How Climbing the Bukhansan;(A Mountain) Changed My Life.

After watching Everest, a film based on a true disaster in the 1996, I left the cinema with a sunken heart and an indescribable feeling of condolences. It was in the movies, when they were talking about “why do you climbed a mountain?” that, made me went through a series of introspection.

Born physically weak due to my drug allergy, I wasn't in my best of form when I was a child and because of that nature, my parents used to be very protective of me, fearing that I might injured or exhaust myself as I’d been through a few episode of over exhaustion. So I grow to be a very conservative and indoor person, who don’t take any sort of ‘risk’ nor do I move around much. Hence I always had a hard time when it comes to physically taxing activities. To top it off, sports wasn't in my best of interest, so I'm basically like a “mage” in real life. Except I don’t have any magical powers.

Earlier last year, I travelled to Seoul with a few of my close friends whom I can call family. My worst fear is confirmed when we were going to climb the Bukhansan;the highest peak in Seoul, when we’re there.

“It’s very safe one”, that’s what they all always said. Initially, I was relief when they decided to postpone the plan, hoping that they would scrap this one off. What are the odds of coming here again “the next time?” The day had finally come and my inside was hoping for a bad weather to turn this one around. Nothing happens. So before we know it, we are wandering around the nature park, looking for the trail to ascend.

Used to be depressed with mild anxiety disorder, my personality wasn't the best concoction for any sort of risk taking activities. Bred with an acute phobia of death and roller coasters, my heart always skipped a beat when I see people being hurled up into the skies or when I'm peering over ledges and my mind would start ‘playing’ the worst possible scenario that could happen, which usually includes overly exaggerated deaths.

Repeating mantras of positivity, I started the hike with a tinge of uneasiness, and fear.
“Hang in there.”
“You love long walks, so you’re gonna love this.”
“Slow and steady.”
“It’s just walking, and more walking, and a little bit of climbing.”

It was tough, in fact a gruelling moment for me. The trails are beyond uneven, and my worn off Adidas Superstar can only do so much. There are even several times that I almost sprained my leg as I could feel my feet twisting sideways before springing back. I almost tripped and almost sprained as well. 

“God, I could have sprained my legs.”
“God, I could have died if I had missed my footing.”

As much as my mental state is starting to fail me, my physical state is crumbling as well. My heart beats escalates beyond bearable and I was unable to catch my breath. My head is spinning and I felt a slight dizziness, just like how any of my past episodes of over exhaustion. My lips are as dry as paper and no amount of water could moist it. Soon I started to breath really deeply while my body heave up and down involuntarily, it seems like my nostril is not big enough, or I'm not taking in enough oxygen to fuel my body.

Nothing, but one word came to my mind.

“Breathe.”

I realized I’d been panicking. It is probably my old persona trying to haunt me. Or was it my negativity? I don’t know. My family and friends are kind enough to take extra care of me in fact. Checking in with me every now and then, making sure I was okay. We took a few breaks here and there, and every time I sat down, I try to recompose myself each time during the breaks. I could have almost quitted halfway, but their words of encouraging keeps me from breaking.

Before I know it, I started to adapt to the air in the altitude, I started to breathe okay. Before I know it, I started to enjoy it. I looked out to the greens, to the mountains, just enjoying the nature for once in my 23 years of life. I’d been turning away from all this, and right now I'm looking at all of them at once.

We even trekked to the wrong side as we found ourselves at the peak of the lower altitude, there are several peaks that was up in the clouds and we sort of asked around before resuming the hike.
“So which one ah?”
“The next one only.”
“Ahh okay okay!”
My inside were beaming since it’s just the next one. My mind just wanted to get this over at done with. Thinking back, I'm now glad they lied to me about the distance that we were about to cover. (Didn't thought much about it and I just followed the trail).

Things got worse when it’s just rocks which lays out in almost a vertical elevation. We slowly navigate across, up, and down nature’s territory; the rocks, the logs, and the never-ending flights of stairs. We even have some parts where there’s just a harness for us to hold, and a thin piece of rock that’s just enough for one of us to stand on as we move slowly across the mountain.

Almost there, my mind’s a blank once I'm at it. I shut myself out from everyone else and starts clenching into the built on harness, pulling myself up bit by bit, while telling myself I'm not settling for the second best, I'm going for the peak. Yes, I'm going for the peak. Eyes on the prize, I make my way up step by step as I looked towards the peak which gradually became visible over time.

We reached the first point of the peak, a giant plateau where everyone just sits there, picnic, chitchat and of course, take photographs. We started to lay down, enjoy the air, and starts to take out the food and snacks that we bought. It’s so comfortable that we even took a short napped there. From here, I could see a huge chunk of the city, everything seems so small, just like a toy model of Seoul. The air at the peak is beyond refreshing, with every breath, I could felt the fresh mountain air travel down into my body, detoxifying me. We then climbed up to the main peak, the highest point of Seoul. I shut myself out again, this time voluntarily, as I felt my goosebumps rising; in fact I felt it now too as I was reliving this moment while I'm typing.
“You did it, yes, you did it”
“look out there, the highest point of Seoul, and you did it”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and whispered thank you before I starts to descend from the mountain.

You know the moment when you experience changes? Like when you could literally felt something inside you change? At that glowing moment, I felt it. I felt how opening to mountaineering changed me. I could felt something bloomed inside me, not that I have suddenly found a new passion for mountaineering. I had learnt how one could muster their willpower and determination, or rather, how I could muster my willpower and keep going forward when I'm pushing myself to the limits. I never believed I could conquered a mountain, but I have nevertheless done it. For once, I was proud of myself. My companions definitely deserve credits for keeping me at bay for I would not have made it to the top if not their patience, and encouragements. That kept me going, and I didn't want to give up, nor do I want to disappoint anyone of them. And maybe… just maybe, I owe it to myself too, for I would not have made it had I decided to throw the towel.

Seoul is now definitely going to be one of the most important cities in my life where I had many life changing moments. And conquering the Bukhansan is definitely one of them.

P.S. not saying everyone should go climb a mountain now, but you know the gist of it. Be adventurous, take a leap. You'll be surprise at where it takes you.

tick tock:4am in Singapore. (a male's perspective)

It's 4.05am in the morning,
& i'm absolutely awake, running on my reserve brain juice as epiphany likes to slap me at times like this.
Just a type out of what it's like 4am in Singapore. (a male's perspective)

[it's just a random piece that i'd managed to finish about a short story of a guy struggling at 4am in Singapore.]
nevertheless i'll be thankful if you can relate to that.
yes, days like this. (so either you get it, or you don't)
& please pardon my fucking mistakes.

alittle scream out to the introverts out there.
you're not fucking alone. (no pun)



It's 4.06am in the morning,
You looked at your wrist watch laying at your desk,
You stared into dead screen as it slowly transit to your blank screen saver.
You moved your mouse, keeping your screen alive as if trying to keep you the same way again.

