tick tock:4am in Singapore. (a male's perspective)

It's 4.05am in the morning,
& i'm absolutely awake, running on my reserve brain juice as epiphany likes to slap me at times like this.
Just a type out of what it's like 4am in Singapore. (a male's perspective)

[it's just a random piece that i'd managed to finish about a short story of a guy struggling at 4am in Singapore.]
nevertheless i'll be thankful if you can relate to that.
yes, days like this. (so either you get it, or you don't)
& please pardon my fucking mistakes.

alittle scream out to the introverts out there.
you're not fucking alone. (no pun)



It's 4.06am in the morning,
You looked at your wrist watch laying at your desk,
You stared into dead screen as it slowly transit to your blank screen saver.
You moved your mouse, keeping your screen alive as if trying to keep you the same way again.

You looked at the mess on your table,
the receipts from afew nights ago, the loose change which you dug out half heartedly from your worn out jeans as you scrambled into you room while trying to take off the skinny jeans which you wore the other night trying to impress the girls, and you swore some change ended up under your bed which you'll get it next time.
You stared at your facebook page, as if hoping for something to happen,
nope. nothing's gonna happen.
loneliness took over, as you looked around for whoever's online, hoping there's someone who share the same cold.
you took up your phone, scrolling instagram as some infamous youtube cover droned on in an long random playlist and the occasional clicks of your favorites by the suggestion bar.

Fuck, you did not just clicked that break up song.
You opened yet another word document, not for your school work, but for your unnecessary emotional scribbles.
As your break up song reach it's bridge, you closed your eyes, and breathe, feeling the cool wind flowing from the oscillating fan, only to be greeted by the god damn smell of the haze that made you to put off your running routine that you picked up a few weeks again.
You pinched your half flabby leg muscle, as you cursed silently.
You just picked up the momentum and now it's all go up to smoke.

You clicked at the youtube's home page now, scrolling through what's hot, recommended, and decided to watch a few trailers.
Yes, you can't wait to watch the new captain america movie, but you'll have to find a date for that.
Regrets starts filling in your head again as you reminisce the good time, the box of movie ticket filled to the brim, which is kept in another box and she always have no idea what the hell is with your obsession with boxes, but nevertheless still loves and accept you for who you are and watches geeky superheroes film with you, like how you do the same and went through the vow with her sobbing on your shirt.
After afew random videos, you ended up clicking on a thumbnail with boobs, only to find yourself watching something totally, stupid, ridiculous and unrelated.

You opened up several chat sites.
"Hi, ASL?"
"hey babe! not sleeping?"
After next-ing afew desperadoes who can't even type properly because they have their dicks in their hands, you gave up,
only to find yourself shaking that stupid chat app which you download just for the sake of looking at girls and saving their photos because you'd got no balls to talk to them.
You click who's near you, and you found some babes within your league, and fingers crossed, you sent them some greetings.
10 minutes after the indication of them having read you message but didn't reply, you knew something was wrong.
fuck that. girls are sluts anyway.

Too lonely, you went for the ultimatum as you hit that porn site.
A huge sigh of relief hit you as it's not snuff up & blocked yet.
You clicked afew videos, opening them in new tabs, legs shaking with excitement as you peered out of your room making sure that everyone's asleep.
You reach for your half tangled Beats, plugging it in excitingly and before you know it, the moans of the japanese school girl filled your ears.
Sensational.
You always make sure you have some fucking Kleenex within your grasp.

Still awake, you went up, dump your kleenex down the toilet bowl as you used to keep it in the thrash can in your room and the smell of semen would reek.
You decided to take a pee as well and wash your dick for good measure.
After hitting the flush button, you looked at the mirror,
You try convincing yourself that you are not that bad,
if not for that crooked teeth,
if not for that pimple beside your nose
if not for that screwed up hair cut you got because you deserve it for saving on haircuts
if not...
you sigh and drag your feet back into your room, slumping down back onto the chair.

