w

this is so mentally draining.
like how i would drag my heavy feet up this slope that would eventually lead me to my block,
that i would have to wait for 2 traffic lights which always turn red whenever i'm anywhere near them,
and i would drop myself on my chair while i slowly remove my boots, flinging off my socks, and i'll slowly get a little more a life as i light up my cpu, booting my com to live.

i count the days carefully, within my fingers, watching it flies, wasting time.
tuesday today. and it'll be midnight tomorrow.
and i'd been clocking in unhealthy hours of gaming under my belt and i just feel so unmotivated all the time.
i need a push. a call.
i need to move, or to wake up.

fml

whopps. my cover's blow
fuck this shit D:

i feel naked. bare naked.
i felt shame.
shame of myself.

Dear Esther

When gaming gets another perspective.

Dear Esther..

beautiful graphics, good game for quiet nights.



for those who played, here're the known ghost sightings, if you miss'em D:



huat

Girls

PEOPLE USED TO LOOK OUT ON THE
PLAYGROUND AND SAY THAT THE
BOYS WERE PLAYING SOCCER AND
THE GIRLS WERE DOING NOTHING .
BUT THE GIRLS WEREN'T DOING
NOTHING—THEY WERE TALKING .
THE Y WERE TALKING ABOUT THE
WORLD TO ONE ANOTHER . AND THEY
BECAME VERY EXPERT ABOUT THAT
IN A WAY THE BOYS DID NOT.
CAROL GILLIGAN,
In a Different Voice: Psychological
Theory and Women's Development


Ltr I realize it's gossiping.

devil's nest

when the sun sets, the devil comes to play
chilling the air, goosebumps with dismay
for he waste no time,
in the puff of smokes that swim through the air
roaming through your body, your life and your lair
you stood there helpless and you want to cry
but no sound could escape no matter how you try

he skips he hops he flies he smiles
down the little grim dark aisle.
down came the thunder, and then the rain
there your life would forever be stain

you can never run u can never hide
for he would haunt your life until you die
there the devil, lying on his cloud
using his slitted tongue making hissing sounds

weaving your stories with his cursed vines
you life and his, will forever be entwined.
yes he is here, he's here to play
here come's your life darkest bane

Simplicity

My birthday wasn't a crazy one.
there's no yacht, neither i'm not holding a grand chalet on the other side of singapore, sending mass invitations on facebook and so forth.
it's just us.
yes, just us.
my girl and i...

We start of like any other normal date. She would get ready and all, drop by my place, where most male spices on need like 20 minds to prepare.
there's no R21 movie either, we make do with a PG one.


  
what i can say? bright colourful? and pretty much alittle overwhelming? not the animals, not the plot, just ages since i'd seen something so colorful.

moving on, we did a little window shopping, cruising down orchard, hand in hand. Enjoying this blissful moment as we pop in shops by shops, looking at the wide diversity of objects which we would've bought if we're rich. We then made an impromptu trip over to the adidas factory outlet @ novena and i'm glad to say that it's not fruitless after all. Manage to get myself a piece of overprice starwars apparel and after all the magic of trying and swiping your credit card. The hard truth just hit me like any hangover- what the fuck had i done?

Still grieving over my pain of the hole in my wallet, we made our way to.. errrr, guess this is suppose to be our impromptu highlight of the day.
our buffet @ grand park orchard.

disclaimer: i do not own any of the images

After taking a bus back, and a 10 mins short walk, we found our destination of leisure, Grand Park Orchard.

no doubt a classy place, with classy people, and god they have one of the most beautiful bar that i'd seen. the Bar Canary. What could beat a hard day of work? Chilly atmosphere, good music, and you're watching people walk from the top. Would somebody please pass me my margaritas please?

there's a 2nd lobby on the 4th floor, where they hold the bar, where people use the lift from there to access their rooms, and yes our buffet~ There's a beautiful bar top, and they throw in several couches and table for us to chill. 

and here we are, @ openhouse

beautiful sittings, a wide array of food. Some were there for you to take, and yet some requires ordering. Yes you're given a table number the moment u enter. and i like how they give us in bite size serving so we could eat more =D

there're several section so let me try break it down for you.

there's

 1. Roast Meat Station


- Honey Roast Meet
- Roast Duck
- Roast Pork Belly
- Chicken

u can ordered all 4 at once, or mix and match 2 of them. meat is pretty awesome and it'll be more advisable if u order this together with the noodle station next store since it'll be better to eat them together.

2. Noodle Station

u can get ur wanton mee, fish bee hoon , serve in bite size mini bowl.

