gonna be alright but.. :( the pain begin when there's several injections are done to the gum, I tried my best to sleep with my mouth opened, but I failed. I ended up pinching my hands to distract me from then pain.

"Na ma eh chee bye, pain till I thought the operation is over alrdy"

But everything had just began..

I was blindfolded, covered up with several cloth and I can feel the apparatus laid neatly onto my chest and my 1 peck belly. A few jabs was even when I decided to ask my doctor how do u know whether can I feel the pain.

Oh wells, and there wasn't much pain. Drilling and pulling begins and I could feel the pressure being applied into my gums and teeth.

"Quick! Keep think of something"

"I imagined a switch room when I off the nervous system,"

"I swear I sang nursery rhythms in my heart when it took place. Teletubbies, barney.. When it drown in the loud drilling sound of the machine."

"I tried blocking off the noise, talking to myself while trying to keep my mouth open"

"I imagined I doing what I like"

"I shouted ord lo"

"I imagine me swimming in bank notes in my luxurious bath tub"

"Me sipping beer while enjoying the view in my future home"

"Back to singing teletubbies song"

"Sang alittle of land before time when I cursed myself for forgetting the lyrics"

I was also swinging my legs, lifting them up every now and then. Wildly I guess o_o pcb machiam filming exorcism.

And with a final pull, my teeth was out.
Could totally feel the stitching and the strings when they pull and maneuver it swiftly across my mouth.

And fuck, the top teeth. One more to go wtf?

but it came out before I could finish singing the teletubbies song.

And comes the stitching. Asked for a facemask since I'll be public transporting back. Waiting for my medication now, hope all goes well...

Micheal & Sally

We all know what period is it now,
the chinese would know,
the people in Singapore should know,
and my brother still jio me to watch horror during this period of time.
but i daresay that since it wasn't advise to be out of the house, staying in and watching movies is quite a good idea.
we had a marathon of alot of movies this days and i would like to share with you guys!

*ratings are base on 5 stars

The Exorcism of Emily Rose [***]



True Story, well 3 stars for the non fiction factor, however it's quite dragging and boring.


Coming Soon [****]



It's not that bad, quite a scare. And i manage to find the full movie online with english subs! Enjoy~



Evil Dead [****]



Considered one of the good movies at that time when it was out, R21, it's worth a watch. This remake certainly is a good one. They'd got blood, gore, and the plot is well space as you got to see how each die before moving on, of course in a gloreeeey way.


Yes I can see Dead People [**]



This Dark Humor is not going anyway if not for the little comedy skit at the start and the chio bu. This plot is just... errr.. But i guess the sound effects and music are (Y). Classic Hong Kong Movie Style.


Vulgaria [***]



I don't know how we ended up watching this, the sexual scenes are ironically on the downside but i daresay the dialogues are good, and we would say no to Dada Chen's nipples?



Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines [****.5]



The Classic franchise is back, this dark comedy horror have so much drama that keeps you clenching on the edge of this seat. Forget everything else, this can provoke laughter and screams. And for those who know, the 3 indestructible brothers are so classic that ironically they're the main leads of the show. Babes and Gore, perfect for geeks and guys alike~ No spoiler, but who will survive this? Now who's up for some popcorn?

18 Floors Underground/Lift to Hell [?]




We didn't complete it, but we would probably rate it 1.5 since we manage to survive 30 mins from that movie. CG effects certainly isn't anyway close to awesome and... lack of X factor. Wanna judge? here's the full movie below.


电梯惊魂 18 Floors Underground/Lift to Hell (English Subs)

Ethos Books

Ethos Books is the one to go if you're thinking of supporting the local art scene with nowhere to start/go.

As someone who love the local arts scene, reels and reads are definitely my thing,

however this is one of such that i would like to share with people as i'm immersing into the vanishing point by felix cheong. Yep, i borrowed it from the library.

I was in, ever since Gone Case, it was always a fabulous read, keeping me in, a different type of reading i would say, given our rich culture which definitely is one of the factors that gives off a different feeling.

Just a sort section to share (:

NDP 2013

National Day Parade.

Maybe i'm not as patriotic as many,
but i guess i still am in my own ways,
like how i appreciate the local art scene,
how i love the cityscape of Singapore, admiring it in all ways,
the beautifully crafted business district,
the long stretch of Singapore River which i use to drown all my troubles all these years.
i can never be more thankful of this place even thou i know there's alot of comparison talks on migrating and all.

I went back home, and i'm always amused at how my hdb heartlander family are doing the stereo typicals,
home cook meals, watching NDP.
I remember when i'm young, always admiring the members of parliament when they arrived. I would nevertheless be awed by the marching contingent. I would run around and then does some marching, shouting before standing still and kissing my plastic ninja sword. I would then tie an used string to my national flag and hoist it up as the national anthem played on tv.

missed the patriotic and innocent me :3

Tracks

Looking at the tracks,
Looking down at my legs, which used to fly with the night breeze.
Ages since I hit it.
Since my schedule have been freeze
Stress took me over, and how badly it stacks.
Then comes my defeat.

