a beautiful song that i revisited after a long time..

-

i'm tired, yet i want to change.
been draining alot of my reserve brain juice,
straining my body, my muscle gets back to stiffness as i just lay down, drifting to slumber.
i can feel it,
it's coming,
i should get back on my feet.
yes,
back on my feet.
the winds are finally coming,
it's time i ran down the decks, pull the sails and get ready for the wind.

everything feels so surreal.

nomorewishing

 Hayley Taylor - No More Wishing



wake up, I'm trying to show you
I wanna come clean
you mean more than you should mean
but I'm willing to be

the one that you put on a pedestal
the one that you see in your dreams
the one that you hide your true self from
the one you want to please


and I know that it's wrong to want something
so false and so fake
it's not that I want to fix you
I just want to get my way

cause you're the one that I put on a pedestal
the one who keeps coming back to me
the one that I gave my whole heart to
the one who makes me believe

I want a love that's side by side
I want a love that holds me tight
I want a love that feels like a dream
but when I wake up, he's still there with me

so put me up on a pedestal
give me everything I need
but give it to me so completely
that there will be no more wishing
no more wishing
no more wishing
no more wishing

Confine

Took a 30mins power nap. Before dipping my fat naked body into the warm showers.

Slacked awhile before I reluctantly wriggled my toes once again into my pair of size 9 boots. Procrastinated alittle, and 2 MVs and a full nail cut session would cost a sprint to the bus stop for me D:

Ah, sink hole along woodlands road. happening. Hope the bus gets reroute and have a temporary bus stop nearer to my place.

Fml. I could feel their weird stare as everyone on the bus was thinking why the fuck would someone, dressed in smart 4 climb up the fucking bus on a weekend.

***

Sleep,
Sleep,
So tired, so active. Drifting in and out of slumber. The rain makes it so hard for us to do our job properly. Yep. Free slavery when it comes to confinement, clean this clean that, paint this paint that.

I just want to serve and go peacefully.

os

[typing on reserve brain juice. 6.50 am in the morning. pardon me]

i miss the beautiful morning
when the first thing i would ever see is your face.

we spent the day at starbucks,
playing pixel people,
slacking at the library.
we'd come so far..
simplicity at it's best.

celebrated xp's bday with adel and her sisters.
awkward much.
 


i have a thing for Oz spin-offs and this one definitely didn't left me feeling disappointed and cursing myself while still seated after the credits starts rolling

thank you. thank you.
i'm flattered.
& i'm too shy o_o

Faux Naif

14march

Brotherhood

"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."

"As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones."

"Making a hundred friends is not a miracle.  The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you."

13 March

I'm early(:
I walked down the road,
Half smiling.
The winds had changed, I hope.
Started running, starting to feel just alittle more alive. I have my loved one, my brothers right by me. Even thou It might just be a handful, it's this handful that would fight right by me.

Slowly,
I walked down the grassy slope,
I can still feel the strain on my left knee.
It hurts abit but at least it show's something.

慢舞

愛 像跳慢舞 緊緊抓著一起踏步
　選對舞伴萬眾矚目
　但 我們舞步 為了追尋完美
　練太熟了反而虛偽

　飛旋 一起飛旋 自我麻醉
　旋轉 不停旋轉 忘了 彼此抓緊
此空虛無止　漫步跳舞
　小心翼翼舞步

　心裡有數　是最後支舞
　就閉眼忘了呼吸的投入

　像漫步跳舞　我們不哭
　用默默地祝福
　只等這遠去 漸漸靜下來
　我們學不會跳的慢舞　結束


***

can't....
lose...
my...
drive....
HUAT

Monday 11March

Monday.
I woke up..
Reluctantly.

Maybe is the anti-work system. I don't know.. I'm always dead tired on weekdays. And I'm extra energetic during the weekends. I can function good enough on 6 hours of sleep or less.

Monday...
It's the thought of meeting you that's keeping me alive.
Nothing else matters.
Fluttering dreams.

II

080313

Day 2,
Day 2..
It didn't feel like a weekend,
Like it usually would.

What went wrong?
I was happily living my life awhile ago,
Before this came over,
Crumble my dreams,
Took away my motivation
Leave me like an empty shell.
I use to count my blessing,
Enjoy and savor every bit of happiness bestowed to me. Like how it really work when u woke up with a smile and tell yourself today's definitely gonna be a good day. And how it turn out well and how u tell your other half inside you, "see I told ya".