You looked at the mess on your table,
the receipts from afew nights ago, the loose change which you dug out half heartedly from your worn out jeans as you scrambled into you room while trying to take off the skinny jeans which you wore the other night trying to impress the girls, and you swore some change ended up under your bed which you'll get it next time.
You stared at your facebook page, as if hoping for something to happen,
nope. nothing's gonna happen.
loneliness took over, as you looked around for whoever's online, hoping there's someone who share the same cold.
you took up your phone, scrolling instagram as some infamous youtube cover droned on in an long random playlist and the occasional clicks of your favorites by the suggestion bar.

Fuck, you did not just clicked that break up song.
You opened yet another word document, not for your school work, but for your unnecessary emotional scribbles.
As your break up song reach it's bridge, you closed your eyes, and breathe, feeling the cool wind flowing from the oscillating fan, only to be greeted by the god damn smell of the haze that made you to put off your running routine that you picked up a few weeks again.
You pinched your half flabby leg muscle, as you cursed silently.
You just picked up the momentum and now it's all go up to smoke.

You clicked at the youtube's home page now, scrolling through what's hot, recommended, and decided to watch a few trailers.
Yes, you can't wait to watch the new captain america movie, but you'll have to find a date for that.
Regrets starts filling in your head again as you reminisce the good time, the box of movie ticket filled to the brim, which is kept in another box and she always have no idea what the hell is with your obsession with boxes, but nevertheless still loves and accept you for who you are and watches geeky superheroes film with you, like how you do the same and went through the vow with her sobbing on your shirt.
After afew random videos, you ended up clicking on a thumbnail with boobs, only to find yourself watching something totally, stupid, ridiculous and unrelated.

You opened up several chat sites.
"Hi, ASL?"
"hey babe! not sleeping?"
After next-ing afew desperadoes who can't even type properly because they have their dicks in their hands, you gave up,
only to find yourself shaking that stupid chat app which you download just for the sake of looking at girls and saving their photos because you'd got no balls to talk to them.
You click who's near you, and you found some babes within your league, and fingers crossed, you sent them some greetings.
10 minutes after the indication of them having read you message but didn't reply, you knew something was wrong.
fuck that. girls are sluts anyway.

Too lonely, you went for the ultimatum as you hit that porn site.
A huge sigh of relief hit you as it's not snuff up & blocked yet.
You clicked afew videos, opening them in new tabs, legs shaking with excitement as you peered out of your room making sure that everyone's asleep.
You reach for your half tangled Beats, plugging it in excitingly and before you know it, the moans of the japanese school girl filled your ears.
Sensational.
You always make sure you have some fucking Kleenex within your grasp.

Still awake, you went up, dump your kleenex down the toilet bowl as you used to keep it in the thrash can in your room and the smell of semen would reek.
You decided to take a pee as well and wash your dick for good measure.
After hitting the flush button, you looked at the mirror,
You try convincing yourself that you are not that bad,
if not for that crooked teeth,
if not for that pimple beside your nose
if not for that screwed up hair cut you got because you deserve it for saving on haircuts
if not...
you sigh and drag your feet back into your room, slumping down back onto the chair.

You opened up your games,
ahh, what could ever go wrong when you're cruising in paradise city,
or throwing fucking shurikens, or gunning down zombies.
there's always a retry option, and you know your fucking AIs will always get your back.
haven't you always aced in that dating sim game?
& you ponder what actually went wrong.

mind drifting, you're back to the meaningless scrolling of feeds again, before heading to summoner's rift.
You called for MID, only to find some loser who's awake somewhere else in this sunny island insta-locked (instantly choosing a champion, and locking in) Ahri on you because;
1. he might have a bad day
2. he's just a fucking troll
And it ended like the latter when the nexus blows up with the red-lit defeat scowling at you.
You cursed at your fate.

Your torrent had a notification popping up just when you're attempting mental suicide.
"shion 0201 -snis091 has finished downloading, click here to open file"
you watched in awe but you're too tired for round 2, so you KIV it with a smirk in your face.
& you wished you have a girl like that. For you would not be succumbing to meaningless sex with your left hand.

You looked at your finished torrents, the endless list of porn and movies that you wanted to watch but put it off.
You'd got a hell lot to backlog.
but you close it anyway, there's always another day for this.
You're back in youtube again, opening some mix tape.
It's time for some Calvin Harris therapy as you always hope to find love in hopeless place.
Oh that girl in the elegant black glittery one piece dress you met at Zouk,
God, she's so cute. (pretty, beautiful, you bet she's got a kind heart even thou she grind with other guys)
you regretted again, not taking her number.
And there's the other one, that poly girl with a pony tail which you didn't "take" because your friend wants her.
A little part of you died inside as you saw them making out as your friend attempts to hi-5 you behind her back.

You're disappointed at yourself and you decided to make up afew more rules for yourself which you might not follow or even remember tomorrow.
"fuck, next time see chio bu i chiong liao"
"next time must have balls talk to them first"
"ah, i have the book right, the jio zhar bo book. next time take out read liao"
how many next time do you have?

But did anyone remember the good deeds you did in silent?
how you offered a sobbing girl a pack of tissue,
or how you carried a drunk girl out of the club in the least obscene way possible which prevent her from sleeping with a jerk, who might go raw on her because he have a "jiao bin" (cock face) and because he can't hold back his fucking cum so she might be sitting outside some clinic crying and slapping herself while waiting for her turn for abortion?
Fuck, you drew a conclusion: Nice guys finish Last.

You got up, took a stick of winston reds with you and grab your lighter as you head out of your room.
You traced the familiar steps along the dark living room,
You pushed open the window and lit up your stick.
You sucked it all in, as you felt the nicotine kicked into your blood stream, inhaling all of the irony dosage of poison which stood by you in times of need.
You looked out at the dark block of HDB opposite as you slowly exhale,
Tracing the little windows "boxes" with lights still on, you always wondered about their life, about their story.
Which you would never find out.

You saw a seem to be "bra-less" girl standing by the window, 2 blocks away from you,
in her oversize tee, taking a smoke.
You swore you saw her nipples as boy did she not expect some loser to be out smoking by the window still.
You looked at her so hard that you might actually burn a hole through her face, but before you know it, it's game over when you didn't manage to get her attention in a stick's time.
She's too busy with her cell phone anyways.
Dammit! you curse and flick your stick down, while you looked at the swirling light descend down before tumbling into darkness as the miniature flare extinguished upon the impact.

You're back at your computer again, meaningless.
You ignore your imaginary check list of works, you might not even finish typing that emo rant that you opened just now.
what do you know? procrastination is your best friend.
You looked at your wrist watch, which is still laying in the same position,
it's 10 minutes after 5, tick tock
Here we go again...

