Sentences just came threading through the tiny gaps of my brain. Like little worms that came to take the apple, they took me over. Paragraphs of stories such forming. I would be in a mood for weaving tales, but it would not be the right time since I'm standing in a crowded bus filled to the brim such that I'm only an inch closer to a molestation case, and whereby my fingers couldn't hit away and dance freely.
I started thinking about people, it happened during work yesterday. And.. Today.. I never know how deep this might get, since it's merely a game of guessing and hypothetically assign a story to them. Which may or may not, accurately or not, depict any point of their history that made them this way. There can no be justification.
Cacophonous voices that trailed among the crowd as people start squeezing in and out of the bus.
We're like talking sardines..
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
People. Vol 2
*i just need to write a long post to waste time, and after dipping into volume one for inspiration, i'm up once again*
Disclaimer:
this is obviously and absolutely boring work of mine since i'm rooting myself on my computer chair.
im just simply doing this as an act of procrastination for my shower. despite this, all works here are base on my thoughts long ago and any similarities to situations or character is either coincidental or it's basically me being stereotypical.
People. Vol 1
The Many People.
A cheery school girl, who skips to school everyday, humming her favourite melody.
slack to the fullest, copying school work from her studious friend.
the little girl who dance in the rain, holding her hands outwards to the skies, as if touching the many confetti that're thrown to her during the celebration of life.
the wet confetti thrown by the invisible arms from the heavens.
the other way to look at rain in life...
***
The little baby, being strapped onto his mum, his head wobbling in an unstable momentum against his mother's pace down the road. Fascinated, he sees giant machines that looked similar to the mini toy cars he played, roaring loudly across the road, not forgetting the mystical stick which shoots out beams of lights which control the cars, as if the conductor of a major band playing a beautiful symphony.
The naive baby.
"Oh, mummy's moving when it's green light too. So do we gets controlled by that mystical stick when we grow up too?"
***
Threads of white hair can be seen forming on the side, sitting on the red coffeshop chair which everyone knows, he heave his legs off his slippers and rest them on another.
On it's tables are many gleaming bottles that reflected against the old florescent light in the coffeeshop. Lying back his head, he breathed in the burning paper stick wrapped with nicotine and felt smoke work it's way in this body as he draws it down into the lungs. Some crushed bet slips are seen on the floor, probably an act of wrath when felt betrayed by the god of wealth. Streams of smoke came out in line from his nostrils, as if an mechanical dragon.
"Eh Chio eh, Lai Yi Duo Yi Ping Carlsberg!"
***
Disclaimer:
this is obviously and absolutely boring work of mine since i'm rooting myself on my computer chair.
im just simply doing this as an act of procrastination for my shower. despite this, all works here are base on my thoughts long ago and any similarities to situations or character is either coincidental or it's basically me being stereotypical.
People. Vol 1
The Many People.
A cheery school girl, who skips to school everyday, humming her favourite melody.
slack to the fullest, copying school work from her studious friend.
the little girl who dance in the rain, holding her hands outwards to the skies, as if touching the many confetti that're thrown to her during the celebration of life.
the wet confetti thrown by the invisible arms from the heavens.
the other way to look at rain in life...
***
The little baby, being strapped onto his mum, his head wobbling in an unstable momentum against his mother's pace down the road. Fascinated, he sees giant machines that looked similar to the mini toy cars he played, roaring loudly across the road, not forgetting the mystical stick which shoots out beams of lights which control the cars, as if the conductor of a major band playing a beautiful symphony.
The naive baby.
"Oh, mummy's moving when it's green light too. So do we gets controlled by that mystical stick when we grow up too?"
***
Threads of white hair can be seen forming on the side, sitting on the red coffeshop chair which everyone knows, he heave his legs off his slippers and rest them on another.
On it's tables are many gleaming bottles that reflected against the old florescent light in the coffeeshop. Lying back his head, he breathed in the burning paper stick wrapped with nicotine and felt smoke work it's way in this body as he draws it down into the lungs. Some crushed bet slips are seen on the floor, probably an act of wrath when felt betrayed by the god of wealth. Streams of smoke came out in line from his nostrils, as if an mechanical dragon.
"Eh Chio eh, Lai Yi Duo Yi Ping Carlsberg!"
***
---
People. Vol 2
Sorrows I
***
The guy who clubs every week, as if like exercise, seeking for love on every wednesday night to numb himself. He is smooth, he could get girls. He's sleek, he drives out every night, hoping the night hound would for a moment engulf his innocent naive self, the one who got cheated and dumped, speeding pass countless lamp lights with a lighted cigarette in the corner of his mouth.
Nicotine and alcohol filled his brain and blood
but yet what could fill his empty heart? when girls are just nothing but pouring into his bucket full of holes. They can never be filled you know?
***
This young girl, looking for love in the virtual world every night. For she would lives in the virtual world, root herself to her chair in front of her pixelated screen. Firing away chat bubbles out to this wide virtual ocean of love, which love is as hard to find as a needle in the sea. It wont stop, her countless chat media, the various beeping sounds which could only signify how hungry she were. Her thirst arises after she broke up years back, she got enough of soaking her pillow with tears. But to no avail, there are many more dark figures lurking than the prince. She'd got her own fair share of failures, but yet she just didn't give up. Yet deep inside she knows that no one is going to save her if she took a bite at the poison apple.