***

Didn't manage to run due to the rain, I definitely am going to come out with something. Definitely... Fuck.

Today, I listen to songs that I haven been listening for months. Threw in some beats over there.

1. Papermoon
2. Juniel - illa illa
3. Titanium
4. Lights - Siberia
5. Call me maybe
6. Dreams come true
7. Ash like Snow
8. Beast - Midnight Sun
9. F(x) - Electric Shock

Trying real bad to warm myself up for the weekends :/

***

I sat there,
While watching my brothers drone on..
How shallow have u become?
I wanted to save you,
But there's just so much I can do..
Brother..

make it count

little things i wanna change that can be done.

1. Start Running Weekly
2. Take the Stairs everyday
3. Shower with cold water
4. Practice Guitar Weekly
5. 2 Days Lo-Carb Diet Per Week

Ah, the cooling morning breeze.
My 3 days break make it felt like weekends and today felt so much like monday.
I woke up, get prepped and head off nevertheless with a smile on my face since weekends begins tomorrow.

***

I'd got work todo.
Now I see, what work it is.
Work. to change myself,
Change my life,
Enrich my mind,




Judgment.

Requiem

Brother,
My dearest brother.
One of my dearest brother,
A brother whom I'll stand by at his wedding, shaking his hand as he receive the girl of his dreams at the chapel.

We sat there.. Together, sipping coffee, waiting for an answer that never seem to come. I don't know how long we would be sitting there for but seems like it won't be anytime soon.

The leap of faith, the girl that'll indefinitely change your life. The girl that you're suppose to look for. The girl who'll be in your all, came to your life, like fairy tale, appearing to be the one that you'd been looking for. We rejoice the good ol' days, we look back at how it really could have been better if the princess didn't have cold feet.

Why.. Why?? Would she go back and succumb to salvery when she could elope to the city of dreams with the prince? That.. We'll never know..

But brother, you would be fine. You will find happiness, answers.. And peace.

***

大火

作詞Lyricist：姚若龍
作曲Composer：馬奕強

有座巨大的停了的時鐘
傾倒在趕路的途中 擋我 向前走
有隻黑色的老鷹在俯衝
叼走了你送的承諾 回頭 冷冷看我

有陣將眼淚掃落的狂風
掀起了隱藏的疼痛 把我 變赤裸
我為蔓延的回憶除草了
心中卻長出盛開的 寂寞 原來是夢

有些傷痕像場大火 把心燒焦難以復活
不碰了好像忘了 恐懼卻在腦海住著
重複卡在一個 重要的時刻 不自覺就會退縮
連幸福也克制著 覺得什麼都會變的
防備著平靜到最後 連愛也透著冷漠(獨自寂寞)

有人說我的微笑是暖的
心裡卻很難被感動 狠狠 解剖我
從不是有意想害誰難過
甚至會沮喪一直沒突破 沉重的殼

有些傷痕像場大火 把心燒焦難以復活
可是我 想要忘了 恐懼如何把我上鎖
期待陽光熾熱 愛來的時刻 能用力去擁抱著
多幸福就多快樂 不讓未知成為負荷
投入的留下了每一刻 不怕的人 最富有

人太脆弱 會不停錯過
太多寶貴的 都需要跋涉 才可以獲得
太多璀璨的 越隔著夜色 越光芒四射

Sadtheday

Sad, truly sad..
I reluctantly wriggled my toes into my socks, slipped my toes into my boots..
Darn.. I can still feel the warmth of my boots. It'd only been less than 18 hours ago before my weekends started.

Damn duty. But yea, it's called duty for a reason, so I'll have to get my sorry ass in camp. I'm somehow forward to it. Spend the night loading up movies, not sleeping really a lot. Well u're forced to get ample rest, and there're 4 other sorry asses waiting for you over there.

I'll just get it over and done with. Then I'm done for march(:

Quietly serve and quietly leaves. Just like the gentle wind..

MAAD

My heart skipped a beat when I realize that the obedience wives club is performing today. Thought it's next friday as I got the date wrong. I immediately summoned aaron up on whatsapp, dragging him to go with me.

We started our little journey after a brieft catchup dinner @ plaza's macdonald's.
Situated at the red dot museum, we could never imagine what awaits for us there right after we got down the mrt and stroll towards maxell. Wow.. I went wow. Literally...

