you

i'm here to post out my feelings for midnight.
and yes, i'm suppose to go out later on, which is like 6 @ Bukit Panjang.
i can't sleep, my thoughts went wild, and my mind's swirling everything...
well, gotten yet a sentimental story.
it's from EDMW, but been like spreading over the emails as well.
well i hope it helps entertaining you.

Leaf, Tree and Wind.

“Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay~ ”

[Tree]
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees.
Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre- U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her.
She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm.
She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness.
Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is
not a good match for me.
I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will
be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director.
When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was
swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back
home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or
so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her
eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened.
I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she
told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and
interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.

I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it.
It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't.
Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says ...

"Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

[Leaf]
During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves.
Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his
1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy.
The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon.
Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness.

But after a mth, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well.
It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.
It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart.
He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.


[Wind]
Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her,there's a smile in her eyes.
Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I
walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The next day, she
appeared & pass me a note and left. Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away
It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this erseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4
mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic.
But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have
declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my
girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm
nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a
taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door.
I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay..

***MORAL***

In love, we win very rarely, but when love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself. There comes a time when we stop loving someone, not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that, they'd be happier if we let go....

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? This is because THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD ARE UNSEEN.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world.
It's the beginning of a new life. Happiness lies for those who cry those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched our
lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for them, it's when they ignore you and still you long for them. It's when they begin to love another and yet you smile and say, "I'm happy for you." If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again. Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall. Somehow, along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize that there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever...

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available. It's best to wait for the right one because life is too short to waste on just someone.

---------------------END--------------------------

Total Damage: 999999

oh well i'd been emo-ing and this chain effect had got me D:
maybe so, but..? alas, i thought about myself,

we're never gonna be like that doesn't we?
no wind's gonna get you off right? :P
i cherish you for who you are, not who i want you to be.
i love "not so womanly" figure you had
i enjoyed our days together
i enjoy the way you bully me
i love you screams,
i loved being endorsed in your arm.

your eyes looked right into my heart.
your smiles, light up the darkess passage of my life.
your voice, can reaches my ear in the bottomless pit.
your presence makes my hearts beat faster.
your fragrance, relifs me.
your soul, engulf mine like FOOD.

Define love.