- wantan mee

- prawn mee

- laksa

- fish bee hoon

 3. Dim Sum


- Char Siew Bao
- Har Gao
- sorry only remembered what i ordered for this one
their har gao is epic, they just made me love prawns.

 4. Pizza
u got to try their pizza. It;s quite a killer thou, but it's made in thin crust. sooo crispy and addictive

5. Claypot Rice
we didn't manage to try this, too full. but it is pretty bad ass

6. Desert and icecream
not forgetting the wide array of cakes puffs and it's colorful cupcakes. U can also opt for the traditional tau suan with you tiao.
why not end your day with a cup of tiramisu and ice cream? u can even shower ur icecream with rainbow rice~ cool or not? :D


7. Fruit/Salad Bar


there's alittle food salad counter as well. really small one.


8. Sushi Bar
Is would be heaven for sushi lover, even though there isn't a huge diversity for you to choose from, isn't it more than enough for you if it's "eat-all-you-want"? stop complaining and start challenging yourself.

Dinner couldn't had got any better. and to top things off, i'd got a 20% off for the buffet, so it's considered rather cheap for a buffet like this in such a classy place.
But you'd got to make reservation for this one. Despite it's quiet appearance from 6 to 7pm, people come streaming in from 8 and before you knew it, you'd to start queueing for ordering/taking food.

and there, now this memory would be engraved deeply in my heart and i made a silent vow to stay here for a night if i were to get rich someday.

There my birthday came to an end, a quiet bus ride home, with my hands over her shoulders, we went for a quick quiet slumber while the bus bring us home. Not forgetting the hotel manager who greet me good evening while i sat by the bar, reading ebook while waiting for adel doing her using magic. That's one of the most awesome smile that i've seen. he's a true winner.

lost

i just wish i can be the guy who would hold his hands outwards to the skies & dance w/ rain, as if receiving the many confetti that're thrown to him during the celebration of life.

so many things on my hand.
have to deal with so many little things that prick me like glass.
so tired, so much that i wish that time would stop on a perfect sunday afternoon, lazing on my bed, wall gazing, feeling the periodic wind blowing from the oscillation of my standing fan.

i'm tired..

two thirds

Ages since i'm here at this little space.

Little girls, fans of blog queens, and vintage princess came streaming in, not to forget the clubbing babes all pulling their awkward looking boyfriends. Girls squeezing into tiny walkways just to snatch the last piece of dress, waving or shouting frantically hoping to get the shop keeper's attention so they would threw it over. Squeals of delight or singlish rants could be heard, which that little obstacle could made them lose it, withholding the singaporean within. Girls kneeling down, putting their face into gigantic luggage digging for apparels, and shouting triumphantly waving the dress in the air, as if a bomb defuse commander cutting the right wire. 

Not to forget those celebrity blog princesses and prince who's there and their loyal fans who came over to support, ranging from those who bought alot of goods to those who squeeze through, just to take a photo with them.

Flea. yes flea.

What an interesting sight. Not a culture shock for me since i expected it, but it just seem special indeed. Not an ordinary Saturday since i spend my Saturday down at club avatar ogling at pretty ladies while adel does her shopping. I'm always wow-ed by how they turn clubs into flea markets, but they could just pull it off somehow. An array of goods, displayed along the podium, the dance floor, heels littered around the floors, this could be just what they meant by a women's dream. U dont even have to travel much, people are seen throwing glances in all directions and the tough part is only all about swimming through that crowd.

*starts to get lazy*

sorry, brain juice being sapped. over and out.

wasted

there i'm wasting my half day, retreating back to the comforts of my room, drowning myself in game again. hacking slashing in the virtual world, as if my soul would detach my body for abit and get sucked into this pixel world created out of data.

the adrenaline, the intensity, swept me off my feet. i've got no time to think of anything else. focusing on the objective, i moved on, made comrades, and lived my second life in the game.

do you believe in hypnotism?

live sorta changed after the result's out.
the way i live, how desperately clinging onto the last straw, hoping that the time bomb would never have to blow off as long as i shut my eyes.
laziness purged me as i sat infront of my desktop, oblivious of any other things around me. i kept pushing my priorities away, too stress to face, i'm still no ready.. i'm still running.

I'm glad i didn't break in camp, yes, another form of escape, where i could bring a more amplified of myself out. "fearless"? noisy? still that retarded.

day after day, i felt my brain juice being sucked out of me. stupider.
nth more interesting to blog about.

therapy

Do you believe in hypnotism?

It's a bit shocking to say, but by chance I'd a creepy encounter regarding this.

***

*knock knock*

"come in..."

