How Climbing the Bukhansan;(A Mountain) Changed My Life.

After watching Everest, a film based on a true disaster in the 1996, I left the cinema with a sunken heart and an indescribable feeling of condolences. It was in the movies, when they were talking about “why do you climbed a mountain?” that, made me went through a series of introspection.

Born physically weak due to my drug allergy, I wasn't in my best of form when I was a child and because of that nature, my parents used to be very protective of me, fearing that I might injured or exhaust myself as I’d been through a few episode of over exhaustion. So I grow to be a very conservative and indoor person, who don’t take any sort of ‘risk’ nor do I move around much. Hence I always had a hard time when it comes to physically taxing activities. To top it off, sports wasn't in my best of interest, so I'm basically like a “mage” in real life. Except I don’t have any magical powers.

Earlier last year, I travelled to Seoul with a few of my close friends whom I can call family. My worst fear is confirmed when we were going to climb the Bukhansan;the highest peak in Seoul, when we’re there.

“It’s very safe one”, that’s what they all always said. Initially, I was relief when they decided to postpone the plan, hoping that they would scrap this one off. What are the odds of coming here again “the next time?” The day had finally come and my inside was hoping for a bad weather to turn this one around. Nothing happens. So before we know it, we are wandering around the nature park, looking for the trail to ascend.

Used to be depressed with mild anxiety disorder, my personality wasn't the best concoction for any sort of risk taking activities. Bred with an acute phobia of death and roller coasters, my heart always skipped a beat when I see people being hurled up into the skies or when I'm peering over ledges and my mind would start ‘playing’ the worst possible scenario that could happen, which usually includes overly exaggerated deaths.

Repeating mantras of positivity, I started the hike with a tinge of uneasiness, and fear.
“Hang in there.”
“You love long walks, so you’re gonna love this.”
“Slow and steady.”
“It’s just walking, and more walking, and a little bit of climbing.”

It was tough, in fact a gruelling moment for me. The trails are beyond uneven, and my worn off Adidas Superstar can only do so much. There are even several times that I almost sprained my leg as I could feel my feet twisting sideways before springing back. I almost tripped and almost sprained as well. 

“God, I could have sprained my legs.”
“God, I could have died if I had missed my footing.”

As much as my mental state is starting to fail me, my physical state is crumbling as well. My heart beats escalates beyond bearable and I was unable to catch my breath. My head is spinning and I felt a slight dizziness, just like how any of my past episodes of over exhaustion. My lips are as dry as paper and no amount of water could moist it. Soon I started to breath really deeply while my body heave up and down involuntarily, it seems like my nostril is not big enough, or I'm not taking in enough oxygen to fuel my body.

Nothing, but one word came to my mind.

“Breathe.”

I realized I’d been panicking. It is probably my old persona trying to haunt me. Or was it my negativity? I don’t know. My family and friends are kind enough to take extra care of me in fact. Checking in with me every now and then, making sure I was okay. We took a few breaks here and there, and every time I sat down, I try to recompose myself each time during the breaks. I could have almost quitted halfway, but their words of encouraging keeps me from breaking.

Before I know it, I started to adapt to the air in the altitude, I started to breathe okay. Before I know it, I started to enjoy it. I looked out to the greens, to the mountains, just enjoying the nature for once in my 23 years of life. I’d been turning away from all this, and right now I'm looking at all of them at once.

We even trekked to the wrong side as we found ourselves at the peak of the lower altitude, there are several peaks that was up in the clouds and we sort of asked around before resuming the hike.
“So which one ah?”
“The next one only.”
“Ahh okay okay!”
My inside were beaming since it’s just the next one. My mind just wanted to get this over at done with. Thinking back, I'm now glad they lied to me about the distance that we were about to cover. (Didn't thought much about it and I just followed the trail).

Things got worse when it’s just rocks which lays out in almost a vertical elevation. We slowly navigate across, up, and down nature’s territory; the rocks, the logs, and the never-ending flights of stairs. We even have some parts where there’s just a harness for us to hold, and a thin piece of rock that’s just enough for one of us to stand on as we move slowly across the mountain.