It's tough.
Yes, nights like this,
it's really tough...

confessions of a warwrick

We're drinking by the tavern,
a yet again victory with my fellow mates

"My grizzly fur that brushes against the wind,
when i'm chasing down in the league,
fearless, as they claim.
but stupidity bought me nothing but shame.

The cursed concoction conjured by my brother,
only made me look unlike no other,
that missing ingredient that i seek,
the heart of a celestial being completes the trick

Trekking down from shadow isles,
the silver i'd gotten with the help of elves,
trapping down the dire wolf,
from which it fangs that i cut loose,
left the hearts of the celestial beings
my eyes was almost beaming

chasing down the child of the stars
in it's heart i would put it in my silver jar
silenced by the child and drove away,
fuming with anger and exhilarating dismay

i clenched my fist and demanded the potion,

The Chemist looked and me and then to his unfinished concoction,

moving towards him, i'd unleash my beast from within,

grabbing the potion and taking it all in

i felt the immerse heat & fell onto the floor

i know i wasn't human anymore...

Back on my feet, after my baneful treat

I looked at the petrified chemist, sighed and retreat

As guilty i know he is, it's rage who consumed me

Silenced, just like a fleeting dream

Ready to take down anyone who stands between me,

i even took down the innocent manatee

Trekking down the heart of the beast, 

There, i sharpens my claws and prepare for the feast..."

Another round please ask the Blood Hunter,

clinging beer and lowering into a whisper, 

i heard, there's another celestial being in runeterra, isn't it?

amongst the table he ask.

Yes said the Spirit Walker, and all hushed within

"Ao Shin.."

Peopl3: worker bees

The worker bees in our little commune,
Everyone is just a slave for one another.
It all goes in a circle. And yet, all still bows down to the grim reaper.
when they would be sleeping 5ft under.

Volume 3: Worker Bees


A plump size lady, earphones plugged in, oblivious to the outside world as she squeeze herself into the bus every morning.
Ignoring the scorns and leers of the other people, she shove her enormous self up into the bus, whilst eyes glued into her minature tv holding by her giant hands.
There she go, numbing herself for months. She know she wasn't born pretty and she'd already learn to numb herself in many ways since young,
no thaunts and leers could get through her ears while she lived in her happy world.
Commiting herself to this daily routine, working in the backlines, oblivious to politics, she likes things in order, in control.
Simplicity, Single, Happy.

---

His sling bag slides lazily as he walks, newspaper held between his armpits, fingers pressing violently on the buttons of the controls as he's trying to beat his new highscore.
Who would have known his existence? He quietly sneak into a seat on the bus and just played on.
Not a social butterfly since young, he always envy those who stands out.
But never did, not when his brighter sister is in the spotlight amongst his family.

---

Hair combed back, suave, he could pass off as a model. His eyes could charmed you and guys swarm to him listening to his "bed"-time stories. He had a scandal with almost any other female in the office and the female boss loves him.
Charming eyes, narcissistic smiles, he spends most of his time in social media than work, yet it's his face that gives him credit for. His ill gotten promotion started tongues wagging behind his back, so is his crazy party life. Girls threw themselves onto him, and he threw them off after using them. After a crazy day at work, there he was, only with his solitude in his elevator on his way home.

---

He woke up on the dot everyday, preparing himself, making sure he didn't miss out anything before he hastily left the house. Why is he always late even when he set the alarm up early?
A typical JC-uni graduate, he spent most of his lives facing books, rather than talking to people.
The marks wars taught him how to go solo, and little did he realize, that socializing is just as important as studying. He would missed out every one meeting from his old friends, and confine himself in the comforts of his room, mugging aggressively, as if building stockpile for the war.
And yet as prepare he was, he was unprepared during the many interviews.
It was only one company that took him in, offering a measly 1.7k for his degree, yet he have no choice but to take it anyway. Yet he was given tons of work, and ad hoc errands.
It's always so difficult to please his boss.
Didn't father and mother say all will be well if we get good grades?
Why school didn't teach us how to please the boss?

---

Shaking her legs on a high stool whilst watching her favourite movie on funshion, you could definitely felt her annoyance in her "WHAT?" when u asked her a question. Sitting by the push cart, watching shows just so time can pass faster. With just an o level cert and an abortion experience under her belt, there's nothing much less she can do besides posting cleavage photos in her instagram. Her tribal rose tattoo engraved behind her back after her first serious boyfriend left her gave her nothing but pain. Moving on, the guys she met are all jerks, and yet she fall for the same trick, again and again, until her recent abortion.
Yet she seek comfort from the rose, strong, sturdy, protecting itself from outsiders with her little thorns.
Who would know of her stories?

---

"Bye!" He wave goodbye to his fellow cliques before departing. He just can't wait to get home to catch the latest episode of one piece. Opening his manga app the moment he's alone, he continue from where he'd left off in his manga. Working in the IT sector, he was cut off from feminine contact right after his poly days, much less in Army which comes right after that. After nicking 5 years off and working in the it sector, he faces the least human contact and only interacts with gadgets and such. His little tech buddies are much less the same and it's always talks about anime, games or the upcoming geek movies that's going to be up.

Back into his room after work, with his babe posters staring back at him, he heaved a sigh, not knowing how else to get out of his life.

---

She woke up every morning, before lazing in bed with alittle snooze boost before dragging herself out of bed. Work yet again. The women in the mirror gave her strength, when she looked at herself, dolling up, carefully planting her make up. She could easily sneak into the bunches of typical OLs, yet not one knows how hard she work everyday. Entertaining clients, entertaining bosses, putting bread on the table. It's alittle too young to be talking about money, but as the eldest of the lot, she chose to give up her uni dreams so as to gel the household.

Alone, she felt. Distant, from her boyfriend. The long relationship falter as they were worlds apart. Plunging into self sabotage, he is as just as helpless as she herself is. Like they're between a glass wall. Yet, their hands connect in between the panels, smiling to each other.

"i love you.." he whispered,
"& i always will" he said, as tears stream down his face.

her other hand clenched tightly, hating how destiny have woven.. yet, unregretful for the beautiful love.

---

the baby's cries sounded like a siren amongst the house. She woke up with a jolt, not even glacing at the clock which shows 4am before tending to the baby. It was before she know it, when her actual 5.30 alarm sounded. Her husband still sleeping soundly opened his eyes lazily before dragging his feet up. As if on auto pilot after the usual morning greetings, the couple shuffled their feet, as if in sync, with each tending to their own business, not even crossing the each other's path. This smooth transition brings them back to the dining table when they have their dinner the night before. A simple french toast with eggs, he held the bread while position himself to face the TV, when it beamed to live, showing channel news asia.

***

the door bell rings-

"here comes the baby sitter" he said as she did his tie and he tided up her clothes, & clipped her hair. They looked at each other deep in the eyes when the knocking broke off their eye contact.
It's time to wake up.