You opened up your games,
ahh, what could ever go wrong when you're cruising in paradise city,
or throwing fucking shurikens, or gunning down zombies.
there's always a retry option, and you know your fucking AIs will always get your back.
haven't you always aced in that dating sim game?
& you ponder what actually went wrong.

mind drifting, you're back to the meaningless scrolling of feeds again, before heading to summoner's rift.
You called for MID, only to find some loser who's awake somewhere else in this sunny island insta-locked (instantly choosing a champion, and locking in) Ahri on you because;
1. he might have a bad day
2. he's just a fucking troll
And it ended like the latter when the nexus blows up with the red-lit defeat scowling at you.
You cursed at your fate.

Your torrent had a notification popping up just when you're attempting mental suicide.
"shion 0201 -snis091 has finished downloading, click here to open file"
you watched in awe but you're too tired for round 2, so you KIV it with a smirk in your face.
& you wished you have a girl like that. For you would not be succumbing to meaningless sex with your left hand.

You looked at your finished torrents, the endless list of porn and movies that you wanted to watch but put it off.
You'd got a hell lot to backlog.
but you close it anyway, there's always another day for this.
You're back in youtube again, opening some mix tape.
It's time for some Calvin Harris therapy as you always hope to find love in hopeless place.
Oh that girl in the elegant black glittery one piece dress you met at Zouk,
God, she's so cute. (pretty, beautiful, you bet she's got a kind heart even thou she grind with other guys)
you regretted again, not taking her number.
And there's the other one, that poly girl with a pony tail which you didn't "take" because your friend wants her.
A little part of you died inside as you saw them making out as your friend attempts to hi-5 you behind her back.

You're disappointed at yourself and you decided to make up afew more rules for yourself which you might not follow or even remember tomorrow.
"fuck, next time see chio bu i chiong liao"
"next time must have balls talk to them first"
"ah, i have the book right, the jio zhar bo book. next time take out read liao"
how many next time do you have?

But did anyone remember the good deeds you did in silent?
how you offered a sobbing girl a pack of tissue,
or how you carried a drunk girl out of the club in the least obscene way possible which prevent her from sleeping with a jerk, who might go raw on her because he have a "jiao bin" (cock face) and because he can't hold back his fucking cum so she might be sitting outside some clinic crying and slapping herself while waiting for her turn for abortion?
Fuck, you drew a conclusion: Nice guys finish Last.

You got up, took a stick of winston reds with you and grab your lighter as you head out of your room.
You traced the familiar steps along the dark living room,
You pushed open the window and lit up your stick.
You sucked it all in, as you felt the nicotine kicked into your blood stream, inhaling all of the irony dosage of poison which stood by you in times of need.
You looked out at the dark block of HDB opposite as you slowly exhale,
Tracing the little windows "boxes" with lights still on, you always wondered about their life, about their story.
Which you would never find out.

You saw a seem to be "bra-less" girl standing by the window, 2 blocks away from you,
in her oversize tee, taking a smoke.
You swore you saw her nipples as boy did she not expect some loser to be out smoking by the window still.
You looked at her so hard that you might actually burn a hole through her face, but before you know it, it's game over when you didn't manage to get her attention in a stick's time.
She's too busy with her cell phone anyways.
Dammit! you curse and flick your stick down, while you looked at the swirling light descend down before tumbling into darkness as the miniature flare extinguished upon the impact.

You're back at your computer again, meaningless.
You ignore your imaginary check list of works, you might not even finish typing that emo rant that you opened just now.
what do you know? procrastination is your best friend.
You looked at your wrist watch, which is still laying in the same position,
it's 10 minutes after 5, tick tock
Here we go again...

It's tough.
Yes, nights like this,
it's really tough...

sun wu k[0]ng

oh well, Adel and i kinda overslept today.
yawns.*
0836 and yet i'm still lying on my bed.
life's hectic and stress is engulfing me finger by fingers with it's icy palms.
oh well, head over to NP.
then head to the lib.

being a room raider, i just go into a room w/o booking.
=.= everyone's doing that too XD

kinda do some surfing on artistic pics and all and came across this.
Monkey King.
Sun Wu Kong ~




P.S. you'll bless your fellow monkeys right (: *winks*

& here's a unqiue artist's impression by fuckorange on deviantART.




sorta like the clash of the titans hur? :D
i liked it alot, as it's unqiue and everything.
nevertheless, cg arts, photography is my thing (:
oh well, will update ltr XD ~
CHEERS :D

oh before i go!
pigsy, i loved this, to bits!
it's by AnggaSatriohadi from deviantART




also, with pigsy, wu kong, Tripitaka and Sha Wu Jing.
together with the "not so prominent" dragon prince, weave the stories of Journey to The West.
cute siol!!!