Almost there, my mind’s a blank once I'm at it. I shut myself out from everyone else and starts clenching into the built on harness, pulling myself up bit by bit, while telling myself I'm not settling for the second best, I'm going for the peak. Yes, I'm going for the peak. Eyes on the prize, I make my way up step by step as I looked towards the peak which gradually became visible over time.

We reached the first point of the peak, a giant plateau where everyone just sits there, picnic, chitchat and of course, take photographs. We started to lay down, enjoy the air, and starts to take out the food and snacks that we bought. It’s so comfortable that we even took a short napped there. From here, I could see a huge chunk of the city, everything seems so small, just like a toy model of Seoul. The air at the peak is beyond refreshing, with every breath, I could felt the fresh mountain air travel down into my body, detoxifying me. We then climbed up to the main peak, the highest point of Seoul. I shut myself out again, this time voluntarily, as I felt my goosebumps rising; in fact I felt it now too as I was reliving this moment while I'm typing.
“You did it, yes, you did it”
“look out there, the highest point of Seoul, and you did it”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and whispered thank you before I starts to descend from the mountain.

You know the moment when you experience changes? Like when you could literally felt something inside you change? At that glowing moment, I felt it. I felt how opening to mountaineering changed me. I could felt something bloomed inside me, not that I have suddenly found a new passion for mountaineering. I had learnt how one could muster their willpower and determination, or rather, how I could muster my willpower and keep going forward when I'm pushing myself to the limits. I never believed I could conquered a mountain, but I have nevertheless done it. For once, I was proud of myself. My companions definitely deserve credits for keeping me at bay for I would not have made it to the top if not their patience, and encouragements. That kept me going, and I didn't want to give up, nor do I want to disappoint anyone of them. And maybe… just maybe, I owe it to myself too, for I would not have made it had I decided to throw the towel.

Seoul is now definitely going to be one of the most important cities in my life where I had many life changing moments. And conquering the Bukhansan is definitely one of them.

P.S. not saying everyone should go climb a mountain now, but you know the gist of it. Be adventurous, take a leap. You'll be surprise at where it takes you.

Low vs High Grade Label Goods.

 

Like what you see?
This is probably what most blog/online shops would put to attract customers.

 Low vs High Grade Label Goods. (Givenchy/HBA/etc)

I'd always adored the simplicity of online shopping. You click, you browse, you pay and you get your stuff. That's how simple it can get. The tough part is, however, is whether is the good up to your standard. And the most annoying part of all? You can't seem to pull off what the model has done. The "real" item that we'd received however, is always sometimes a wee-bit different compared to what we really saw.

When demanding for real life/actual product photos, most blog shop owners actually would say things like "what you see is what you get", "don't ask for actual photos", "pre-orders only".
Sounds familiar? In all honesty, some owners are too lazy/didn't even saw the actual product before.

So the RAWR Store decided to step in. Aiming to be different compared to most online stores,
the RAWR Store is a Singapore based online store that carries a wide array of goods, from clothes to fashion accessories, and you name it, life style goods, stickers, mat, figurines & toys. We would even bring in different grades of clothings, and also showing you the difference of what people are selling. Such as 1-"free size" A grade, Entry level AAA Grade, and what we call the "Hype" Grade (Probably one of the most similar goods that we can get ours hands on).

So this is what usually known as the AAA Grade, a level higher than the 1 size low grade. We termed this as the "Entry" Level Grade. Comes in 2/3 sizes, the product is somewhat similar, but you can probably see that something is lacking.

Here's the 2nd grade of product that we carry. Looks better isn't it? Termed as the "Hype" Grade. This is the one you might want to be spotted cruising in town in. Nevertheless it is hard to tell at a glance, this product is one of the most similar ones that we can get our hands on. Some of the collection even comes with designated ziplock bags/dust bag/boxes and carriers. With proper packaging.

So, keep your eyes open & Enjoy shopping (:
Or u can come take a look at our newly opened RAWR Store! Click here to enter paradise

tick tock:4am in Singapore. (a male's perspective)

It's 4.05am in the morning,
& i'm absolutely awake, running on my reserve brain juice as epiphany likes to slap me at times like this.
Just a type out of what it's like 4am in Singapore. (a male's perspective)

[it's just a random piece that i'd managed to finish about a short story of a guy struggling at 4am in Singapore.]
nevertheless i'll be thankful if you can relate to that.
yes, days like this. (so either you get it, or you don't)
& please pardon my fucking mistakes.

alittle scream out to the introverts out there.
you're not fucking alone. (no pun)



It's 4.06am in the morning,
You looked at your wrist watch laying at your desk,
You stared into dead screen as it slowly transit to your blank screen saver.
You moved your mouse, keeping your screen alive as if trying to keep you the same way again.

