the liar & the fool

fuck this shit.
the reason why am i in this little pathetic space of mine which i guess whom accumulated nothing but bytes of thrash.

anyways, happy or sad? i really don't know. i'm not sure whether is it a prophecy or a mere dream since it happened in a "not so far" future.
despite that, i got up pretty much a few things, but only to find myself going back in a gain, i went back twice. and after which i happened to got out of it, it's then a pretty sad ending then.

***

Things happened, i'm not sure why but it's just a huge mass of memories being thrown in together in a blender.
Yes, all the happy times i could think off, like a power point.
and of cos our 5 years old pact.
*it became fuzzy*
I got up, and i tried my luck back again. Yes i got back,
but then of one the guy got into a picture. i slowly analyzed his persona,

lots of things happened, and suddenly we're in a room. i'm with a gang of guys in the room, waiting for something which i don't know about. it's like a sort of a japanese slidedoor class room. & u came and lock the doors, and u told me you're here to say your goodbye.
Neither do you sound sorry, nor are you looking in my eyes. I saw guilt purges through your body. Maybe you're just using me for the moment. like i'm a temporary shelter in the park while you're strolling to find your prince.
(my itunes really feel me, played the same songs 2 times in a row)

"You know he's like that and you're still going?"
"yes.."
"even thou he got a stead and he's gonna just merely jump boat?"
"yes.."

at that point of time, i just simply ran out of reason. I reached out to hold your hand but you pushed it away. It's like you're waiting for the time for sun to shine.

"we texted.. afew times"
(of cos i got into this inevitable rage and starts bombarding question)
"you didn't ask what, so i never say lor"

of cos since the door's lock, we're talking through the window. And i literally got control of the dream, so i just wanted to wake up. NOW.
slammed the roller window real hard, and i'm up.

looks like it's still a grim grim world after all isnt' it ?
i felt as if that i'm reading a book upside down for years. Yet i didn't realize the message hidden within. I took this book cos it's like a fairy tale. But alas, it's a book i'm reading upside down.
The dark earth are not the soil, it's the big patch of dark skies.
The old wrinkled trees are not smiling, are nothing but thousand years old tree demon who'd seen too much of the world.

then i wanted to get back in. i wanted to find reasons why it's happening.
maybe the time's up, and i can't get back to sleep. it's like i keep dialing and dialing yet the other side won't pick. Like a pirate whom kept plunging his hands against the ground yet there's no treasure.
How long do i have to wait, how deep do i have to dig against the pits of love which would indefinitely became the grave which i would fall upon?

i don't know.

Someday

I hope these tears will stop running someday
Someday after this darkness clear up

Everyday I hold out comforting myself “it’ll be alright”
But it makes me afraid little by little
I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don’t
Now I don’t know how longer I can hold out

I hope it helps me now
I hope the God will help me
I don’t have enough confidence more and more to overcome myself