I entered the office once again, this monthly ritual was no stranger to me. Of course, he's here to change me, crave me into a better person.

i sat down, trying to calm myself down, while remembering my homework...i'm to think of a place where i think i'm safe, calm, whatever. There i slowly trace out the place of tranquillity to him. With my fingers drawing every detail, a gray scale room, no colors but only splashes of different tones of black and white. A simple table and a queen side bed, by the center, facing my wardrobe which hides the droning television that shows nothing much statics. There was a ceiling fan as well, with a light bulb hanging from it, shaky. The windows shows out to nothing much an endless estates of flats.. You're right, this is nothing but a room in a hdb flat. nothing special, but i feel safe, confined in the world without colours.

dont judge me, i said to myself.

"alright, lets begin."

he starting sticking his middle and index finger facing towards me, hovering infront of me in some unkown rhythm, and i'm to follow his fingers with my eyes, gazing and pushing it. I tried to focus, and we did that every now and then, letting me alternate talking, breathing and fingers gazing...

"So what reminds you of the accident?"

"uhm.. i'm sorry?"

"Say, a picture, that reminds you of the accident, the worse part of it"

"the worst part of it?"

"yes, the worst part of it"

"a photo, of a road, stained with blood"

"just that?, is there anyone inside?"

"just that doc, i'll have to be honest that i see nobody inside"

"hmmmm.."

"and the picture's black and white as well, it's on grayscale, the trees are also black so is the skies, but the blood's red"

then we starting the finger gazing exercise which slowly brought me into twilight as i narrate what i saw.

*starts to hover his fingers*

"now take a deep breathe, close your eyes, and tell me what you see.."

*sighs*

"i saw... "

I thought i would have to make something up, not that i doubt this method, but i'm being sceptical and also i thought that i might screwed this up. But it's neither both, somehow i'm seeing something in my mind, as if i'm looking at my subconsciousness.

"i saw a car, moving, then crashing by the railings" (as if i can see what happen when i look at the picture)

*again*

"now i saw the car, crashed, people got out. i see people, yes i see myself"

we carried on, and the past seem to uncover by itself, all over again..

"yes the paramedics arrived, i didn't got up the ambulance, cos i wanted to save his ass"

yes, to save that hell of a mother fucker whom i think i owe him something during my past life because my life's became hell because of him. And to think he was someone i called a brother.

"and i starting having memory lost, i can't rmb a thing"

"not my hp number, nothing. i can see a sea of memories being flushed out as if they're clearing out with my blood"

i tighten my grip on the arm rest of the chair against this new found horror.

*again he does the finger gazing, rest for abit, and continues*

"i saw myself now, a&e, did all the paper work and stuff and went out"



"now i saw myself, slump onto the bed, as if i'm an audience, i saw my mum came into my room, saw half of my head bandaged, hair cut to close the wound, and my whole body reek of blood.."

"alright..."

"i can smell the blood doc, this metal taste, i could never forget"

"lets take a break" with that said, we did the finger gazing again and...

"yes i see myself again, mum crying, me dying, everything's so dark"

"and it replays again doctor, now in a little more faster pace."

swallowing a hard saliva, what happen next was beyond my comprehension.

"doctor.."

i narrate what have been going on. what it seems like a picture, is not actually a picture. i'm actually watching a movie reel, projected on a screen. Yet somehow i am strapped on a chair, as if some unkown being's forcing me to watch this grim video.

***

No drama, no nothing, i wasn't trembling in fear nor am i hysterically screaming for help when i exited the twilight.
just that, i left the place with a heavy body, no doubt, strangely tired. mentally tired. and also a silent regret that i rejected my doc's mc offer.


Strangely tired, i wandered around the estates, feeling loss, with no aim, no play to go. my appetite vanish, and i didn't ate anything for the whole of the day. and the worse have yet to come as when the sun goes down, that's when the devils come up to play.


twisted, shattering glass, blood, screaming.


"the night is still young my boy..." 

I'm awake.. I'm awake..
Life's still slow and monotonous as usual.. Until this sighting of an old unusual homeless lady yesterday..

She carried and air of nothing but grim, ominous, nothing good.. Furnitures packed neatly, tucked right in front of our block's letter box, with her old mattress tied on top, she's sitting by the side. She's been there since yesterday morning, not moving an inch from the space, nothing came, and yet we're all not sure have she eaten anything. She just sits there on a portable chair, just gazing away...

It pains me. This sight..
_the end

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

People

Disclaimer:

this is obviously and absolutely boring work of mine since i'm rooting myself on my computer chair.
im just simply doing this as an act of procrastination for my shower. despite this, all works here are base on my thoughts long ago and any similarities to situations or character is either coincidental or it's basically me being stereotypical.

People. Vol 1

The Many People.

A cheery school girl, who skips to school everyday, humming her favourite melody.
slack to the fullest, copying school work from her studious friend.
the little girl who dance in the rain, holding her hands outwards to the skies, as if touching the many confetti that're thrown to her during the celebration of life.
the wet confetti thrown by the invisible arms from the heavens.
the other way to look at rain in life...

***

The little baby, being strapped onto his mum, his head wobbling in an unstable momentum against his mother's pace down the road. Fascinated, he say giant machines that looked similar to the mini toy cars he played, roaring loudly across the road, not forgetting the mystical stick which shoots out beams of lights which control the cars, as if the conductor of a major band playing a beautiful symphony.
The naive baby.
"Oh, mummy's moving when it's green light too. So do we gets controlled by that mystical stick when we grow up to?"

***

Threads of white hair can be seen forming on the side, sitting on the red coffeshop chair which everyone knows, he heave his legs off his slippers and rest them on another.
On it's tables are many gleaming bottles that reflected against the old florescent light in the coffeeshop. Lying back his head, he breathed in the burning paper stick wrapped with nicotine and felt smoke work it's way in this body as he draws it down into the lungs. Some crushed bet slips are seen on the floor, probably an act of wrath when felt betrayed by the god of wealth. Streams of smoke came out in line from his nostrils, as if an mechanical dragon.
"Eh Chio eh, Lai Yi Duo Yi Ping Carlsberg!"

***

Looks like i got lazy again. Time to shower~

time

just bored, and wanted to hit something... life's just like routine. mundane, just like any other calm sea. the jungle's silent, and silence itself had it's own way of flaunting it's beauty. the beauty of nothing. just like a clean sheet of white paper. just what i need. life isn't that hard now that i think of it. there's lot of areas i have to work on, looks of "decision-math" that i need to do. calculating the best time for taking MA, Offs and all is enough to keep me busy. and of course, doing real work. & recently, im caught up by this unusual fatigue. got tired recently, dozing off extra easily. am i old ? and no matter how, laziness still stays in me. it's like as if it's human nature to be lazy. # FML (you just wasted 2 minutes of your time for reading this unnecessary chunk or random typing)

190412

I'm actually typing this in the midst of the jam. Unfortunately, my bus's caught in this screwed up jam which I thought, won't be coming in our way as I'm ahead of the clock.
Traffic's hectic now and with all the slow forward and break's killing me.

The air of thursday. Isn't that great. Surprisingly, I'm reluctant to go for my MA today. Once in a millionth. My social links are all messed up and I ought to do something about it.

***

Wednesday end on a okay note, but.. I just can't help waking up, feeling all emotional about it. As if I'm heaving my legs, chained to a thousands regrets of what could have happen if..

what could have happen if I knew you early?
what could have happen if I didn't turned into a monster?

And a thousands of such hypothetical questions that lead us to daydream, be it for a happy ending or no..

***

The road is surprisingly clogged and curious people are constantly starring out to the road, at this chain of endless cars queuing up, not knowing what went wrong. There I am, sucked in vehicle TIB569J stamping my fingers onto my keyboard to kill time. Apparently it's not working very well with all the momentary jerks which always brings me back into reality.

With 20mins stucked in the bus, we concluded the jam with an end scene of a motor being crashed into a honda. Guess that's what ruined our day. Ruined mine, big time.

***

Back to my story, with traffic going smooth, guess I'd got a lot of things to do. To manage things...

***
_the end

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

030512

"Fuck, left so little?"

I cursed as I read the receipt that I'd just pulled out from the atm. Mental calculations and recollections from what I'd done started to pour into my mind. Yet, I didn't remembered spending that much.

Transportation cost always take its toll on me, yet life w/ such minimal pay as compared to working society just sucks.

***

My week was rather 'happening' I would say. Already numbed in camp, I'm living everyday on a routine level, habit, duty, responsibility, whatever you can call it.
Yet, I'd started an expensive habit, which was ironic as I was starving myself in camp to save $$$. Heading out after camp. It could be anything, be it out for coffee, or dinner, or just hang around as if waiting for something to happen. And sadly, it'd been says since I last seek refuge on the comforts of my room, surfing the net or just probably gaming, and wasting life away.

Certainly it wasn't battleship on that wednesday night movie session that left me thinking, but it just daunt upon me that how precious is time and yet we're wasting it. It's like shedding blood in a twisted hourglass. U can't topple it to start all over again, u have to keep yourself on the move, because once it's over, it's really over..