---

He closed his eyes in annoyance when he heard that familiar beep just as he drove pass the ERP. It seems like the ERP would never miss him out. He clenched tightly onto his steering wheels in frustration as he was reminded to top up his cash card by the card reader.
"top up again, how dare they?" yet he can do nothing about it.
Helpless, bounded by the income ceiling, he could no longer get out of the middle class household.
His heavy bank loan in his 4-room flat took a huge toll on him and he could not think of any practical idea than to work his ass off.

He opened his letter box, and cursed again as he draw out the usual telco bills.

The kids turned up their head to the familiar faces when they head the metal door cranked open.
Running up to her father, she exclaimed "Papa wo jin tian de ting xie na yi bai fen! ni jiang yao mai wan ju gei wo de!"

"oh, fuck me."

---

play ; therapy

My last psychotherapy.

It's beautiful.

It touched my heart.

it touched me so bad that i want to remember all of it.

this moment whereby i play back my life, and play it on the paper right in front of me.

the most beautiful 5 stage of my life.

i can never forget,

how such tiny toys can reply the scenes of my life, bringing the miniature right onto me.

how i changed, from a colorless boy, to someone who found his first best friend,

how i learn how to cherish friendship, and found a buddy that been with me throughout my lifetime,

how i changed, to some noisy bickering rowdy bastard.

how i toned down, and run blindly after the girl of my dreams.

how i gave her all my firsts, without regret, despite all the hurts and heartbreak, and how i'm willing to go thru it all over again just that it's worth it and it attributes to who i am.

how i found that guy gangs are not that bad after all, recruiting the brotherhood. no matter how different we are, but we stand united, together against all odds.

and slowly, the phase of life when i met friends who're worth of a keeper, friends worth connecting for, going that extra miles for, and friends that i'll look after and keep them with me.

it all ended with a beautiful painting that i'd conjured with my memories,
the different phases of life and how much i'd changed.
i'm grateful, for what bestowed upon me. i always learnt how to appreciate.

admiring the finest painting,
i took a snap shot in my mind and keep it deep in my heart.













of course, not forgetting the current hiccups that i'd been getting.
i want to be free.
i want to be set, free..

doppelgänger

this is the one of the many places i can escape to,
i guess?
other than the beautiful RWS, i'm not that rich for such extravagant escapades that i'd to make do with this.

monday swept by,
yet another monday again,
everyday, i silently pray for a quiet day out at the sea,
where everything passes by smoothly,
quietly...
peacefully...

***

we said goodbye,
we had our fare of fun,
but in life, everyone have to serve their time.
when it's time to go,
we look back, days at the sun,
thick and thin, we went through it all,
in our little Singapore.


there u guys went,
i felt... quiet...
maybe it's all whom that matters which kept Ronnie alive in PAD.

yes, i'd got some persona issues D:
and it's pretty bad.
but i hate to admit it but i really enjoy the me in camp,
days that i just want to be a jackass.
a prick, a chee bye kia.
maybe it's all the people that's keeping him alive,
people who pushes me to just go out there, throw off that reserve shell and enjoy my time around.


we always live as one,
so what happens if one of us dies..?

-doppelganger

Pas de deux

Yesterday,
I could smell the winds of blues blowing already. Been on this emo-wreck phase, and to top it off, I'd got duty.
Gyess I could do with some day off my computer and emo-ing.

***

I couldn't sleep a wink, I'd been having insomia for like 2/3 weeks and it's killing me the fact that I can sleep the moment I close my eyes. Rolling around, trying to clear my thoughts, then again realize I'm thinking of things to clear my thoughts which ironically ruined the whole point.
Unmotivated, lazy, totally opposite of goal driven and I feel so much like a burst tyre, except I'm getting fatter with all the food.

Woke up at 5 where I decide to just get out of bed and chill on my computer. I'm so awake, wide awake. I couldn't even close my eyes as my sense of awareness heightens. The sound of the fan irritates me as I subconsciously counts the rhythm, wait for the wind, I could hear everything, amidst the stupid ringing sound that would probably stay with me for the rest of my life. I could hear the music from my brothers room, could even feel the lights underneath my door that was on.

"So fuck this shit"
"Since u want it that way" I told my body which didn't want rest.
Got up and on my computer, before slumping my heavy body onto my chair while waiting for my pc beamed to life.
Watched drama while stuffing snacks into my mouth.
FML.

Left the house before I blurry double check my bag for duty.

***

I miss our paux de deux.
The one and only, irreplaceable one.
The graceful steps,
How we give, how we take, vice versa.
How closely knitted,
The joyous energy,
Floating through the air.
A fairy tale, woven out of fate and destiny.

paux de deux,
Graceful steps throughout the dusk.
Till we see the morning sun,
It'd been an enjoyable worthy run

***

My bus throttled down the uneven roads, as I hit away on my berry keypad. Maybe this is the best way I release.

**

Armor: iota of truth

there're days when i was unknowingly smarter.
alittle more intelligent,
guess that's when my brain juice starts flowing into the right place.
still no scientific explanation for this occurrence 
but since my poly days, i call it.

"trance"

it happened again, in C's care as we're talking.


***
you should live your own life.
it'd been so long that you'd entwine yours with someone.
i want you to go live your life,
do something you want.
learn something, do something stupid, anything.
just for yourself.

-analogy comes here-

U can't always be her knight in shiny armor
(U can't always be the knight in the shiny armor).
For u have to live for yourself.
that armor is too heavy.
Put it down once in awhile,

But then again, u will only have to wear the armor until u found the kingdom worth.
Worth fighting for,
Worth wearing the armor and defending for..

"i want you to go live your life,
U can't always be her knight in shiny armor, u have to live for yourself.
 it's time to put down that heavy armor,
until you found a kingdom worth fighting for"



Keywords.


what happened next was a turn-off as i burst out laughing:
"KNN SOLI FOR RUINING THE MOMENT, BUT THAT'S SOME DEEP SHIT"


---
i was totally psyched by this analogy, it's pretty cool i swear.
and i starts throwing in keywords and all because i forgot how i said it the moment it came out of my mouth.

 well it is along the line of this, but i swear at that moment, i string them up alot better.
it could've just been part of a script.
yea, like a show.
how ironic when life is just like any drama.
the world is a gigantic stage,
and all of us are our own lead.
no, NG
no CUTs,
one take, one shot.
that's all you have at life.

Taken

Off you go,
Taken, and gone with the wind.
Your soul, floated up to the heavens,
For all the good you did,
Never did we expect it comes so suddenly,
Jaded, faded, you go,
Peacefully to the town of gold,
Living in his arms eternally.
May you find peace, amongst the quietest city,
Where the rustling leaves blow
You smile, free from pain,
Free from all, problems ceased.
Rest in peace

...

Today is a weird day.
Strangely, I feel this surge of energy.
Did I purged that out to counter the news?
That.. I never know.
but I did enjoy myself, with a tinge of emptiness.
The news didn't come so suddenly, expected, but.. Alittle too soon..
Motivated, been motivating myself.