It's hard to find a pretty wife, but it's harder to find a wife who serve you like a king.

Went to cut my hair.
oh well, not much difference >_< then head back home.
was using the com when i came acrossed this mountains of text which i think it'll be nice if i share it with you guys ^^

* * *

[What the Mordern Woman (GCPP Wants]

This is an award-winning story by an RGS girl in a Commonwealth competition

What the Modern Woman Wants
by Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta
convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching
tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may
be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such
speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent
leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter
had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show
very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her
sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old
woman could barely understand. 'Finance' 'Liquidation'
'Assets' 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee
Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on
television. She was speaking in an American accent.

The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her
daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her
perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in
irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she
clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward
the backseat.
The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and
nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it
up and handed it to her daughter.

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence
and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in
America. There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big
and important.

Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view
window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's
wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic
look.

The phone began to ring again, an artificially
cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward
silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The
old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She
remembered her daughter telling her, how an English
name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones
being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to
take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird
daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it
was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that
her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.

'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss
sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands
gripping her plastic bag in defence.
The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It
looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the
ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the
back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main
hall.

Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business
suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she
made her brisk way to her mother's side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call
to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust
at the pungent fumes of incense.

The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a
joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her
now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.

Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter
luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you
have given her. She has everything a young woman in
this world could possibly want. She has a big house
with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is
too clumsy to sew or cook.

Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a
rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the
top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her
everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be
merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while
reaping the harvest of success.

What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to
me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides
well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect
her happiness. A young woman does not want to be
hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in
her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence
she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering
ashes.

She bowed once more.
The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a
melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a
son.

Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her
womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink
cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had
kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby
who could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her
new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed
that her daughter would grow up and have everything
she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed
that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.

She prayed every day that her daughter would be a
great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated,
could never become. A woman with nenggan; the ability
to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who
commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she
opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall
out and men would listen.

She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she
watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her,
speaking a language she scarcely understood. She
watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to
one who openly defied her, calling her laotu;
old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a
word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old
woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods
had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the
wealth and success that poured forth so richly had
buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless,
with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors
by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her
wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman.
Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques,
and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The
old woman knew that you could find happiness with much
less. When her daughter left the earth everything she
had would count for nothing. People would look to her
legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she
would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the
ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all
her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she
had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She
looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter
speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger
and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman
thought, there is only one way to go from there -
down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and
spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar.
Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping
porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so
faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her
aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of
wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped
every day of her life.

Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped
counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would
slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell
at the altar.

The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had
left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in
resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time
to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much
that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot
find it.

Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder.
She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look
of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's
face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing
through the soil of her wants looking for the one
thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.

They climbed into the convertible in silence and her
daughter drove along the highway, this time not as
fast as she had done before.

'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put
this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we
plan to move out of the big house. The property market
is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to
pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a
cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect
one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment
we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more
space to ourselves...'

The old woman nodded knowingly.
Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in
to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the
maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you.
You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that,
the apartment is rather small. There won't be space.
We thought about it for a long time, and we decided
the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home.
There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very
nice one.'

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been
there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's
beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep
you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be
happier there.'

'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter
repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food
offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and
fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her
from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk
deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag,
and her fingers trace the white seat.

'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view
window for her mother. 'Is everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said
firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you
happy,' she added more quietly.

'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can
move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack
your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally
ticking yet another item off her agenda.

'I knew everything would be fine.'

Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps
getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She
had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in
her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had
everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status,
Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her
mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she
picked it up and read the message, still beaming from
ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!'

Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for
her...