***
His ipod plugged into his ears, more than 12 hours a day, be it walking to school, walking back. He goes out alone, as if seeking for.. an answer. Isolating his schooling life from his personal ones, he would be alone, most of the time, and his ipod would be like a part of him, attach to his ears all the time, as he eats, smoke, stroll around the park looking at people. He can't hear the outside world screaming words of reality at him.
He's a dreamer. And we would never know what is he listening either.
***
Pushing her pram down the outskirts of bugis street, she had a tough time navigating through the crowd. Pulling up the shutter, another day begins as she position her pram before throwing off her bills and receipts chunked sling bag onto the counter.
Her mind begins to ponders, oblivious to customers who streams in unless summoned. Of her life, of how her decisions caused her to fall. And how that jerk just didn't pay for what he'd done, yet the victim is the one who pays the price after throwing all the cards on the table.
Sitting down listlessly as she looked at the pram, miniature limbs waving wildly at the noisy crowd. Looks like the baby's gotten use to life too right?
"eh hey, uhm this one how much ah?"
***
Tears stream down the corner of her eyes as she sat by the playground in the middle of the night. She heave a heavy sigh while slowly slitting her wrist with a cigarette her mouth. Swiping her fringe to the side, biting hard on the filer as she saw her wounds open again.. Just like the old times when she found out that he was just toying with her. Sobbing harder than ever, how she hates to face the world in the day, and how she would escape at night. She screams were silent and pain is her friend. How dare he? she love him, deceived by his honey smeared words, which crudely made her open herself to him, and her legs as well. She gave him his all, but yet what was given was not reciprocate. It will never be returned.
She felt like a caged bird. It's like she never left.
***
Need more brain juice.
(brb)
w
this is so mentally draining.
like how i would drag my heavy feet up this slope that would eventually lead me to my block,
that i would have to wait for 2 traffic lights which always turn red whenever i'm anywhere near them,
and i would drop myself on my chair while i slowly remove my boots, flinging off my socks, and i'll slowly get a little more a life as i light up my cpu, booting my com to live.
i count the days carefully, within my fingers, watching it flies, wasting time.
tuesday today. and it'll be midnight tomorrow.
and i'd been clocking in unhealthy hours of gaming under my belt and i just feel so unmotivated all the time.
i need a push. a call.
i need to move, or to wake up.
like how i would drag my heavy feet up this slope that would eventually lead me to my block,
that i would have to wait for 2 traffic lights which always turn red whenever i'm anywhere near them,
and i would drop myself on my chair while i slowly remove my boots, flinging off my socks, and i'll slowly get a little more a life as i light up my cpu, booting my com to live.
i count the days carefully, within my fingers, watching it flies, wasting time.
tuesday today. and it'll be midnight tomorrow.
and i'd been clocking in unhealthy hours of gaming under my belt and i just feel so unmotivated all the time.
i need a push. a call.
i need to move, or to wake up.
Monday, July 23, 2012
fml
whopps. my cover's blow
fuck this shit D:
i feel naked. bare naked.
i felt shame.
shame of myself.
fuck this shit D:
i feel naked. bare naked.
i felt shame.
shame of myself.
Dear Esther
When gaming gets another perspective.
Dear Esther..
beautiful graphics, good game for quiet nights.
for those who played, here're the known ghost sightings, if you miss'em D:
huat
Dear Esther..
beautiful graphics, good game for quiet nights.
for those who played, here're the known ghost sightings, if you miss'em D:
huat
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Girls
PEOPLE USED TO LOOK OUT ON THE
PLAYGROUND AND SAY THAT THE
BOYS WERE PLAYING SOCCER AND
THE GIRLS WERE DOING NOTHING .
BUT THE GIRLS WEREN'T DOING
NOTHING—THEY WERE TALKING .
THE Y WERE TALKING ABOUT THE
WORLD TO ONE ANOTHER . AND THEY
BECAME VERY EXPERT ABOUT THAT
IN A WAY THE BOYS DID NOT.
CAROL GILLIGAN,
In a Different Voice: Psychological
Theory and Women's Development
Ltr I realize it's gossiping.
PLAYGROUND AND SAY THAT THE
BOYS WERE PLAYING SOCCER AND
THE GIRLS WERE DOING NOTHING .
BUT THE GIRLS WEREN'T DOING
NOTHING—THEY WERE TALKING .
THE Y WERE TALKING ABOUT THE
WORLD TO ONE ANOTHER . AND THEY
BECAME VERY EXPERT ABOUT THAT
IN A WAY THE BOYS DID NOT.
CAROL GILLIGAN,
In a Different Voice: Psychological
Theory and Women's Development
Ltr I realize it's gossiping.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
devil's nest
when the sun sets, the devil comes to play
chilling the air, goosebumps with dismay
for he waste no time,
in the puff of smokes that swim through the air
roaming through your body, your life and your lair
you stood there helpless and you want to cry
but no sound could escape no matter how you try
he skips he hops he flies he smiles
down the little grim dark aisle.
down came the thunder, and then the rain
there your life would forever be stain
you can never run u can never hide
for he would haunt your life until you die
there the devil, lying on his cloud
using his slitted tongue making hissing sounds
weaving your stories with his cursed vines
you life and his, will forever be entwined.
yes he is here, he's here to play
here come's your life darkest bane
chilling the air, goosebumps with dismay
for he waste no time,
in the puff of smokes that swim through the air
roaming through your body, your life and your lair
you stood there helpless and you want to cry
but no sound could escape no matter how you try
he skips he hops he flies he smiles
down the little grim dark aisle.
down came the thunder, and then the rain
there your life would forever be stain
you can never run u can never hide
for he would haunt your life until you die
there the devil, lying on his cloud
using his slitted tongue making hissing sounds
weaving your stories with his cursed vines
you life and his, will forever be entwined.
yes he is here, he's here to play
here come's your life darkest bane
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Simplicity
My birthday wasn't a crazy one.
there's no yacht, neither i'm not holding a grand chalet on the other side of singapore, sending mass invitations on facebook and so forth.
it's just us.
yes, just us.
my girl and i...
We start of like any other normal date. She would get ready and all, drop by my place, where most male spices on need like 20 minds to prepare.
there's no R21 movie either, we make do with a PG one.
what i can say? bright colourful? and pretty much alittle overwhelming? not the animals, not the plot, just ages since i'd seen something so colorful.
moving on, we did a little window shopping, cruising down orchard, hand in hand. Enjoying this blissful moment as we pop in shops by shops, looking at the wide diversity of objects which we would've bought if we're rich. We then made an impromptu trip over to the adidas factory outlet @ novena and i'm glad to say that it's not fruitless after all. Manage to get myself a piece of overprice starwars apparel and after all the magic of trying and swiping your credit card. The hard truth just hit me like any hangover- what the fuck had i done?
Still grieving over my pain of the hole in my wallet, we made our way to.. errrr, guess this is suppose to be our impromptu highlight of the day.
our buffet @ grand park orchard.
disclaimer: i do not own any of the images
After taking a bus back, and a 10 mins short walk, we found our destination of leisure, Grand Park Orchard.
no doubt a classy place, with classy people, and god they have one of the most beautiful bar that i'd seen. the Bar Canary. What could beat a hard day of work? Chilly atmosphere, good music, and you're watching people walk from the top. Would somebody please pass me my margaritas please?
there's a 2nd lobby on the 4th floor, where they hold the bar, where people use the lift from there to access their rooms, and yes our buffet~ There's a beautiful bar top, and they throw in several couches and table for us to chill.
and here we are, @ openhouse
beautiful sittings, a wide array of food. Some were there for you to take, and yet some requires ordering. Yes you're given a table number the moment u enter. and i like how they give us in bite size serving so we could eat more =D
there're several section so let me try break it down for you.
there's
1. Roast Meat Station
- Honey Roast Meet
- Roast Duck
- Roast Pork Belly
- Chicken
u can ordered all 4 at once, or mix and match 2 of them. meat is pretty awesome and it'll be more advisable if u order this together with the noodle station next store since it'll be better to eat them together.
3. Dim Sum
- Char Siew Bao
- Har Gao
- sorry only remembered what i ordered for this one
their har gao is epic, they just made me love prawns.
4. Pizza
u got to try their pizza. It;s quite a killer thou, but it's made in thin crust. sooo crispy and addictive
5. Claypot Rice
we didn't manage to try this, too full. but it is pretty bad ass
6. Desert and icecream
not forgetting the wide array of cakes puffs and it's colorful cupcakes. U can also opt for the traditional tau suan with you tiao.
why not end your day with a cup of tiramisu and ice cream? u can even shower ur icecream with rainbow rice~ cool or not? :D
7. Fruit/Salad Bar
there's alittle food salad counter as well. really small one.
8. Sushi Bar
Is would be heaven for sushi lover, even though there isn't a huge diversity for you to choose from, isn't it more than enough for you if it's "eat-all-you-want"? stop complaining and start challenging yourself.
Dinner couldn't had got any better. and to top things off, i'd got a 20% off for the buffet, so it's considered rather cheap for a buffet like this in such a classy place.
But you'd got to make reservation for this one. Despite it's quiet appearance from 6 to 7pm, people come streaming in from 8 and before you knew it, you'd to start queueing for ordering/taking food.
and there, now this memory would be engraved deeply in my heart and i made a silent vow to stay here for a night if i were to get rich someday.
There my birthday came to an end, a quiet bus ride home, with my hands over her shoulders, we went for a quick quiet slumber while the bus bring us home. Not forgetting the hotel manager who greet me good evening while i sat by the bar, reading ebook while waiting for adel doing her using magic. That's one of the most awesome smile that i've seen. he's a true winner.
there's no yacht, neither i'm not holding a grand chalet on the other side of singapore, sending mass invitations on facebook and so forth.
it's just us.
yes, just us.
my girl and i...