Sitting in a seemingly empty bus, I felt helpless over the outcomes of life I could've reach. A make or break, a steady slow income that would probably needs me to shoulder my debts for decade(s). I just don't know what seems right.

Fuck my life for such retarded morning thoughts.

***

Am I trying to hard to make things right?
Why things always go wrong when I tried going to the extra mile? I really can't help but wonder what is wrong. Is there something wrong with us?? So many years, yet this eye sore still persist..
Why just can't things sail smoothly?

I'm so scared, and tired..
I don't know what to say anymore..
_the end

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

Last week

The air of monday.. Definitely wasn't a good one. I'm going be done with april. Just did my duty last week..

Tuesday isn't that great, but my time had grown wings and yes are they flying through this week. Just cleared midweek and looks like thursday and friday would be an easy day with 2 half days off.
Appointment on friday and I'm force to clear off for my thursday as there're no superiors in camp.

Felt so unusually surreal today. Unusually..

& Y the hell no one believe I enjoy appreciating art?

***

Guess I would probably go do some self discovery out there on thursday~ it's time I take some time off for myself.

***

the week for d-day..
_the end

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

[Full Movie] 那些年, 我們一起追的女孩; You Are The Apple Of My Eye (HD 720p)

a movie for you: [Full Movie] 那些年, 我們一起追的女孩; You Are The Apple Of My Eye (HD 720p)



 



it's a very good movie so it's a pity if you missed it.
so i'll just post out movies here for bored people, who're all over the whole, trying their luck for this movie up on the net. it's still quite rare, so i'd hope they chance upon my blog to watch this awesome movie.

Cheers.

can't help how much this movie, swept me off my feet. it's a good food for thought

170412

We're at the third week of April alrdy.. Fast isn't it? Been doing nothing much, literally just rotting my weekends away. And things definitely aint look good for me with my duty coming up at this saturday. So, FML.

Tuesday today and monday kinda suck. Wait, didn't monday always suck? Finally, tried out Dota 2 since it's been in my steam for damn long. and well it kinda rocks, felt like a different game, with the air of familiarity with it. Nicer graphics, heroes, with abit of different set of pros and cons to look at.. But nevertheless, just as I thought things would be different, they're sadly the same thou.

Leavers. Feeders. You name it u get it. Its like the same ol' garena thing. If you're losing, leave.

***

My day wasn't that bad.. It just past slowly. Life's such mystery
_the end

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}

Time of our lives

Cramped like sardine on 961, I'm finally on my way home.. Weekends.. Can't believe I survived the 5 days work week.

Things haven't been look good recently, the rains the storms. Why must our life have downs that brings us to the rock bottom pits down in our heart..?
Again, playing the silent therapist. I'd been there, I know nth helps. Nth could remedy a cut on your heart.

Not just that, another guy in my social link's having brother issues too.. All this.. Just makes me feel so helpless. I'd wish I'd more time, to make things better. That explains why I didn't have any appointment this week. I couldn't just let my bro tank all the shit when he's in this state. That's the least I could do.. Guess that's the least.

I won't appreciate such dramas, I questioned the unfairness. Maybe it's karma, maybe it's the inevitable chain cycle.. I don't know.. I just can't take it lying down for us sensitive guys.
It's like a bless and a curse, as if being bestowed with the third eye, what we see hear felt, amplified. And the arrogant doesn't feel a shit, but we do, we saw we feel. Sometimes the truth's hurtful too. Down there, with doubts fear churning out this evil concoction that send u down to the deepest pit of life.

And you bro, whatever you pursue. Wherever you go, I'm pretty sure our life will cross one day. just that it isn't here yet. Thou we spend more than half of our working day together. You know your time's here. Let's hang out someday. The whole of our club and the dept peeps. Huat ah~

Bro number 3. You know how weird our social link was form. We got pretty close, despite having time for each other. I know you'd got your life, and I'd got mine. thou we tried to compromise.. I felt sorry for you bro.. For your expensive lesson in life. Nevertheless, it'd been a joy that we once fought in tartarus tgt..
My fingers, tired, spitting out this chunk of lousy passage couldn't express how I feel. Couldn't...

***

hope things would be better for my guys. Hoping that going thru this rough patch would make you guys stronger.. to a better man.

Cheers.

***

I won't really like to end things on this depress note, but.. Seeing defeats after defeats, just makes me feel pretty down.. I hope this weekend is good enough to numb us all.. Us all..
_the end

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{Sent from my BlackBerry.}