dreams

despite of being in the state procrastination of not doing anything to improve my life.
i'm still trying my best to do the very least.
i just went for my first run,
i'm not gonna stop reading,

to be honest.
i'm just trying to drown myself out.



despite the long tiring sleep that left me with a mixture of excitement and anger that it all ended.
my mind still trail by the bits of thread left by all the weaving.



you were always wearing blue.
just like how i wanted.
blue top
blue tank top
white top with blue suspenders,
always there's a shade of blue tagging with you..
the fragments of the dreams are just in a mess.
but i cant seem to piece the whole thing logically together.



i know you from one of my friend.
he introduced me to you,
sweet looking, a girl full of smiles,
of course i played by the bro code.
you didn't attracted me then.

things happened,
we were thrown together in many situations.
maybe it's because you lived near me that's why we're always together
sometimes you will pop by,
asking me to come down..


we went kite flying.
we lay down on the endless glass land.
gazing at the stars.
i'd nvr seen you looked so deep before.
the eyes that looked outwards to a million miles.


i could remember the entire layout of your house clearly.
the rooms.
the kitchen that is filled with a million cooking equipments.
the unusually big storeroom.
the tv which is always droning in one small room.
there's even a back door that lead out to the colourful corridor


we were in your room
we didn't talk much.
you were doing your things, lying face flat on ur bed with ur legs pointing towards the sky.
i'm lying against a wall, doing my usual reading.
nobody broke the golden silence.


you were crying..
i hugged onto you.
i had an awkward erection as you hugged onto me.
u were smiling with your tearful face

for a moment, you had a brother.
a younger one.
small bald, we played together.
it was just a small moment. just 3 of us.


we were playing together,
tickling each other in this room filled with photos.
but not of us.
something sexual almost happened.
i was blushing and i swear i wont tell anybody.


your parents were disappointed about you.
you stood there when the fight took place.
i spoke to your parents.
i was crying.


in the slightest irony. you mum liked me.
we spoke about you.
i smiled at about how things are going better now.
even though i'd never seen your dad.
he's just a black figure, or someone who's always out of sight.


despite all.
we were never together...



i ended up outside of your house.
your estate seems like another planet.
there's a million cupboards outside, each holds a store just like flea.
and i saw one with many beautiful things.
and i ran towards it, grabbing and keeping all the beautiful things for my loved ones.
for you.


and we never met.
on the way out, i keep reciting to myself that i must give u those beautiful things.
but... we never met.
i was jolt awake.


then i missed you.
***

i'm gonna tidy my room.
fuck this shit.