We start of like any other normal date. She would get ready and all, drop by my place, where most male spices on need like 20 minds to prepare.
there's no R21 movie either, we make do with a PG one.
what i can say? bright colourful? and pretty much alittle overwhelming? not the animals, not the plot, just ages since i'd seen something so colorful.
moving on, we did a little window shopping, cruising down orchard, hand in hand. Enjoying this blissful moment as we pop in shops by shops, looking at the wide diversity of objects which we would've bought if we're rich. We then made an impromptu trip over to the adidas factory outlet @ novena and i'm glad to say that it's not fruitless after all. Manage to get myself a piece of overprice starwars apparel and after all the magic of trying and swiping your credit card. The hard truth just hit me like any hangover- what the fuck had i done?
Still grieving over my pain of the hole in my wallet, we made our way to.. errrr, guess this is suppose to be our impromptu highlight of the day.
our buffet @ grand park orchard.
disclaimer: i do not own any of the images
After taking a bus back, and a 10 mins short walk, we found our destination of leisure, Grand Park Orchard.
no doubt a classy place, with classy people, and god they have one of the most beautiful bar that i'd seen. the Bar Canary. What could beat a hard day of work? Chilly atmosphere, good music, and you're watching people walk from the top. Would somebody please pass me my margaritas please?
and here we are, @ openhouse
beautiful sittings, a wide array of food. Some were there for you to take, and yet some requires ordering. Yes you're given a table number the moment u enter. and i like how they give us in bite size serving so we could eat more =D
there're several section so let me try break it down for you.
there's
- Honey Roast Meet
- Roast Duck
- Roast Pork Belly
- Chicken
u can ordered all 4 at once, or mix and match 2 of them. meat is pretty awesome and it'll be more advisable if u order this together with the noodle station next store since it'll be better to eat them together.
2. Noodle Station
u can get ur wanton mee, fish bee hoon , serve in bite size mini bowl.
- wantan mee
- prawn mee
- laksa
- fish bee hoon
- Char Siew Bao
- Har Gao
- sorry only remembered what i ordered for this one
their har gao is epic, they just made me love prawns.
u got to try their pizza. It;s quite a killer thou, but it's made in thin crust. sooo crispy and addictive
5. Claypot Rice
we didn't manage to try this, too full. but it is pretty bad ass
6. Desert and icecream
not forgetting the wide array of cakes puffs and it's colorful cupcakes. U can also opt for the traditional tau suan with you tiao.
why not end your day with a cup of tiramisu and ice cream? u can even shower ur icecream with rainbow rice~ cool or not? :D
7. Fruit/Salad Bar
there's alittle food salad counter as well. really small one.
8. Sushi Bar
Is would be heaven for sushi lover, even though there isn't a huge diversity for you to choose from, isn't it more than enough for you if it's "eat-all-you-want"? stop complaining and start challenging yourself.
Dinner couldn't had got any better. and to top things off, i'd got a 20% off for the buffet, so it's considered rather cheap for a buffet like this in such a classy place.
But you'd got to make reservation for this one. Despite it's quiet appearance from 6 to 7pm, people come streaming in from 8 and before you knew it, you'd to start queueing for ordering/taking food.
and there, now this memory would be engraved deeply in my heart and i made a silent vow to stay here for a night if i were to get rich someday.
There my birthday came to an end, a quiet bus ride home, with my hands over her shoulders, we went for a quick quiet slumber while the bus bring us home. Not forgetting the hotel manager who greet me good evening while i sat by the bar, reading ebook while waiting for adel doing her using magic. That's one of the most awesome smile that i've seen. he's a true winner.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
lost
i just wish i can be the guy who would hold his hands outwards to the skies & dance w/ rain, as if receiving the many confetti that're thrown to him during the celebration of life.
so many things on my hand.
have to deal with so many little things that prick me like glass.
so tired, so much that i wish that time would stop on a perfect sunday afternoon, lazing on my bed, wall gazing, feeling the periodic wind blowing from the oscillation of my standing fan.
i'm tired..
so many things on my hand.
have to deal with so many little things that prick me like glass.
so tired, so much that i wish that time would stop on a perfect sunday afternoon, lazing on my bed, wall gazing, feeling the periodic wind blowing from the oscillation of my standing fan.
i'm tired..
Saturday, June 23, 2012
two thirds
Ages since i'm here at this little space.
Little girls, fans of blog queens, and vintage princess came streaming in, not to forget the clubbing babes all pulling their awkward looking boyfriends. Girls squeezing into tiny walkways just to snatch the last piece of dress, waving or shouting frantically hoping to get the shop keeper's attention so they would threw it over. Squeals of delight or singlish rants could be heard, which that little obstacle could made them lose it, withholding the singaporean within. Girls kneeling down, putting their face into gigantic luggage digging for apparels, and shouting triumphantly waving the dress in the air, as if a bomb defuse commander cutting the right wire.
Not to forget those celebrity blog princesses and prince who's there and their loyal fans who came over to support, ranging from those who bought alot of goods to those who squeeze through, just to take a photo with them.
Flea. yes flea.
What an interesting sight. Not a culture shock for me since i expected it, but it just seem special indeed. Not an ordinary Saturday since i spend my Saturday down at club avatar ogling at pretty ladies while adel does her shopping. I'm always wow-ed by how they turn clubs into flea markets, but they could just pull it off somehow. An array of goods, displayed along the podium, the dance floor, heels littered around the floors, this could be just what they meant by a women's dream. U dont even have to travel much, people are seen throwing glances in all directions and the tough part is only all about swimming through that crowd.
*starts to get lazy*
sorry, brain juice being sapped. over and out.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
wasted
there i'm wasting my half day, retreating back to the comforts of my room, drowning myself in game again. hacking slashing in the virtual world, as if my soul would detach my body for abit and get sucked into this pixel world created out of data.
the adrenaline, the intensity, swept me off my feet. i've got no time to think of anything else. focusing on the objective, i moved on, made comrades, and lived my second life in the game.
do you believe in hypnotism?
live sorta changed after the result's out.
the way i live, how desperately clinging onto the last straw, hoping that the time bomb would never have to blow off as long as i shut my eyes.
laziness purged me as i sat infront of my desktop, oblivious of any other things around me. i kept pushing my priorities away, too stress to face, i'm still no ready.. i'm still running.
I'm glad i didn't break in camp, yes, another form of escape, where i could bring a more amplified of myself out. "fearless"? noisy? still that retarded.
day after day, i felt my brain juice being sucked out of me. stupider.
nth more interesting to blog about.
the adrenaline, the intensity, swept me off my feet. i've got no time to think of anything else. focusing on the objective, i moved on, made comrades, and lived my second life in the game.
do you believe in hypnotism?
live sorta changed after the result's out.
the way i live, how desperately clinging onto the last straw, hoping that the time bomb would never have to blow off as long as i shut my eyes.
laziness purged me as i sat infront of my desktop, oblivious of any other things around me. i kept pushing my priorities away, too stress to face, i'm still no ready.. i'm still running.
I'm glad i didn't break in camp, yes, another form of escape, where i could bring a more amplified of myself out. "fearless"? noisy? still that retarded.
day after day, i felt my brain juice being sucked out of me. stupider.
nth more interesting to blog about.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
therapy
Do you believe in hypnotism?
It's a bit shocking to say, but by chance I'd a creepy encounter regarding this.
***
*knock knock*
"come in..."
I entered the office once again, this monthly ritual was no stranger to me. Of course, he's here to change me, crave me into a better person.
i sat down, trying to calm myself down, while remembering my homework...i'm to think of a place where i think i'm safe, calm, whatever. There i slowly trace out the place of tranquillity to him. With my fingers drawing every detail, a gray scale room, no colors but only splashes of different tones of black and white. A simple table and a queen side bed, by the center, facing my wardrobe which hides the droning television that shows nothing much statics. There was a ceiling fan as well, with a light bulb hanging from it, shaky. The windows shows out to nothing much an endless estates of flats.. You're right, this is nothing but a room in a hdb flat. nothing special, but i feel safe, confined in the world without colours.
dont judge me, i said to myself.
"alright, lets begin."
he starting sticking his middle and index finger facing towards me, hovering infront of me in some unkown rhythm, and i'm to follow his fingers with my eyes, gazing and pushing it. I tried to focus, and we did that every now and then, letting me alternate talking, breathing and fingers gazing...
"So what reminds you of the accident?"
"uhm.. i'm sorry?"
"Say, a picture, that reminds you of the accident, the worse part of it"
"the worst part of it?"
"yes, the worst part of it"
"a photo, of a road, stained with blood"
"just that?, is there anyone inside?"
"just that doc, i'll have to be honest that i see nobody inside"
"hmmmm.."
"and the picture's black and white as well, it's on grayscale, the trees are also black so is the skies, but the blood's red"
then we starting the finger gazing exercise which slowly brought me into twilight as i narrate what i saw.
*starts to hover his fingers*
"now take a deep breathe, close your eyes, and tell me what you see.."
*sighs*
"i saw... "
I thought i would have to make something up, not that i doubt this method, but i'm being sceptical and also i thought that i might screwed this up. But it's neither both, somehow i'm seeing something in my mind, as if i'm looking at my subconsciousness.
"i saw a car, moving, then crashing by the railings" (as if i can see what happen when i look at the picture)
*again*
"now i saw the car, crashed, people got out. i see people, yes i see myself"
we carried on, and the past seem to uncover by itself, all over again..
"yes the paramedics arrived, i didn't got up the ambulance, cos i wanted to save his ass"
yes, to save that hell of a mother fucker whom i think i owe him something during my past life because my life's became hell because of him. And to think he was someone i called a brother.
"and i starting having memory lost, i can't rmb a thing"
"not my hp number, nothing. i can see a sea of memories being flushed out as if they're clearing out with my blood"
i tighten my grip on the arm rest of the chair against this new found horror.
*again he does the finger gazing, rest for abit, and continues*
"i saw myself now, a&e, did all the paper work and stuff and went out"
"now i saw myself, slump onto the bed, as if i'm an audience, i saw my mum came into my room, saw half of my head bandaged, hair cut to close the wound, and my whole body reek of blood.."
"alright..."
"i can smell the blood doc, this metal taste, i could never forget"
"lets take a break" with that said, we did the finger gazing again and...
"yes i see myself again, mum crying, me dying, everything's so dark"
"and it replays again doctor, now in a little more faster pace."
swallowing a hard saliva, what happen next was beyond my comprehension.
"doctor.."
i narrate what have been going on. what it seems like a picture, is not actually a picture. i'm actually watching a movie reel, projected on a screen. Yet somehow i am strapped on a chair, as if some unkown being's forcing me to watch this grim video.
***
No drama, no nothing, i wasn't trembling in fear nor am i hysterically screaming for help when i exited the twilight.
just that, i left the place with a heavy body, no doubt, strangely tired. mentally tired. and also a silent regret that i rejected my doc's mc offer.
Strangely tired, i wandered around the estates, feeling loss, with no aim, no play to go. my appetite vanish, and i didn't ate anything for the whole of the day. and the worse have yet to come as when the sun goes down, that's when the devils come up to play.
twisted, shattering glass, blood, screaming.
"the night is still young my boy..."
It's a bit shocking to say, but by chance I'd a creepy encounter regarding this.
***
*knock knock*
"come in..."
I entered the office once again, this monthly ritual was no stranger to me. Of course, he's here to change me, crave me into a better person.
i sat down, trying to calm myself down, while remembering my homework...i'm to think of a place where i think i'm safe, calm, whatever. There i slowly trace out the place of tranquillity to him. With my fingers drawing every detail, a gray scale room, no colors but only splashes of different tones of black and white. A simple table and a queen side bed, by the center, facing my wardrobe which hides the droning television that shows nothing much statics. There was a ceiling fan as well, with a light bulb hanging from it, shaky. The windows shows out to nothing much an endless estates of flats.. You're right, this is nothing but a room in a hdb flat. nothing special, but i feel safe, confined in the world without colours.
dont judge me, i said to myself.
"alright, lets begin."
he starting sticking his middle and index finger facing towards me, hovering infront of me in some unkown rhythm, and i'm to follow his fingers with my eyes, gazing and pushing it. I tried to focus, and we did that every now and then, letting me alternate talking, breathing and fingers gazing...
"So what reminds you of the accident?"
"uhm.. i'm sorry?"
"Say, a picture, that reminds you of the accident, the worse part of it"
"the worst part of it?"
"yes, the worst part of it"
"a photo, of a road, stained with blood"
"just that?, is there anyone inside?"
"just that doc, i'll have to be honest that i see nobody inside"
"hmmmm.."
"and the picture's black and white as well, it's on grayscale, the trees are also black so is the skies, but the blood's red"
then we starting the finger gazing exercise which slowly brought me into twilight as i narrate what i saw.
*starts to hover his fingers*
"now take a deep breathe, close your eyes, and tell me what you see.."
*sighs*
"i saw... "
I thought i would have to make something up, not that i doubt this method, but i'm being sceptical and also i thought that i might screwed this up. But it's neither both, somehow i'm seeing something in my mind, as if i'm looking at my subconsciousness.
"i saw a car, moving, then crashing by the railings" (as if i can see what happen when i look at the picture)
*again*
"now i saw the car, crashed, people got out. i see people, yes i see myself"
we carried on, and the past seem to uncover by itself, all over again..
"yes the paramedics arrived, i didn't got up the ambulance, cos i wanted to save his ass"
yes, to save that hell of a mother fucker whom i think i owe him something during my past life because my life's became hell because of him. And to think he was someone i called a brother.
"and i starting having memory lost, i can't rmb a thing"
"not my hp number, nothing. i can see a sea of memories being flushed out as if they're clearing out with my blood"
i tighten my grip on the arm rest of the chair against this new found horror.
*again he does the finger gazing, rest for abit, and continues*
"i saw myself now, a&e, did all the paper work and stuff and went out"
"now i saw myself, slump onto the bed, as if i'm an audience, i saw my mum came into my room, saw half of my head bandaged, hair cut to close the wound, and my whole body reek of blood.."
"alright..."
"i can smell the blood doc, this metal taste, i could never forget"
"lets take a break" with that said, we did the finger gazing again and...
"yes i see myself again, mum crying, me dying, everything's so dark"
"and it replays again doctor, now in a little more faster pace."
swallowing a hard saliva, what happen next was beyond my comprehension.
"doctor.."
i narrate what have been going on. what it seems like a picture, is not actually a picture. i'm actually watching a movie reel, projected on a screen. Yet somehow i am strapped on a chair, as if some unkown being's forcing me to watch this grim video.
***
No drama, no nothing, i wasn't trembling in fear nor am i hysterically screaming for help when i exited the twilight.
just that, i left the place with a heavy body, no doubt, strangely tired. mentally tired. and also a silent regret that i rejected my doc's mc offer.
Strangely tired, i wandered around the estates, feeling loss, with no aim, no play to go. my appetite vanish, and i didn't ate anything for the whole of the day. and the worse have yet to come as when the sun goes down, that's when the devils come up to play.
twisted, shattering glass, blood, screaming.
"the night is still young my boy..."
Monday, May 28, 2012
I'm awake.. I'm awake..
Life's still slow and monotonous as usual.. Until this sighting of an old unusual homeless lady yesterday..
She carried and air of nothing but grim, ominous, nothing good.. Furnitures packed neatly, tucked right in front of our block's letter box, with her old mattress tied on top, she's sitting by the side. She's been there since yesterday morning, not moving an inch from the space, nothing came, and yet we're all not sure have she eaten anything. She just sits there on a portable chair, just gazing away...
It pains me. This sight..
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Life's still slow and monotonous as usual.. Until this sighting of an old unusual homeless lady yesterday..
She carried and air of nothing but grim, ominous, nothing good.. Furnitures packed neatly, tucked right in front of our block's letter box, with her old mattress tied on top, she's sitting by the side. She's been there since yesterday morning, not moving an inch from the space, nothing came, and yet we're all not sure have she eaten anything. She just sits there on a portable chair, just gazing away...
It pains me. This sight..
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Thursday, May 17, 2012
People
Disclaimer:
this is obviously and absolutely boring work of mine since i'm rooting myself on my computer chair.
im just simply doing this as an act of procrastination for my shower. despite this, all works here are base on my thoughts long ago and any similarities to situations or character is either coincidental or it's basically me being stereotypical.
People. Vol 1
The Many People.
A cheery school girl, who skips to school everyday, humming her favourite melody.
slack to the fullest, copying school work from her studious friend.
the little girl who dance in the rain, holding her hands outwards to the skies, as if touching the many confetti that're thrown to her during the celebration of life.
the wet confetti thrown by the invisible arms from the heavens.
the other way to look at rain in life...
***
The little baby, being strapped onto his mum, his head wobbling in an unstable momentum against his mother's pace down the road. Fascinated, he say giant machines that looked similar to the mini toy cars he played, roaring loudly across the road, not forgetting the mystical stick which shoots out beams of lights which control the cars, as if the conductor of a major band playing a beautiful symphony.
The naive baby.
"Oh, mummy's moving when it's green light too. So do we gets controlled by that mystical stick when we grow up to?"
***
Threads of white hair can be seen forming on the side, sitting on the red coffeshop chair which everyone knows, he heave his legs off his slippers and rest them on another.
On it's tables are many gleaming bottles that reflected against the old florescent light in the coffeeshop. Lying back his head, he breathed in the burning paper stick wrapped with nicotine and felt smoke work it's way in this body as he draws it down into the lungs. Some crushed bet slips are seen on the floor, probably an act of wrath when felt betrayed by the god of wealth. Streams of smoke came out in line from his nostrils, as if an mechanical dragon.
"Eh Chio eh, Lai Yi Duo Yi Ping Carlsberg!"
***
Looks like i got lazy again. Time to shower~
time
just bored, and wanted to hit something...
life's just like routine.
mundane, just like any other calm sea.
the jungle's silent, and silence itself had it's own way of flaunting it's beauty.
the beauty of nothing.
just like a clean sheet of white paper.
just what i need.
life isn't that hard now that i think of it.
there's lot of areas i have to work on,
looks of "decision-math" that i need to do.
calculating the best time for taking MA, Offs and all is enough to keep me busy.
and of course, doing real work.
& recently, im caught up by this unusual fatigue.
got tired recently, dozing off extra easily.
am i old ?
and no matter how, laziness still stays in me.
it's like as if it's human nature to be lazy.
# FML
(you just wasted 2 minutes of your time for reading this unnecessary chunk or random typing)
Friday, May 4, 2012
190412
I'm actually typing this in the midst of the jam. Unfortunately, my bus's caught in this screwed up jam which I thought, won't be coming in our way as I'm ahead of the clock.
Traffic's hectic now and with all the slow forward and break's killing me.
The air of thursday. Isn't that great. Surprisingly, I'm reluctant to go for my MA today. Once in a millionth. My social links are all messed up and I ought to do something about it.
***
Wednesday end on a okay note, but.. I just can't help waking up, feeling all emotional about it. As if I'm heaving my legs, chained to a thousands regrets of what could have happen if..
what could have happen if I knew you early?
what could have happen if I didn't turned into a monster?
And a thousands of such hypothetical questions that lead us to daydream, be it for a happy ending or no..
***
The road is surprisingly clogged and curious people are constantly starring out to the road, at this chain of endless cars queuing up, not knowing what went wrong. There I am, sucked in vehicle TIB569J stamping my fingers onto my keyboard to kill time. Apparently it's not working very well with all the momentary jerks which always brings me back into reality.
With 20mins stucked in the bus, we concluded the jam with an end scene of a motor being crashed into a honda. Guess that's what ruined our day. Ruined mine, big time.
***
Back to my story, with traffic going smooth, guess I'd got a lot of things to do. To manage things...
***
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Traffic's hectic now and with all the slow forward and break's killing me.
The air of thursday. Isn't that great. Surprisingly, I'm reluctant to go for my MA today. Once in a millionth. My social links are all messed up and I ought to do something about it.
***
Wednesday end on a okay note, but.. I just can't help waking up, feeling all emotional about it. As if I'm heaving my legs, chained to a thousands regrets of what could have happen if..
what could have happen if I knew you early?
what could have happen if I didn't turned into a monster?
And a thousands of such hypothetical questions that lead us to daydream, be it for a happy ending or no..
***
The road is surprisingly clogged and curious people are constantly starring out to the road, at this chain of endless cars queuing up, not knowing what went wrong. There I am, sucked in vehicle TIB569J stamping my fingers onto my keyboard to kill time. Apparently it's not working very well with all the momentary jerks which always brings me back into reality.
With 20mins stucked in the bus, we concluded the jam with an end scene of a motor being crashed into a honda. Guess that's what ruined our day. Ruined mine, big time.
***
Back to my story, with traffic going smooth, guess I'd got a lot of things to do. To manage things...
***
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Thursday, May 3, 2012
030512
"Fuck, left so little?"
I cursed as I read the receipt that I'd just pulled out from the atm. Mental calculations and recollections from what I'd done started to pour into my mind. Yet, I didn't remembered spending that much.
Transportation cost always take its toll on me, yet life w/ such minimal pay as compared to working society just sucks.
***
My week was rather 'happening' I would say. Already numbed in camp, I'm living everyday on a routine level, habit, duty, responsibility, whatever you can call it.
Yet, I'd started an expensive habit, which was ironic as I was starving myself in camp to save $$$. Heading out after camp. It could be anything, be it out for coffee, or dinner, or just hang around as if waiting for something to happen. And sadly, it'd been says since I last seek refuge on the comforts of my room, surfing the net or just probably gaming, and wasting life away.
Certainly it wasn't battleship on that wednesday night movie session that left me thinking, but it just daunt upon me that how precious is time and yet we're wasting it. It's like shedding blood in a twisted hourglass. U can't topple it to start all over again, u have to keep yourself on the move, because once it's over, it's really over..
Sitting in a seemingly empty bus, I felt helpless over the outcomes of life I could've reach. A make or break, a steady slow income that would probably needs me to shoulder my debts for decade(s). I just don't know what seems right.
Fuck my life for such retarded morning thoughts.
***
Am I trying to hard to make things right?
Why things always go wrong when I tried going to the extra mile? I really can't help but wonder what is wrong. Is there something wrong with us?? So many years, yet this eye sore still persist..
Why just can't things sail smoothly?
I'm so scared, and tired..
I don't know what to say anymore..
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
I cursed as I read the receipt that I'd just pulled out from the atm. Mental calculations and recollections from what I'd done started to pour into my mind. Yet, I didn't remembered spending that much.
Transportation cost always take its toll on me, yet life w/ such minimal pay as compared to working society just sucks.
***
My week was rather 'happening' I would say. Already numbed in camp, I'm living everyday on a routine level, habit, duty, responsibility, whatever you can call it.
Yet, I'd started an expensive habit, which was ironic as I was starving myself in camp to save $$$. Heading out after camp. It could be anything, be it out for coffee, or dinner, or just hang around as if waiting for something to happen. And sadly, it'd been says since I last seek refuge on the comforts of my room, surfing the net or just probably gaming, and wasting life away.
Certainly it wasn't battleship on that wednesday night movie session that left me thinking, but it just daunt upon me that how precious is time and yet we're wasting it. It's like shedding blood in a twisted hourglass. U can't topple it to start all over again, u have to keep yourself on the move, because once it's over, it's really over..
Sitting in a seemingly empty bus, I felt helpless over the outcomes of life I could've reach. A make or break, a steady slow income that would probably needs me to shoulder my debts for decade(s). I just don't know what seems right.
Fuck my life for such retarded morning thoughts.
***
Am I trying to hard to make things right?
Why things always go wrong when I tried going to the extra mile? I really can't help but wonder what is wrong. Is there something wrong with us?? So many years, yet this eye sore still persist..
Why just can't things sail smoothly?
I'm so scared, and tired..
I don't know what to say anymore..
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Last week
The air of monday.. Definitely wasn't a good one. I'm going be done with april. Just did my duty last week..
Tuesday isn't that great, but my time had grown wings and yes are they flying through this week. Just cleared midweek and looks like thursday and friday would be an easy day with 2 half days off.
Appointment on friday and I'm force to clear off for my thursday as there're no superiors in camp.
Felt so unusually surreal today. Unusually..
& Y the hell no one believe I enjoy appreciating art?
***
Guess I would probably go do some self discovery out there on thursday~ it's time I take some time off for myself.
***
the week for d-day..
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Tuesday isn't that great, but my time had grown wings and yes are they flying through this week. Just cleared midweek and looks like thursday and friday would be an easy day with 2 half days off.
Appointment on friday and I'm force to clear off for my thursday as there're no superiors in camp.
Felt so unusually surreal today. Unusually..
& Y the hell no one believe I enjoy appreciating art?
***
Guess I would probably go do some self discovery out there on thursday~ it's time I take some time off for myself.
***
the week for d-day..
_the end
*
*
*
{Sent from my BlackBerry.}
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
[Full Movie] 那些年, 我們一起追的女孩; You Are The Apple Of My Eye (HD 720p)
a movie for you:
[Full Movie] 那些年, 我們一起追的女孩; You Are The Apple Of My Eye (HD 720p)
it's a very good movie so it's a pity if you missed it.
so i'll just post out movies here for bored people, who're all over the whole, trying their luck for this movie up on the net. it's still quite rare, so i'd hope they chance upon my blog to watch this awesome movie.
Cheers.
can't help how much this movie, swept me off my feet. it's a good food for thought
it's a very good movie so it's a pity if you missed it.
so i'll just post out movies here for bored people, who're all over the whole, trying their luck for this movie up on the net. it's still quite rare, so i'd hope they chance upon my blog to watch this awesome movie.
Cheers.
can't help how much this movie, swept me off my feet. it's a good food for thought
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