Work or not, I wanna live my life, run with the winds, do what I like. Ogling at babes. spend on what I like.. For life's too short for regrets.
Planned an artsy Sunday with ernest, and I invited aaron as well.
Remembered when I talked about me wanted to find back some lost connection?
Well, this social link, I call them yappa and nesty. yes, stupid nicknames :P

---

Head over to chinatown with yappa first before nest join us @ sam.
Nice, had a meal of mac and also some random fan meeting w/ the cast of ah boys to men.
It's random, but it's nice seeing tosh and his crew rocking the crowd at china town.
Smart move director neo :P definitely.

Oh, why china town? Because we use to go there often.
Fans of toys, fingurines, and lots of random stuff. Sunday is when the floors of china town square comes alive, coughing up a small community of fans and nerds alike.
It's a nice little community, weapon collectors, anime fans, card traders u can find them all.
There's a little jack of all trades in me, hence this trip.

 ---

Met Ernest later and there we go, exploring and playing with visual arts. I can never describe how I like interacting with them. I'm not a fan of photo taking, but trust me, I become a totally different person once I step into an art musuem, ideas starts brimming, humour, cliche, and a whole lot of unexpected shit that the little artsy blood starts flowing thru my brains throwing in random ideas.
We ended the day with a foot long subway and an impromtu movie session.
Hansel and Gretel: witch hunters.



It's okay.
But spend most of the time with my eyes glued to Gemma Arterton gosh how can hansel stand such a hot sister? :P
Literally drooling all over the cinema floor when the credits starts rolling. And aye, it's a soso movie, light laugh, predictable, pretty much? Ruthless witch brawling and well I'll give it a 6/10.
And there we go, home (:

Jungle

Social Links, again.
Yes somewhat I'd been neglecting since I'm going thru a homey phase. Time to play hermit, sitting at home, quiet nights and computer games, topped with late night supper with afew friends.
Quiet as it is...

***

Was slapped by the strong cold air of the aircon the moment I board the bus back home. Tried to avoid eye contact with the ezlink tap gadget, didn't wanna remind myself of how poor I am..

Awww fuck..

New year eve. Today, and I head back to camp. I told myself that it'd be fun. Taking it as going out, in smart 4. It's like a reuion I guess..
Been ages since I connect with them and yes, I felt so distance. My evoker is definitely not working and I'm napping my way off this half day.

"What went wrong?" I always wonder.

Trading our cards, meet ups and all the fun definitely wasn't fake. Or am I just got so much into character that I didn't realize that I'm pretending?

"Definitely not, the joy and laughter are not doubt genuine"

Yes they are, and they always will be.

-Sighs- "just what went wrong?"

I'd seen a lot. Keepers or not, we know best. But this tinge of inevitable awkwardness that dwells amongst, is smth I would wanna kill before the year end.

"Maybe I'd been away for too long, social links work this way doesn't it?"

Follow the law of the jungle, paint your face for there is a war coming. Shooting invisible bullets, throwing invisible knives. The enemy is one invisible, among us.

answers.

i looked into the tiny book of answers.
and i saw a blank page.
how was i.. contemplating to wrote down my own answers.

i'm from the moon,
and u lived in mercury
i always looked at how fate puts us together
yet we're meant to be torn apart by destiny.
the air could never mix with the water.
 
when the moon child met the princess of mercury,
he forgotten it all,
you led me down into the forest of love,
and we got lost there,
dancing,
singing,
hugging,
for years..
we're still inside,
familiar, but are we still lost?

venice right..?
maybe i'll find my answers there.
eventually..

hana

Initially i'm just watch for the sake of watching it so i can delete it.
(because i accidentally downloaded the blu-ray version and it's fuckig 11 gb)
it didn't took me long to dive into the film, and before long i was sucked in, together with the charms of christian bale. he really can pull it off.
but it all paid off.
beautiful cinematography.
very beautiful slow motions that capture the war scene.
2 words. beautiful & tragic.

A beautiful film.
a very beautiful film, about human love, the beautify of human nature.
people who inevitably weaved together in the presence of war.



alot of movies are made in relation to the infamous masscare during the war @ nanking.
u can read about nanking masscare on wiki.
well heartless are they? during the war, how they bought our motherland 6 feet under.
so brutal that they didn't even show mercy in churches and hospital.

the past is indeed jaded. and how dare they tried to hide it, hide their shameless sin from the future generations.
rape, murder, abuse, more than u can think of. of cos they are forgiven, but such things can never be forget.
and one little apology from a japanese girl touched my heart in the pages of the guest book from ford factory (i think, or was it some other historian museum).
it went along the line after her introduction with squarish hand writing in japanese while squeezing english translation in between, saying that she's really shocked and was so sorry that it all happened, and how sorry and ashamed that she felt..
i dk if it's all made up or what, but at least. that chunk of text touched me in the slightest bit

-

i'm a sucker for war films and war biographies and this film touched me in the many of their ways.

how noble were people then.
the earth was a better place if not for the war.
twisted beauty of human sacrificial.
there the flowers bloomed with their bloodstained pedals while bullets rained down from the heavens.

People. Vol 2

*i just need to write a long post to waste time, and after dipping into volume one for inspiration, i'm up once again*

Disclaimer:

this is obviously and absolutely boring work of mine since i'm rooting myself on my computer chair.
im just simply doing this as an act of procrastination for my shower. despite this, all works here are base on my thoughts long ago and any similarities to situations or character is either coincidental or it's basically me being stereotypical.

People. Vol 1

The Many People.

A cheery school girl, who skips to school everyday, humming her favourite melody.
slack to the fullest, copying school work from her studious friend.
the little girl who dance in the rain, holding her hands outwards to the skies, as if touching the many confetti that're thrown to her during the celebration of life.
the wet confetti thrown by the invisible arms from the heavens.
the other way to look at rain in life...

***

The little baby, being strapped onto his mum, his head wobbling in an unstable momentum against his mother's pace down the road. Fascinated, he sees giant machines that looked similar to the mini toy cars he played, roaring loudly across the road, not forgetting the mystical stick which shoots out beams of lights which control the cars, as if the conductor of a major band playing a beautiful symphony.
The naive baby.
"Oh, mummy's moving when it's green light too. So do we gets controlled by that mystical stick when we grow up too?"

***

Threads of white hair can be seen forming on the side, sitting on the red coffeshop chair which everyone knows, he heave his legs off his slippers and rest them on another.
On it's tables are many gleaming bottles that reflected against the old florescent light in the coffeeshop. Lying back his head, he breathed in the burning paper stick wrapped with nicotine and felt smoke work it's way in this body as he draws it down into the lungs. Some crushed bet slips are seen on the floor, probably an act of wrath when felt betrayed by the god of wealth. Streams of smoke came out in line from his nostrils, as if an mechanical dragon.
"Eh Chio eh, Lai Yi Duo Yi Ping Carlsberg!"