And while searching for the meaning of life in the
luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in
the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

* * *

awfully, bad.
is bank notes that thick so as to blind your eyes?
that big so as to cover your heart?
*sighs*
CHEERS.

again.

all over again.
apparently, school's starting up and we're moreover only warming up in the first week.
i'd already lose my momentum in the run.
uh yep, a thing about guys,
girls can make us go crazy, and it's like...
a dog chasing it's own tail.
i could've got something better, but anyways, sometimes it's hard or tiring, or i shall say, lazy for me to pause for a bit, then thinking what is on my mind, the past few hours and so.
Lmao, maybe just feeling unlucky that i'm thinking w/o my laptop so i can't like pen it down or something.
it's already the 4th day of the week,
i'm feeling restless, unmotivated and tired.
so where's the light u suppose to shone on me?

i couldn't care less 'bout my academic once i feel that something is wrong.
oh well, fuck it.

here's a short story i'd like to share :)

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?
Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, It releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

*END*

Dolce Vita

i'd reckon i had to push it aday forward as it's too long to share 2 stories at a go.
oh well, here's yet another love story.
it's translated version, but i'd reckon it's been changed as the slang of talking is more of Singapore. well i guess it's translated to suit our reading.
well, it originated from a chinese novel.


Titled: Dolce Vita.

--------------------
Translated Version
--------------------
Dolce Vita (French)

I met her on the net, how?

I can't remember. but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.

If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. do I have a million? No.
that's why I don't have a house.

If I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. so I can never fly.

If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off? No. That's why I don't love you.

That's me, a typical science student. First you come up with an assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion.

If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.

But she is an exception. she actually mailed me and said that I am an interesting' person.

'Interesting'? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this girl must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage.

Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad -FLYNDANCE- that's quite a unique one.

But I was warning myself: hello, this is the virtual world of Internet. who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.

Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in
disguise. The only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a
herbivore but, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special ....

So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.

Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in AJCRR. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.

She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah... Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction.
Actually what interested me the most is this paragraph she wrote in one of the mails....

'I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd.
Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, it ain't going to stop my rhythm.
Because it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'
I simply cannot relate this girl to any of the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill.

Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this.

"HELLO! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk?? Maybe she' is a guy!"

I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Secondary 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'.

As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".

In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make them into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.

Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many girlfriends he has had.


I went online that night, log onto channel AJCRR and yes!

She is there.

Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message.

"Hey Slorr, so late liao haven't sleep ah?"

Now what? Now what? Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath.

Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her. How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humor, which has gone stale.

"Slorr, me in a foul mood today. Can't sleep, you leh?"

MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what Slorr Slorr...

Now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows, it might attract some innocent gals in talking to you."

"I am not feeling very good too. So let's sad together."

Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I am not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all.

And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:

"Since you are feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"

I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHINESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP."

And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes. So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her.

"Ok, but you haven't greet me leh."

DAMNIT!.. how can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me MR COURTEOUS' in school.

If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lose all my female fans.

"Nice to meet you, miss long-hair."

"I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.

Tye said that:


"FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be long-haired or a desperado, 'COs when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt. So if she doesn?ft has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she dances, AH-HA!!.. this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.."

"Eh? How you know I got long hair?"

BINGO! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. Yes!

"Not only that, I also know you seldom wear skirt."

I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever.

"Err... I guess you are right lor. But how you know one?"

"Just guess."

"Ok lor. Hey Slorr, tell you what, me tired liao, you coming online
tomorrow morning?"

"Ya, why??"

"Please please please say the you coming too, if not I am going to kill myself for letting you go tonight. I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then. Good night."

"Er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too."

I just blurted out a last sentence ....Offline.

Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now.

But is the season of spring really arriving for me?? I wish...............


Slorr, what a coincidence ahh"

"Yeh, I am not late."

"Ya lor, so qiao."

Girls are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I have to pretend that its not.

They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life.

"Slorr, you talking nonsense lah."

"NONSENSE? Ok, let me tell you what is nonsense. Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter.

Then he will call out loud the name of the girl, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."

"Slorr, you siao liaoz ahh?"

"I siao? Ok, let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and you can see birds stop over at his side admiring his work. And there will be a girl whose the model, most probably naked."

"Slorr, but these all very romantic mah."
"ROMANTIC? Hello miss, romance only survive in novels and movies.

In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the girl may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.

Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the girl because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."

"Slorr, you hate romance?"

"I hate romance? Nope, I am just using my knowledge of statistics to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!! Some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I object, because I am not tall."

"?Slorr.... objection overruled..."

I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon.