You looked at the mess on your table,
the receipts from afew nights ago, the loose change which you dug out half heartedly from your worn out jeans as you scrambled into you room while trying to take off the skinny jeans which you wore the other night trying to impress the girls, and you swore some change ended up under your bed which you'll get it next time.
You stared at your facebook page, as if hoping for something to happen,
nope. nothing's gonna happen.
loneliness took over, as you looked around for whoever's online, hoping there's someone who share the same cold.
you took up your phone, scrolling instagram as some infamous youtube cover droned on in an long random playlist and the occasional clicks of your favorites by the suggestion bar.

Fuck, you did not just clicked that break up song.
You opened yet another word document, not for your school work, but for your unnecessary emotional scribbles.
As your break up song reach it's bridge, you closed your eyes, and breathe, feeling the cool wind flowing from the oscillating fan, only to be greeted by the god damn smell of the haze that made you to put off your running routine that you picked up a few weeks again.
You pinched your half flabby leg muscle, as you cursed silently.
You just picked up the momentum and now it's all go up to smoke.

You clicked at the youtube's home page now, scrolling through what's hot, recommended, and decided to watch a few trailers.
Yes, you can't wait to watch the new captain america movie, but you'll have to find a date for that.
Regrets starts filling in your head again as you reminisce the good time, the box of movie ticket filled to the brim, which is kept in another box and she always have no idea what the hell is with your obsession with boxes, but nevertheless still loves and accept you for who you are and watches geeky superheroes film with you, like how you do the same and went through the vow with her sobbing on your shirt.
After afew random videos, you ended up clicking on a thumbnail with boobs, only to find yourself watching something totally, stupid, ridiculous and unrelated.

You opened up several chat sites.
"Hi, ASL?"
"hey babe! not sleeping?"
After next-ing afew desperadoes who can't even type properly because they have their dicks in their hands, you gave up,
only to find yourself shaking that stupid chat app which you download just for the sake of looking at girls and saving their photos because you'd got no balls to talk to them.
You click who's near you, and you found some babes within your league, and fingers crossed, you sent them some greetings.
10 minutes after the indication of them having read you message but didn't reply, you knew something was wrong.
fuck that. girls are sluts anyway.

Too lonely, you went for the ultimatum as you hit that porn site.
A huge sigh of relief hit you as it's not snuff up & blocked yet.
You clicked afew videos, opening them in new tabs, legs shaking with excitement as you peered out of your room making sure that everyone's asleep.
You reach for your half tangled Beats, plugging it in excitingly and before you know it, the moans of the japanese school girl filled your ears.
Sensational.
You always make sure you have some fucking Kleenex within your grasp.

Still awake, you went up, dump your kleenex down the toilet bowl as you used to keep it in the thrash can in your room and the smell of semen would reek.
You decided to take a pee as well and wash your dick for good measure.
After hitting the flush button, you looked at the mirror,
You try convincing yourself that you are not that bad,
if not for that crooked teeth,
if not for that pimple beside your nose
if not for that screwed up hair cut you got because you deserve it for saving on haircuts
if not...
you sigh and drag your feet back into your room, slumping down back onto the chair.

You opened up your games,
ahh, what could ever go wrong when you're cruising in paradise city,
or throwing fucking shurikens, or gunning down zombies.
there's always a retry option, and you know your fucking AIs will always get your back.
haven't you always aced in that dating sim game?
& you ponder what actually went wrong.

mind drifting, you're back to the meaningless scrolling of feeds again, before heading to summoner's rift.
You called for MID, only to find some loser who's awake somewhere else in this sunny island insta-locked (instantly choosing a champion, and locking in) Ahri on you because;
1. he might have a bad day
2. he's just a fucking troll
And it ended like the latter when the nexus blows up with the red-lit defeat scowling at you.
You cursed at your fate.