***

---

People. Vol 2

Sorrows I

***

The guy who clubs every week, as if like exercise, seeking for love on every wednesday night to numb himself. He is smooth, he could get girls. He's sleek, he drives out every night, hoping the night hound would for a moment engulf his innocent naive self, the one who got cheated and dumped, speeding pass countless lamp lights with a lighted cigarette in the corner of his mouth.

Nicotine and alcohol filled his brain and blood

but yet what could fill his empty heart? when girls are just nothing but pouring into his bucket full of holes. They can never be filled you know? 

***

This young girl, looking for love in the virtual world every night. For she would lives in the virtual world, root herself to her chair in front of her pixelated screen. Firing away chat bubbles out to this wide virtual ocean of love, which love is as hard to find as a needle in the sea. It wont stop, her countless chat media, the various beeping sounds which could only signify how hungry she were. Her thirst arises after she broke up years back, she got enough of soaking her pillow with tears. But to no avail, there are many more dark figures lurking than the prince. She'd got her own fair share of failures, but yet she just didn't give up. Yet deep inside she knows that no one is going to save her if she took a bite at the poison apple.

***

His ipod plugged into his ears, more than 12 hours a day, be it walking to school, walking back. He goes out alone, as if seeking for.. an answer. Isolating his schooling life from his personal ones, he would be alone, most of the time, and his ipod would be like a part of him, attach to his ears all the time, as he eats, smoke, stroll around the park looking at people. He can't hear the outside world screaming words of reality at him.

He's a dreamer. And we would never know what is he listening either.

***

Pushing her pram down the outskirts of bugis street, she had a tough time navigating through the crowd. Pulling up the shutter, another day begins as she position her pram before throwing off her bills and receipts chunked sling bag onto the counter. 

Her mind begins to ponders, oblivious to customers who streams in unless summoned. Of her life, of how her decisions caused her to fall. And how that jerk just didn't pay for what he'd done, yet the victim is the one who pays the price after throwing all the cards on the table. 

Sitting down listlessly as she looked at the pram, miniature limbs waving wildly at the noisy crowd. Looks like the baby's gotten use to life too right?

"eh hey, uhm this one how much ah?"

***

Tears stream down the corner of her eyes as she sat by the playground in the middle of the night. She heave a heavy sigh while slowly slitting her wrist with a cigarette her mouth. Swiping her fringe to the side, biting hard on the filer as she saw her wounds open again.. Just like the old times when she found out that he was just toying with her. Sobbing harder than ever, how she hates to face the world in the day, and how she would escape at night. She screams were silent and pain is her friend. How dare he? she love him, deceived by his honey smeared words, which crudely made her open herself to him, and her legs as well. She gave him his all, but yet what was given was not reciprocate. It will never be returned.

She felt like a caged bird. It's like she never left. 

***

Need more brain juice.

(brb)

devil's nest

when the sun sets, the devil comes to play
chilling the air, goosebumps with dismay
for he waste no time,
in the puff of smokes that swim through the air
roaming through your body, your life and your lair
you stood there helpless and you want to cry
but no sound could escape no matter how you try

he skips he hops he flies he smiles
down the little grim dark aisle.
down came the thunder, and then the rain
there your life would forever be stain

you can never run u can never hide
for he would haunt your life until you die
there the devil, lying on his cloud
using his slitted tongue making hissing sounds

weaving your stories with his cursed vines
you life and his, will forever be entwined.
yes he is here, he's here to play
here come's your life darkest bane

People

Disclaimer:

this is obviously and absolutely boring work of mine since i'm rooting myself on my computer chair.
im just simply doing this as an act of procrastination for my shower. despite this, all works here are base on my thoughts long ago and any similarities to situations or character is either coincidental or it's basically me being stereotypical.

People. Vol 1

The Many People.

A cheery school girl, who skips to school everyday, humming her favourite melody.
slack to the fullest, copying school work from her studious friend.
the little girl who dance in the rain, holding her hands outwards to the skies, as if touching the many confetti that're thrown to her during the celebration of life.
the wet confetti thrown by the invisible arms from the heavens.
the other way to look at rain in life...

***

The little baby, being strapped onto his mum, his head wobbling in an unstable momentum against his mother's pace down the road. Fascinated, he say giant machines that looked similar to the mini toy cars he played, roaring loudly across the road, not forgetting the mystical stick which shoots out beams of lights which control the cars, as if the conductor of a major band playing a beautiful symphony.
The naive baby.
"Oh, mummy's moving when it's green light too. So do we gets controlled by that mystical stick when we grow up to?"

***

Threads of white hair can be seen forming on the side, sitting on the red coffeshop chair which everyone knows, he heave his legs off his slippers and rest them on another.
On it's tables are many gleaming bottles that reflected against the old florescent light in the coffeeshop. Lying back his head, he breathed in the burning paper stick wrapped with nicotine and felt smoke work it's way in this body as he draws it down into the lungs. Some crushed bet slips are seen on the floor, probably an act of wrath when felt betrayed by the god of wealth. Streams of smoke came out in line from his nostrils, as if an mechanical dragon.
"Eh Chio eh, Lai Yi Duo Yi Ping Carlsberg!"

***

Looks like i got lazy again. Time to shower~

pass

twisted fingers, twisted thoughts
all the mind battles that i'd fought
swirling in my mind like a whirlpool
end of the day i wondered, am i actually the fool
crawling with blisters on my fingers
with one hand clinging on your mother fucking picture.

i just wanted a place to rant,
a wall that i could scream at and wont echo back as if challenging me
a doll which i can bitch around to but smiles back at me and tell me it's alright.

i'd got no idea,
really no idea.
well it's a strange side of me,
cancerians, are pretty twisted isn't it?
weird sea creatures that dwells in 1 shell, that hermit.
afraid of change, and wont step out of their comfort zone.
no idea what's in this gigantic black void that's lingering below beneath my heart.

if you're wondering my story's been a fairytale, then you're wrong.
so what if it's a book with a golden frame.
u just didn't realise the torn and jaded pages, and if you look closer over that, the prince is not me, i'm actually the one being tied up and dragged across the town by the horse. D:

i had my fair share of suffering oh hell yes i do.
ever tried getting played? waited like a dog.
i'm not sure if dog is the right word to describe my "then" state? but i'm sure u treat me worst amongst ur past stead then?
throwing me and let me wait alone for like 4/5 hours?
moreover i got no idea ur social circles extended to even the dark side.
with all the names down in your phone.
i helplessly lingers when i watched you fly into the storm.
how u treated me like an old play toy, casting me off when u don't need me.
how you stood and watched as i cry, as i teared and throw off my pride as a men and went down.
i can't even run, and i stood there. alone.
maybe it's worst than alone. there, my parents watched helplessly as i lay down with my pillows and act out a funeral scene like in the movies. LIKE NOW
as if it would nvr put things right again.
sad

tons and lots of stuff that i kept locked into my mine where i don't wanna retrieve.
such twisted stuff, that's indescribable purged my head like a poison lotus set within a pond, kill other creatures as it blossom. Not that beautiful after all isn't it?
such twisted things that changed how i thought, and i how i changed the weight of importance in my heart. even to the extend of actions that i'd do.
i regret every ounce of it that'd stained this book.
but i know the pages can't be rewritten.
i'd been rob of what i had,
the kind in me, all gone.
how it all shaped me, turning me into a monster.
i'd got no patience never would i want to wait.
better let the world down then the world let u down, let Mr CaoCao said,
i'm scared of thieves, thats why i woke up every night despite having 3 burglar alarm. I peer out of the window every night to check despite having installed security cameras, having afraid that it wont capture their faces.

once bitten twice shy, a burnt child dreads fire.
but what if i'm helplessly in love with the flames that eats my skin.
i could only falter.

we're all twisted.
u and i.
you'd got ur story and i'd got mine
but when the coin's flipped, it only show one side.
but fuck it, i'm still gonna fight.

i would still walk this maze if it's a dead end.
so much for saying smth sweet. didn't think u care after all -deletes tweet-

dMAN

April Fool! :D
well i didn't trick anyone today, but anyways spend the other half of my day with ma rangers.
MVC @ vash's place is really awesome and i'd really like to admit that his place is one of the place that i'm really comfy with.

i'd been to many places of my friends and well some of them had given me some weird creeps. Say i just felt uncomfy, not due to any supernatural instinct, but it isn't fun at all. No offense but it's like a book with a beautiful cover but lukewarm content. Not that it's boring, some of'em had got their fair share of entertainment, like a gigantic tv & a ps3.
but well, maybe closeness and the attitude of the host is a very very important factor. & also well maybe what we do is something impt as well :D
i enjoyed playing the role of the spectator but obviously not spending 3 hours trying to see you kick ass in your ongoing installment of the RPG.

nevertheless dinner @ subway was great when kunda join and after that followed by Zak who'd just booked out LATE. Was discussing about the new army phones that me and kd is getting and i just realized that i might only have like 20 contacts in my new phone :/
it's a joy to meet up with you guys and it's pretty amazing to see that how much we matured as the topics we talked are not just cartoons and girls, BUT of cos' girls'd always been trending in our talks but also coupled with army, news or any latest epic news.

***

sad to say. i felt really sorry for your friend.
i'd hope that Jill will use every ounce of her strength to make him see the point.

it's the game, and humans of the male species had this thing in them, coupled with pride, i call it the superior blood theory. I'd discussed this with aaron and kd before and yes we do have "superior blood", coupled with the fact that we're chinese. You'd seen how Chinese touched on the fact regarding the importance of pride and all. But also, who's being in control or who wanted to be in control of the relationship is another factor. You can't forget not to look at who's more willing to contribute to improving the relationship too thou

the guy might be disconnected from this link which you'd established regarding contacts of the opposite gender and yes this happens when guys are just guys. common problem.

...Why ang mo are so cool with bgr and didn't think much that their spouse had sex with any other beings of the opposite gender, yet us chained by the threads of traditions takes it so seriously.
some of you might be thinking you're cool with that. there're girls living in this new era of clubbing girls providing one night stands to the likes of lustful wolves or virgin seeking for stories to tell their friends. But main point is, most of us at this generation'd not moved on by this :(
i'm one of the living example.

BUT BUT, for men.
being visual creatures, it's the sad truth that we stares at babes and ladies with hot curves but having an extra company is yet another bonus.
and of cos, deep inside most men. they'd theories like men who play are "ai zai" but women who play is categorized into the "got played" section and she's slut.

Guys who're reading this, please wipe off the smirk in your face and stop crossing your fingers with your left hand. :x

gender equality had risen over the years and i hope people who're in a relationship needs to have a mutual understanding or maybe bind contract against their spouse so as to avoid any misunderstanding/miscommunication.
i'd got friends w/ stead whom goes to club every weekend, him to zirca and his gf to rebel. Some couple are alright with post open exposure of the other halves. yet others are not. I wont call it overprotective or being over possessive coz' one need to learn how to know their limit and some couple might not give a green light.

i would really like to admit i'm one of that kind. I got jealous extremely easily and trust me, i would want to lock my gf in a cage if it's possible :D & i hates if when she talks to some guy -_- or when guys strips her in their mind, despite saying it's very sak ki. i hates it when it happens.
P.S. i know the looks, cos i do that too :)
yet deep inside me i want guys to notices her and sees a guy like me is bathing in bliss with a cute gf D: but moving on,

it happens when you want him/her to be completely yours, of cos seeing is believing, so i assume that by physically "keeping" her would provide the extra assurance that i would need. Exaggerations aside, this is no secrets of the men but us men won't mind to sacrificing things of his possessions with the likes of time and a portion of his wealth to get into the favor of his lady or any lady that's appealing to him. That's of cos when looks/personality comes to play. but when the other half is just a friend while you're attach, at least let the players know the rules. Show her the ring on your finger and that draws the line into the amount of skin ship or companionship she could expect. But sometimes guys are ambitious for a reason, they wanted to have the best of both worlds. That's when china have concubines.
Unless she/he keeps pushing themselves to you, then you better do something about it and guys, please don't let the pea brain below your waist level make any unpardonable mistakes.

i know men find it thrilling to "smoke" the other party, like not letting her know that you're attach. You wanted to give her the tiny beacon of hope and wanted her to "interact" with you like you're single. Or, this gives you the privilege to feel single at the very least. D:
I love pokemon too but that's just men. Gotta catch'em all.

Maybe half of the time i didn't really know what i'm rattling about, whether am i explaining or describing. And whether this wall of text could either be the food for inspiration/enlightening, or even act as an extra piece of general information or might even sadly be categorized under junk D:
Nevertheless if disectecd throughly or correctly would the post be a a huge chunk of text.
let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.

kill U again

I'm like so fucking bloated now with all the food burgers and subway rabbling through my stomach wall.
so fucking full that i feel that there's a gigantic helium balloon being blown up inside my stomach and i feel that it's either i would fly or my stomach's gonna tear off my shirt if i continues to eat.

anyways let me start off with what happened today .

Killers


and yes. we watched the killers. and i can't believe i got katherine heigi and tina fey mixed up D: they're both movies of the same genre and the impression's pretty much the same.