"Slorr, are you hungry?"

"Ya, you leh?"

"Yes, guess its time for lunch...Slorr.."

"Then do you think we should?"

"Slorr, I am just asking. I don't intend to have lunch with you."

"Ok, good. I am not romantic, neither are you."



I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning.

"You moron. Told her you are not romantic, you siao ah? You have disgraced me man. How can you make such a big mistake?"

"....I...I..."

Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing.

"There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a girl...
One, don't forget to be romantic;

Two, don't be too honest;

Three, don't be too stingy on the sugar in our speech.

In mandarin, we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai', you should know this."


"This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. Women aren't really that, cheap"

"So why would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me?"

"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic. Those 'nice guys' are usually, dumdums. So she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums. In math we call this 2C1, understand? dumdum."

Oh, Tye is talking about math! Now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf.

"In another words, gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall... if you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts... can forget your stupidity... but they can never forgive if you are not romantic..."

"Come on, this is so exaggerating."

"Hey, most women have a 'knot' for romance, just like most men have a 'knot for virginity. To women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men. Same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance."

"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that."

"The key word is 'knot', if you can untie it, fine. But how many had actually succeeded in that. Practically none."

"Ok, fine. Now I've done it. So what should I do to remedy the situation?"

"Face it. You are hopeless already."

I promise you I'll have a drink with you when you and her are over."

You SON OF A BXXCH.

Midnight. I am trying to concentrate on my physics notes...

F=ma, v=u+at...

It's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science.

Then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitions?
Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be explained by science, it doesn't necessary mean that it's unreal....

Close to 1 am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there.

"Slorr, you here."

"Finally, good night to you "

'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this hour? Must be feeling down again.

"Yes, it is fate that brought me to you at this moment."

I am trying very hard to convince her that I am a bit romantic.

"Slorr, nothing to do with fate. I waited for you for one hour liaoz..."

"Sure or not? For what?"

"Talk to you mah or else I can't sleep."

"You sick is it? Go see doctor lah "

"Slorr, let's continue our topic.

What do you think of relationships that began from the Internet?"

Oh my god, how should I answer her now?

"It's... it's very... romantic..."

Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.

"Slorr, you bluffing. You not romantic one mah."
GAME OVER. I am finished! No choice but to drink with Tye.

"Slorr, you lagging? Or just daoing me?"

"No, I am wondering why is the sky so chio tonight?"

"No no no. Don't try to shift the topic, Slorr."

Sigh. I give up. I asked for it myself.

"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, cos romance gives people an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual."

"Slorr, that's interesting."

"Surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of people are produced in this way.

The first type....

The first type are those who present themselves on net with their secondary personality'. Usually all of us consist of multiple personalities and in everyday life, what we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep inside. So Internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge."

"Is it true? What about 2nd type?"

"The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. There's bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that you particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldn't be found in you. Cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur."

Slorr, you blowing cow, is it? Type 3 leh?"

"I am not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES magazine! Type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life.

For example, if you are a girl, you may act as a man on net. You may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if you want."

"Hmmh.. That's pretty amazing."

"The first type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net.
The 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others always forgets his own strong points.

The 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible."


"Slorr, then you belong to what type? Me leh?"

"I don't wish to believe you are type 3, 'cos I am not.

I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think you are special. Being able to attract you, I think I am at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2."

"Type 2, then who you wish to become? Slorr.."

I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are what I am lacking of.

"Slorr, what about me?"

"you? I don't know. you want to FLY and DANCE, probably that means you wish to fully enjoy your youth while you can. But if this is something you wish yet you can't achieve, then there's 2 possibilities:

1, you are aging, 2, you are leaving the world."

I think I said something wrong, cos she didn't sent me anymore message after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk about these things?

I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of Caldecott Hill. Damn that TIMES magazine! Poisons my mind. Maybe she÷Õ lagging. So I waited... and waited. Girl, its just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not know how to start, until she sent me this message:

"Slorr... let's meet..."

Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.

I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm, at the entrance of McDonalds the one beside YMCA. That's the best time and place to meet a girl you have never met before, according to Tye, 'cos they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mac and have some fries and coke.

She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.
She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I am not
Brad-pitt either. Then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already.

