gone

(this is a super late post so... fark >_<)

there, i lifelessly lied on my bunk bed, starring at the wall cracks of the ceiling.
it's gonna be my last night here..
my heart beat with excitement, yet with a mixture of fear and reluctance...

***

been ages since i'd blogged, so guess my life's quite a toll out there.
it's true you see, why NSF use this famous phase that goes "where got time??"
yes, where got time? this inevitable rite of passage which took 2 years off our life is what Singapore men have to go through.

turning back the clock, i enlisted on the 7th Sept 2011. yes, i really do wanna blog about my NS life then. but.. "where got time?" (yes you know it)
the confinement week is definitely crazy, really crazy. fucking crazy. I went numb after 3 days, marching like a lifeless robot, listening to command without qualms. But the happiness from book out... God i was so happy when i'd seen civilisation. The likes of coloured cars and the beautiful buildings. I was happy, and deep inside, i was really proud of myself that i'd finally gone through level 1: confinement period.

My Company (Coy), is a rather welfare coy i guess? And it's definitely not as bad as i thought. i believed the army's improving and yes, it's actually not bad to be inside. Moving on, i'm really thankful for my superiors for making my journey a beautiful one, and also how they honed me to be a better person..

***

back to life in tekong. i curse when i board the train, curse when i board the bus, sigh when i'm on the ferry and... there im back again.
with all the usual routine, i'm back into my bunk.
was unpacking my stuff and humming some random tune to myself.

we'd all gotten pretty close i'd say. so close that we're one mini family now. but yes, i'm an oot.
yes...

was talking with one of ma' mates david, when my pc came in.

what's this look, am i going to be screwed?...

"Eh Ronnie, i'm here to inform you that we'd received news from your posting and.. you'll be posting out to.."
Initially they thought i'm be in airforce, half sad, half excited, airforce would pretty much be a privileged and rare experience in the same time.. but alas, there's some mistake and yes imma fuckyeahstoreman.
Guess i'm not flying after all..

this news hit me like how the waves hit the sea rocks. strong, but overtime, grinded to sand..

***

we exchanges regards, contacts, we sat together that night. having a pretty normal conversation, all talking to me, as if giving their attention to me to the brim as it's my finest hour.

never did i thought it would be my last night in here and i never thought things would end so fast..

we talk we laughed. i laughed too..

***

lights was off & there i was lying on my bed, oblivious to my fallen earpiece, i lay lifelessly on my bed, looking at the rotating ceiling fan. with the filtered music playing, i feel like my soul's drowned down to some unknown. while half captivated, a quarter excited, and also, fear..

i close my eyes and told myself it'll be all good, but i just can't bear leaving my bros, i know we gonna pass out, but i just dont wanna board this train first.

***

i rushed up, to do my final checks, going thru the whole platton hi fives, hand shakes exchange contacts and regards...

curse the damn lift. (spoilt)

-thud thud thud- i move slowly, carefully to keep my duffle bag balances as it trots down the stairs..
-thud thud thud-

"eh bro, posting out today ah? where u go?... ohh okok, takecare ah"

"wah where u going sia? i see i see, good luck man"

before i knew it, this surreal feeling. i'm at the office, exchanging my last words with my PC, before i'll be gone.

***

i heave my duffle bag up to the shuttle bus, heave it up the ferry.
i'm given half a day rest to prepare for tomorrow.

called up some guys and i pull the duffle bag off the ferry terminal..

"wah! oot! you're the best man! (Y)"
a roar of laugher and congratulation came from the guard room, cheering for me, as if i'd done a heroic act

"siam tekong, 8 to 5 good leh!"

why i don't feel that it's heroic at all?

***

"Uncle, bukit panjang, senja"

"can anot?"

"okay ah, u say one ah?!, uncle open the boot lei, i got a big duffle bag (points all the way 10 steps back"

***

i smiled to myself and i close my eyes.
yes i'm going home...