But I will be reborn.

5678

Yes, blogging about it alot just when my anxiety disorder got better of me.
It's that bad,
i lost appetite,
everything's just haunting me that i'm so afraid.
the fear of being consumed,
days i just stood blank, doing nothing, hoping time would stood still just alittle more.
i can't sleep,
i'm wide awake even my eyes are heavy,
my stress flood my thoughts easily and seeing them in dreams is just another common sight.
the people,
the things,
the days,
even my tranquility of twilight isn't safe as it was already.

i know i can't keep relying on pills,
i know it'll still be my fight at the end of the day.

just after a long hectic day with a 5km walk, i thought everything's back.
just when i thought i'm safe for now, yet another phone call came.
i hope things will be alright,
i hope things will get better,
afterall, i'm glad how much of a value are instill in my after all this,
i ran with pride,
i took pride in my job
and i held everything close to my chest (closer than i ever imagine) with due respect.
everyone that'd crossed my life.

i'm glad i still remain true to myself after all this time
i'm glad i know myself more,
knowing how i work with people, or how i work for people
i'd seen more than i paid for, and i hope this is enough to strengthen me for the society.
how naive, innocent, still basked with integrity and honesty.
what comes after would be yet another fight,



It's gonna be my final few tracks of my board game,
just 5 more dice rolls and i'm done... well  maybe 6.
i just want to see the light.

Mantra of the week:  Life is never meant to be easy, keep fighting, survive it, look on the brighter side.

38

poke' saturday!
well at least one day of good rest before i go into a hopefully a hiatus where i meditate and find inner peace.

some pokemon conspiracy for you to think about!

S

This doesn't make sense,
The equation doesn't match up.
I'm praying for the sliver lining tomorrow.
Just a little silver lining to let me know at this with a different light, to let me earn back that little bit of respect that I'd lost.

All these years, what are we fighting for?
There is not enemy, but why make war out of each other?

hwjb

Ages since I'd been here,
And here I am today.

"I dk man, I don't want to see shit yet. I know what to do, I know what to think, I know how to hang in there and keep fighting, I know how not to back down and let this shit screw me. I'm just angry at this system. How ironically flawed it is when just 1 person can screw ur whole life over and how it all just take with something like a piece of paper to make u feel helpless as fuck"

"I just dk how to say, I just want to get out of this system. And be free. I know more than enough what I don't want, I know I can't work for people, I had sucking up, being a dog for someone. And that's probably why I'm close with some outcast which thinks the same. Everyone here is so shallow, so easy, they just keep their head down and hardly anyone see what I see. Surely they like sucky some cocks and get off, but I don't think it's worth for superiors who won't even lift a finger to protect u."

"Right then just now there was an activation. I ran like mad, I felt good just because I fulfilled my part. I did a great job and I took pride in that. I know I did my part and I don't fucking have to prove it to anyone or flaunt it just so I'm recognised. I know the society isn't based like that anymore, not even when I'm already know how under appreciated I am. Everyday I keep my cool, stay sane, know people, choose my cards just so I can get out. I hate how I lost my feet then, how I just make random decisions then. I know how much I dread la when I can just sleep it off. Life hardly goes ur way. That's what I use to tell myself, but if you don't push hard enough, the door on the otherside won't open as well"

My distorted thought bubbles, and after today, I'd lost respect for this system. Where is the care and empathy you claim? When you're scolding and pointing fingers, humiliating us behind the scene. Doesn't matter how you are portrayed. I jolly understand how this game is played. I'd played enough, I'm at the last track of the board game now, and I'm out once I'm at the end. I'm there soon, I will hang in there.

I understand the importance in this. a twisted importance at least. But how well can others see when they're blind to this, blindly following, half heartedly when they don't stand for their rights. Democracy isn't as such anymore as the people are obliged to do as the conductor calls. This off tune symphony isn't beautiful already.
This jaded microset of the society is just how it is.

I'm insulted for my selflessness, but isn't this how it should all be? All of us from the same nationality coming together. How can we win the war.

I swear I'm so stressed now.
I'm trying to keep my cool, I badly wanted to scream, I wanted release.

U just made me lost my respect for you. If you don't know your people, how do you lead them? By fear? How can I greet you again? All those threatening, all those pain, I felt hurt, disappointed at this is how you look at your people. Right now, there's no one I can talk to, suck it up? I don't know.

All this shit stirring, I don't know. Why make more troubles and u sit there Ànd watch the shit flow. Isn't making finances flow more important? I'd learn my lessons in this crude world, more than enough cruel lesson. How human nature is so selfish and how my honesty and selflessness only get me more shit instead? Why aren't you not happy that I at least did the right thing to save at least 1 person? I respected you like my second father, a fatherly speaker, why you condemn my deeds. Trust, is a sacred thing now, oblivious to honing all positive traits, I'm pretty sure this is how our society is progressing right now.

I need help,
I need an angel,
I need a guardian.

It hurts.

God, I just need a place to breathe.