"Slorr, you are early."

While I was idling, a girl tapped my shoulders from my back.

Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's going to appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this girl who stood in front of me now.

If not for the coffee theme and that 'Slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions. She is one of those 'chio bu' that can only be found on Orchard Road, which I usually see while crossing the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm.

"Had your dinner right? I think we shall go inside the Mac first."

"You are pretty smart huh? A good way to save money indeed."

AIYA! She knows me so well, I can only give her an innocent smile back.

Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries.

"This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat."

I am not falling for that, miss. But I am glad she mentioned 'next time'.

"Slorr, are you disappointed when you saw me just now?"

DISSAPPOINTED? Are you drunk?

"Why do you think I will be disappointed then?"

"Cos I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite dissappointed when you saw me"

She is making zero-sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute.

"Then why did you have to lie that you are not cute?"

"Slorr. I said I am not cute. I didn't say I am not pretty."

#$%$##%^*&%$@!!!

"But you are also quite decent looking what it's not like what you described to me too."

'DECENT'? A very vague word. To many gals, decent=boring. One good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday.

It is now only that I found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her first 3 mths in AJ.

Sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. From her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies. BTW, she had completely shook off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless
She appears to be an attractive girl, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty.

It's like a dream.

We left the Mac at around 10 pm. Since it's still early, I decided to send her home and fortunately, it's just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine.

I would have second thoughts if she's staying at Pasir Ris.

"Slorr, congratulations! You are officially permitted to date me from now on."

She said this before the lift door closed.

Back at home, I realized that I hadn't asked for her real name, maybe it's the influence of that stupid Tye.

Tye told me:

Never ask a pretty girl her name the first time you meet her, cos there are already too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if you act bochap.
Then why didn't she ask for mine? Don't tell me there's a female version of Tye telling her not to?

It's again 1 am. Time to meet her in ajcrr.

"Hi! Slorr you tired?"

Of course I am tired after all the surprises she presented me, I would go straight for my bed if not for her. But why is she here also? Isn't she tired too?

Long time no see how are you?"

"Slorr you siao ah? 2 hours only leh... miss me?"
"A)Yes B)Of Course C)Abuden D)Dying to see you E)All of above. Answer is E.

Seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning to me right now.

"You wanna go for a movie tomorrow?"

Maybe I should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly click 'OK'.

"Should be no problem. What show?."

HOOOOORAY!! I am cheering for her fatigue.

"We decide what show tomorrow. Anyway what's important is watch with who.
Not the show."

Tye's favourite line, I am just borrowing it.

"You should go sleep now lah."

"Wait one little while. You haven't tell me you tired or not?"

"Ok lah, A bit. You leh?"

"I am exhausted but have to say good night to you first. Slorr, if not I can't sleep."

"Me too."

I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business right now.

"Ok I tell you what I count 1,2,3. Then we log off together."

"Ok good night Slorr."

"Same to you"

"1..."

"2..."

"3..."

I never talk whenever I am inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic.

I am not a romantic person, so it's perfectly understandable if I can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for all those stunning special effects. But something struck me when Jack said to Rose before he sank into the deep.....

"Rose, listen to me... listen.... winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me... it brought me to you....and I am thankful, Rose.. .I am thankful...."

Suddenly I felt much fortunate than Jack, because I don't have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night.

But he's one lucky guy too, because he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasn't just about drawings or special effects. I noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand. and just when Rose said: "I promise... I will never let go, Jack... i'll never let go.."

She opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief. Damn that Celine Dion, why on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON".

"Ok, movie ended. Let's go."

I stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word I breathe out might just crush onto her, and kill her. She continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim.

After a while, she said "Slorr, movie ended, but life goes on. Am I right?"


I nodded my head. But I just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard Cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street.

Along the way, she seems unusually quiet. So I guess Tye was right about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and it's the best time to launch an emotional attack on her, that's why Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly.

Her eyes were focused on the path or the crowds but I know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up.


I just kept my mouth shut. I know I am not a good swimmer. We walked to Plaza Singapura. Suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter.

"Slorr, have you read a novel called 'Fragrance'?"

"Err..nope. Why do you ask?"

"Look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior. It's what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday. And he told her 'DOLCE VITA is French, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'"

She pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but I was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle.

"Oh... is it?"

"Slorr, then do you consider today as 'sweet times'?"

"At first I do, but some points are deducted since you started crying."

"That means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, I'll buy the small bottle then."

I insisted to pay for the perfume as her birthday present from me since I know her birthday is coming soon, this kind of saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. Luckily it's just perfume, or I would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar.

"Are you hungry? Wanna sit down and have something?"

"I don't have appetite, what about you?"

"You eat, I eat..."

Her eyes are red again. I am such a fool. Finally got away from the noisy crowd at the MRT station, walking on one of the streets of AMK Ave 6.
Contrastingly, it's so quiet now that I even can hear the rhythm of her heartbeat."

"Slorr, do you know what's the correct way of applying perfume?"

I shook my head. In fact, I had never used a perfume or cologne before, medicated oil maybe.

"First you apply some behind your ears, then your neck and wrists. After that spray some onto the air, then walk through it."

"Sure or not?"

"In that case this little bottle won't even be able to last you for 3 days"


"Slorr, shall we try?"

"We? You go ahead. I am a MAN."

She opened up that DOLCE VITA, behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied some and she really did spray some onto the air!!

WABIANGZ!! Expensive leh! Finally she stretched out her hands, facing up like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face.

"Hahaha...."

"Slorr, this is so fun! Now its your turn."

She went through the same procedures with me and I can feel the coldness of her fingers. Maybe it's the perfume, I guess.

"Slorr, get ready, I am going to spray!!"

I imitated her. Face up and walked through my first perfume rain.

"Slorr let's have another round!!"

" WHAT!! Serious?"

My money isn't easy to come by leh!! Before I can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. She was even more excited this time, hoping around, likes her nickname. A flying and dancing butterfly. Late night of AMK, the street smells unusually nicer right now. Until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA.

"DOLCE VITA is exhausted."

"I guess this sweet time shall end now too. Slorr, I'll go up now. Tonight
1 am, I won't be online, and you are not to do so too."

"Huh? But why?"

"Go online at 12pm tomorrow. You will know.... Remember, only 12pm..."

She turned and walked into the lift. At the same time, I saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck, which is visible only now because she tied her hair.

I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up.

I switched off the light in my room. Engulfed in the absolute darkness. I wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now. I realized in complete darkness, the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness. She must be lonely right now, half asleep.

I almost can see a beautiful butterfly, turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame. And that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red. Then burgundy. Slowly, it swallowed me was it the cause of that can of beer just now?

Suddenly I felt cold and shaky. And that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart, the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1 am.

USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!

Checked..

She isn't there; my heart was beating fast. But the temperature remained below healthy level....


-=~@~=-
Finally it?fs 12 p.m., excited as I was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But there's a mail from her:


Dear Slorr,
At first I thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness.. recollecting memories we have shared... but all I felt was loneliness..... Can you feel it too?...

I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so I used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR... you don't blame me right?...:P... you weren?ft there... should I feel glad for your obedience?.... you said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish type...maybe you are right!... 'COs I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when you said that I am leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?... I still can live like a normal person...
BUT CAN I ?

FlyNDance... is it really something I wont be able to do?... After the first meeting with you at Mac... I started to realize that you are not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality you are strong, gentle and sensitive.... I can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... I am defeated... I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that I look more attractive this way...

I want you to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't you ask for my real name? ..that?fs why I never asked for urs...

I am a girl mah..:P... do you realized how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr... thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but I am really sorry.

??.I just couldn?ft bear to say goodbye.....

Since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it.


Maybe its what you said... 'Internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send you my thoughts right away... but not my tears...
It?fs about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time you receive this mail...
I would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... I don't know....
Good Bye


With lotsa love,
FlyNDance

After reading her mail, I felt as if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive.

For a couple of months, I was trying to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and anything that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life.

But I failed. I found out that its not that I don't miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind all the time. Its like I cannot breathe, it?fs just that I had forgotten the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years.

I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever.

I have to find her!

"Err... I am looking for ... er..FlyNDance...."

"HUH??..."

'Huh', this is the exact word I was expecting from her.

She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of course, still can't be compared with her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.

Surprisingly when I told her my disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.

"You should go and see her. SGH, Room 3-425."


-=~@~=-
This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged.

But I don't like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.

Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow.

Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine. And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.

Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I've ever seen.

Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what's that in her dream?

McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.
I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room.

But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.

I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled....

"Slorr, you are here!"

"Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?"

"Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."

SKY VERY CHIO...

I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings."

But she didn't realize that it's raining today.

"Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."

Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing.

"Slorr, you lost weight."

ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?

"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you.."

"Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"

WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me! Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually.

Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like what÷Õ in the case of a movie.

But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...

Movies are fiction.
Life isn't.


-=~@~=-
I just wished that she could leave this place as soon as possible back to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged. And I promised she won÷Ö be alone anymore, because I will always be there.

After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50, slightly overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance.

"Err, I think i've gotta go now. Bye bye auntie."

"You....You..."

She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous shock.

"I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until you leave this place..."

Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time, that she can even swim in it.

I try not to close my eyes that night, I want to go to her as soon as the first sun ray shoots into my room....

"Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time..."

"Had a good night's rest?..."

"Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I know you won't wake me up when your here."

"Then you should take a rest now."

"Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."

I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged.

I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her face.
It was only last night before I leave SGH that I found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS. What the clergymen would term the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...

But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion. Moreover, what÷Õ a butterfly if it can't fly?

"Slorr, why are you looking at me and not talking?"

I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically. I had a bad feeling about this.

"Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"

I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again...

"Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?"

"Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."

MOVIE? LIFE?....

"But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for you?"

"Ultimate Ice Blended!!"

This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean everywhere on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable for her at that time.

"Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?

"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should cut down on your intake also, ok?"

I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized that she÷Õ just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future.

My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow.

This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her.

I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook. Quickly applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets.

"Ok, I promise, I'll try my best."

"And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast..."

"It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes you look troubled and....."

This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before she. I can't bear to let her continue.

"Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink right away."

"Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want it anymore."

From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1 minutes. Not very far.

"Quite near."

"Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long... I hate that feeling."

I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....

*************************
*************************



"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging at me again.

"Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."

Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths.

I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks inside, for 10 minutes.

Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but I still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.

Even Tye has given up on me...

"She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"

Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being alone.



I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day. When I reached SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly flew away from her room at around 1 am last night....

After that... I can't remember...

I just knew that I stood at the bus-stop for a whole day and I was all wet because of the rain. Even my face.

I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night...

Basically, I was hoping for something impossible to happen. I can't believe that I am of Type 2, even in real life.

Did I cry?.. NO WAY!..

I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions. Whenever I had the feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...

So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths ago.

Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me. But I֯e stopped taking coffee and beer.

"Xing ah, is this for you?"

My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning.

I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.

That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside, and another coffee envelope.


Slorr,
I am FlyNDance's sister, I think this is how you are addressing her. I am sorry that I do not know your real name, although we'd met before.

When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with your name and address already written on it.

So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended to do.

Best wishes,
Xiao Wen


The letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another:


'To:slorr...'

Followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope. But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance.

I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address. Did I give her in one of my mails?

I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside.

Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland, wearing the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.

Something was written at the back of it....


Dear slorr,
Coffee represents Pisces.. that's me. Blue represents Sagitarius.. that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope.... know what I mean?

Seeing me, do you feel like drinking coffee now? Stop drooling! :P

FlyNDance


I smiled.... bitterly. The contents of the blue letter is simple:


If I have one more day to live, I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have one more day? No. Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend... not in this life.
If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you. Do I have wings? No. Sadly. I can never see you again.

If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put off the flame of love btw us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn off? Can.


So yes. I LOVE YOU.

FlyNDance


My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time go in a jiffy.

As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness overwhelming my eyes anymore.

She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her... tears for 2 months....

...

Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar, including best picture.

Yet, Rose wasn't the best actress under that category. So if it's sad in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. And in reality, should Jack hold on to Rose and 'Never let go?'

Maybe he shouldn't be worried about this. 'Cos that beautiful coffee butterfly will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...'

--------------END-------------

it's the wee morning of 21st when i read this.
it took me over, :x
oh well, i'm kind of thinking ALOT after that..

*will update soon*