Your torrent had a notification popping up just when you're attempting mental suicide.
"shion 0201 -snis091 has finished downloading, click here to open file"
you watched in awe but you're too tired for round 2, so you KIV it with a smirk in your face.
& you wished you have a girl like that. For you would not be succumbing to meaningless sex with your left hand.

You looked at your finished torrents, the endless list of porn and movies that you wanted to watch but put it off.
You'd got a hell lot to backlog.
but you close it anyway, there's always another day for this.
You're back in youtube again, opening some mix tape.
It's time for some Calvin Harris therapy as you always hope to find love in hopeless place.
Oh that girl in the elegant black glittery one piece dress you met at Zouk,
God, she's so cute. (pretty, beautiful, you bet she's got a kind heart even thou she grind with other guys)
you regretted again, not taking her number.
And there's the other one, that poly girl with a pony tail which you didn't "take" because your friend wants her.
A little part of you died inside as you saw them making out as your friend attempts to hi-5 you behind her back.

You're disappointed at yourself and you decided to make up afew more rules for yourself which you might not follow or even remember tomorrow.
"fuck, next time see chio bu i chiong liao"
"next time must have balls talk to them first"
"ah, i have the book right, the jio zhar bo book. next time take out read liao"
how many next time do you have?

But did anyone remember the good deeds you did in silent?
how you offered a sobbing girl a pack of tissue,
or how you carried a drunk girl out of the club in the least obscene way possible which prevent her from sleeping with a jerk, who might go raw on her because he have a "jiao bin" (cock face) and because he can't hold back his fucking cum so she might be sitting outside some clinic crying and slapping herself while waiting for her turn for abortion?
Fuck, you drew a conclusion: Nice guys finish Last.

You got up, took a stick of winston reds with you and grab your lighter as you head out of your room.
You traced the familiar steps along the dark living room,
You pushed open the window and lit up your stick.
You sucked it all in, as you felt the nicotine kicked into your blood stream, inhaling all of the irony dosage of poison which stood by you in times of need.
You looked out at the dark block of HDB opposite as you slowly exhale,
Tracing the little windows "boxes" with lights still on, you always wondered about their life, about their story.
Which you would never find out.

You saw a seem to be "bra-less" girl standing by the window, 2 blocks away from you,
in her oversize tee, taking a smoke.
You swore you saw her nipples as boy did she not expect some loser to be out smoking by the window still.
You looked at her so hard that you might actually burn a hole through her face, but before you know it, it's game over when you didn't manage to get her attention in a stick's time.
She's too busy with her cell phone anyways.
Dammit! you curse and flick your stick down, while you looked at the swirling light descend down before tumbling into darkness as the miniature flare extinguished upon the impact.

You're back at your computer again, meaningless.
You ignore your imaginary check list of works, you might not even finish typing that emo rant that you opened just now.
what do you know? procrastination is your best friend.
You looked at your wrist watch, which is still laying in the same position,
it's 10 minutes after 5, tick tock
Here we go again...

It's tough.
Yes, nights like this,
it's really tough...

Singapore@44

happy birthday Singapore!
yes it's where i belong,



c'mon raise your flags!
honour our nation's crest
sing our nation's anthem with pride!
follow our pledge
that's what citizens should do to keep close together!

lastly, here's the latest national day's song
what do you see,



nvr forget, the chinese version.



:D
may Singaporean's rejoice until the same skies,
sharing the success reap by generations,
where our heart and soul lies :D

to end it off, here's a parody of it by Mr Brown!



***

Well, I’m siting below Sam’s house now. Kinda woke up late today as we spend our night outside yesterday. As usual, Hing sleep over at my house, and we kinda slack until early evening before heading over to plaza to meet up with the guys.
“Did you guys take the pledge @ 8.22 PM?!”
~ The Pledge –
Hohoho, there’s a big screen right down at Bukit Panjang Plaza, broadcasting the National Day celebration live XD. Went over to Plaza with Hing to grab our foot long dinner at Subway before meeting up with Kelvin to watch the National Day Parade. Woohoo, everyone’s wearing RED & so do I :D
The show kinda end with the remix of the year, then tv was cut off  awww! Didn’t got a chance to catch Singapore Idol. >_< Personally I hor think that the broadcast thing should hold more often lor! It really does encourage social cohesion you know?!

CHEERS: