therapy

Do you believe in hypnotism?

It's a bit shocking to say, but by chance I'd a creepy encounter regarding this.

***

*knock knock*

"come in..."

I entered the office once again, this monthly ritual was no stranger to me. Of course, he's here to change me, crave me into a better person.

i sat down, trying to calm myself down, while remembering my homework...i'm to think of a place where i think i'm safe, calm, whatever. There i slowly trace out the place of tranquillity to him. With my fingers drawing every detail, a gray scale room, no colors but only splashes of different tones of black and white. A simple table and a queen side bed, by the center, facing my wardrobe which hides the droning television that shows nothing much statics. There was a ceiling fan as well, with a light bulb hanging from it, shaky. The windows shows out to nothing much an endless estates of flats.. You're right, this is nothing but a room in a hdb flat. nothing special, but i feel safe, confined in the world without colours.

dont judge me, i said to myself.

"alright, lets begin."

he starting sticking his middle and index finger facing towards me, hovering infront of me in some unkown rhythm, and i'm to follow his fingers with my eyes, gazing and pushing it. I tried to focus, and we did that every now and then, letting me alternate talking, breathing and fingers gazing...

"So what reminds you of the accident?"

"uhm.. i'm sorry?"

"Say, a picture, that reminds you of the accident, the worse part of it"

"the worst part of it?"

"yes, the worst part of it"

"a photo, of a road, stained with blood"

"just that?, is there anyone inside?"

"just that doc, i'll have to be honest that i see nobody inside"

"hmmmm.."

"and the picture's black and white as well, it's on grayscale, the trees are also black so is the skies, but the blood's red"

then we starting the finger gazing exercise which slowly brought me into twilight as i narrate what i saw.

*starts to hover his fingers*

"now take a deep breathe, close your eyes, and tell me what you see.."

*sighs*

"i saw... "

I thought i would have to make something up, not that i doubt this method, but i'm being sceptical and also i thought that i might screwed this up. But it's neither both, somehow i'm seeing something in my mind, as if i'm looking at my subconsciousness.

"i saw a car, moving, then crashing by the railings" (as if i can see what happen when i look at the picture)

*again*

"now i saw the car, crashed, people got out. i see people, yes i see myself"

we carried on, and the past seem to uncover by itself, all over again..

"yes the paramedics arrived, i didn't got up the ambulance, cos i wanted to save his ass"

yes, to save that hell of a mother fucker whom i think i owe him something during my past life because my life's became hell because of him. And to think he was someone i called a brother.

"and i starting having memory lost, i can't rmb a thing"

"not my hp number, nothing. i can see a sea of memories being flushed out as if they're clearing out with my blood"

i tighten my grip on the arm rest of the chair against this new found horror.

*again he does the finger gazing, rest for abit, and continues*

"i saw myself now, a&e, did all the paper work and stuff and went out"



"now i saw myself, slump onto the bed, as if i'm an audience, i saw my mum came into my room, saw half of my head bandaged, hair cut to close the wound, and my whole body reek of blood.."

"alright..."

"i can smell the blood doc, this metal taste, i could never forget"

"lets take a break" with that said, we did the finger gazing again and...

"yes i see myself again, mum crying, me dying, everything's so dark"

"and it replays again doctor, now in a little more faster pace."

swallowing a hard saliva, what happen next was beyond my comprehension.

"doctor.."

i narrate what have been going on. what it seems like a picture, is not actually a picture. i'm actually watching a movie reel, projected on a screen. Yet somehow i am strapped on a chair, as if some unkown being's forcing me to watch this grim video.

***

No drama, no nothing, i wasn't trembling in fear nor am i hysterically screaming for help when i exited the twilight.
just that, i left the place with a heavy body, no doubt, strangely tired. mentally tired. and also a silent regret that i rejected my doc's mc offer.


Strangely tired, i wandered around the estates, feeling loss, with no aim, no play to go. my appetite vanish, and i didn't ate anything for the whole of the day. and the worse have yet to come as when the sun goes down, that's when the devils come up to play.


twisted, shattering glass, blood, screaming.


"the night is still young my boy..."