"some-romantic spy movie that bond the couple together" thing.
anyways here's a visual comparison for u guys regarding how idiotic i can be.




vs




we kinda took a pretty short nap after that.
just some snuggling and god it's 6.
made a quick dial for mac and we kinda watch a movie up on the mio box which would be removed pretty soon as it's like changed periodically. but i did told her not to blame me if the movie's not nice D:

You Again


yes you again. both movies are really suited for a light laugh on a quite thursday. and no worries, there's not much extra attention to be paid in this movie so she could probably watched the whole show with her head tilted on your shoulder. But anyways i'd reckon those movies're passable :D and yes it's pretty funny so. yay! Says the guy who'd a girlfriend who's even afraid of the movie taken ._.

* * *

anyways i'm really curious why do you girls felt angry when we guys asked you ladies to forage for a better guy. Well a better guy means a better shelter, a better mate and also a better gene which genetically enhance your future baby D: you wont want a baby who goes to Orlando by himself right?

but at any rate as you're saying that we're not feeling you, you're not feeling us D:
you may be right, u think we're the one, but we need to polish ourselves up here and there, but look look, there's already premade good guys around, and even thought we love you, we know there's a tendency you're going to leave, and in our tiny pea brains, after sectioning the reasons out in a pie chart (obviously more helpful visual charts of all other visual aids) shows us it's better to...

why men are good businessman.
- some have balls to close down the whole business as it reduces loss.

sorry if i'm trying to sound like we're looking at the p&l of this r/s. obviously most guys are ripping profit of here but :3 we would like you to be happy coz' we felt you ain't right here. we know we're not perfect and there, this is not a perfect relationship for you

it's like we know we're the luckiest guy on earth, but we know if we're the luckiest guy on earth you're not a very lucky women to be coiled into this disastrous life of ours.

*_*

and well, i mean it if i says i'm ridiculously stubborn. you asked me if i'm the one, yes i'm very sure you are.
(i thought of a huge chunk of text on my head when i'm walking back but look like it'd all scampered off the moment i though of publishing it)

it'd been like that since i'd made a silent vow someday before i even knew you, it's a simple vow, infact it might sound stupid. BUT BUT BUT, you know i can be stubborn in both the right and wrong things, so...

and things happened so magical after that, it felt like a fairy tale isn't it? you have to fucking admit it and you should stop smiling to yourself right now. Anyways did i recount to you how much blood gushed to my brain the moment we held hand? maybe my fringe's blocking the way but it's a whole fucking lot that i could imagine it going up through my eye balls. casting that aside, we do have our fair share of laugh and cries and i'm sure we're filling up our fifth jug or tears probably soon.

P.S. i filled up the first 3 all by myself

anyways this post is not meant to be romantic but... it's like a mini report to the doctor whom i'm suppose to report to now soo.. just bear w/ it, it's gonna be over over 2 scrolls.

in life i'd tried my best to altered myself but it's still not the best. You have to admit i treat my friends pretty well too.
, but once i'd let someone into this circle, usually they're in for good, unless they like to walked out of this, and i'm very sure you're the unlucky lady to be pulled into this hurricane of my life. I'm sure i did more havoc than bliss..
and this tremendously insane long journey is the best that that'd happened to me so far

i'm kinda fingered-tied right now D:
Ciaos ~

monday blues 2.1

well, it's nevertheless mondays blues as i drag my reluctant feet to school.
in this world, everyone had a role to play.
regardlessly of how small you are.
so it's either you waste off time, burning off precious fuel off the lamp,
or you do things you wanted so as to achieve a particular goal.
i'd reckon, it's a fresh start.
so i presume, it's yet another change for me to do my best.

however, after meeting some of the lecturers.
i kinda think twice.
well it's not that we didn't "click"
maybe there's just this generation gap, which allows rebellion to harness.

* * *

mean while, saw if off at allkpop that apparently, SNSD was kinda overwhelmed *cough* by fans today.
to think soshi is nice enough to apologize.
and it wasn't even soshi's fault.



just what's wrong with fans nowadays?
aren't they big enough or mature enough with brains to at least think?
say someone random ran towards you -.-
and yes there're alot more things than that.

"So many stupid dancers took pictures with them when they were performing Heal the world. 1 male dancer put his hand on Sica's waist and she tried to push his hand out but he still put it there.I think she was really uncomfortable"

[credits to soshi]

can't this guy draw a line and at least show some respect ? :(
and well, this sorta allow me to gain quite a few insights,
and actually how terrifying it really is to like fly over to some country and perform.
i might be slow but =/ well i nvr participated in this kinda shit before, but nevertheless, i hope such things will stop. well not only to snsd that is =.=

:: STAR ::

without it.
you dread it so much, dying to lay you hands on it.
sometimes, and idol, is really better off like a star.
just a nice distance for you to enjoy

still wiping off the last bits of my monday blues.
I&E tomorrow, i really hope things gets better.
CHEERS.

just started watching We Got Married recently.
a stimulated marriage show from korea.
it's really nice ya know :D
i started off with Tae Yeon's and Hyung Don's
and there's this nice quote by Lee Waesoo which caught my eye.

"if you don't have who you love at your side, the world is a deserted island" - Lee WaeSoo

OU +

Woked up early in the mornings. Despite sleeping late the other night.
oh well, i actually wanted to head back to bed.
but after 10 mins of rolling and tossing myself about.
i gave up.
i immediately woke up and wash up and all.

watch shows online again,
slacking and all, wanted to head out initially,

wanted to share this with you guys,

Watch this prize-winning video produced by Vinn Bay and Tee Boon Leng for a video competition as part of the ADI (Alzheimer's Disease International) conference in March 2009.



i'm rather amazed that this is in cantonese, yet a film in Singapore.
yea sadly, cantonese speakers are rare =3
anyways, this sad stories, really got me thinking again.
well, i'm really those kinda guys who would really rather avoid seeing old people, no offense, but if i'd seen them, i would be thinking and thinking. "where are their children?"
"shldn't they at least, take care of'em?"
and such and all.
i do charity when i'd seen them,
but after helping one, sometimes i'm really depressed by how little my help was,
and out of so many, only 1 had received my aid,
this really brings me back to when i was with Adel at bugis.
apparently, when we head over to iluma, there's this old man selling tissues.
his beads on his hands and his bald head makes him significant.
we watched a movie, (but that was not the point)
after watching a movie,
i saw him across the road, again. From the side of Iluma,

"you know what, fuck it.
when we're fucking enjoying in the aircondition-ed iluma and watching a movie.
he was fucking standing outside all the while"

"If my future dream is realize and i'm fucking rich, i'm fucking to donate most of my money to help the whole fucking world"

if you think about it, why won't everyone spilt their fortune?
it really make work stop, stops improvement, slows down learning
stops the world where everyone wanted it,
everyone wanted to stand out of each other, that creates this fucked up concept.
ewwwwww ~

Teen nowadays complains only walking to and fro across a heat painted street.
but what do they know?
i'm an ass myself =x

i really adores family warmth =3
can i make my own family niaos? X3

***

isit so hard to keep up with a schedule?
i wan my life back.