It's a cool place.
Or a hub, we call it. Food, wine, bistro, pub. Food aside~ there's a whole lot of cool fleas, lining up along the outside, and clutter in the inside. Shops, exhibition, art fest, innovation fair, home decor shops and everything. Artist, musicians, everyone just gathers there, like a small community.
The air felt different, the people felt different. Not a those stereotypical mainstream people which you might saw from elsewhere. They are different, and they dare to be. Respecto~

A patch of mat lays in a corning, right infront of instruments and audio set ups. The bands roar to life, uplifting the atmosphere (or killing it). Operating from 5am-midnight, MAAD would definitely be a place where I would go again, definitely (:

P.S. Got no idea, why I love our local art scene so much.

Quiet night indeed, and my only regret is missing the performance I wanted to catch. We strolled down ann siang, beer in hand, exploring streets, and even the duxton. Thought we could make it to it's 50th storey sky garden, darn it's locked! Can somebody 'sign' us in please???!!

Sigh

"That'll be 3.80"
"U wanna wash hair anot?"

"No"

"Okay"

I'm relief it's finally over.
Yes, my hair cut. Today, is the first time that I'm cutting my hair without bathing before that, straight after camp. Well I don't know. Maybe it'd become like a habit, I'm use to bathing, smelling all nice with smooth hair before cutting it. A ritual? or I did it out of respect for the hairdresser? Well it's something that I always have to do before my haircut.

but I'm too shag to think today. So much have happened. So tired, suddenly I just wanna serve (my ns) quietly, get it over and done with. I know it's nothing new to felt underappreciated. But getting scolded and threatening to charge me just because I came work late despite taking medicine and sick? Getting scowled at, despiting taking pride in my work which have a pathetic payout and saying u would not have sympathy for me. I'd taken it all, in the saf. Humiliation, insults.

Not that I would run to my parents, since I'd learn a fair share of sucking it up.

I just need my superior to be alittle understanding, I don't need any fucking sympathy. So what that my life's not fucking sheltered? I know being late
Is my fault. But you do not have to shred off all the single bit of the due respect and spit on it? I

The 2nd incident of the year, that made me hate wearing green alittle more.
We're here to prepare for war, not to...

shall not dwell in it anymore. What else could beat my first ever coming confinement, the one I got for getting off the vehicle too slow. He even reported it as "refusal" to get off vehicle. Injustice, really.. Injustice. I don't even dare tell my parents about it. It makes me feel so ashamed of myself (at that point of time) to be wearing the Singapore Army Uniform. I use to take pride it in, my job, the people, the environment, how exciting it is. How we learn from each other... Less the injustice.

Moving on, 1 more day to weekends, yet I'm not even looking forward to it. Duty fml zzz.

Unusual ways to burn calories!
*(From dailypix.me!)

Eat plain popcorn
Shake leg
Skip steps when climbing stairs
Text like mad (1hr = 132 cal.)
Eat while standing
Laugh (15mins = 50cal.)
Rearranging furnitures (30mins = 256cal.)
Eat spicy food
Put on lip gloss (765 x = 100cal.)
Take a cold shower
Give massage (30mins = 100cal.)
Hair drying
Stand on your tippy toes
Sit on a balance ball

Huat!

No matter how down your life is, it's not over -Ronnie Tan

nth

so many problems, unsolved.
so many hurdles
so many words,
so many things i have to say.

but when you're here,
i'm speechless,
nothing else matters anymore...

Pas de deux

Yesterday,
I could smell the winds of blues blowing already. Been on this emo-wreck phase, and to top it off, I'd got duty.
Gyess I could do with some day off my computer and emo-ing.

***

I couldn't sleep a wink, I'd been having insomia for like 2/3 weeks and it's killing me the fact that I can sleep the moment I close my eyes. Rolling around, trying to clear my thoughts, then again realize I'm thinking of things to clear my thoughts which ironically ruined the whole point.
Unmotivated, lazy, totally opposite of goal driven and I feel so much like a burst tyre, except I'm getting fatter with all the food.

Woke up at 5 where I decide to just get out of bed and chill on my computer. I'm so awake, wide awake. I couldn't even close my eyes as my sense of awareness heightens. The sound of the fan irritates me as I subconsciously counts the rhythm, wait for the wind, I could hear everything, amidst the stupid ringing sound that would probably stay with me for the rest of my life. I could hear the music from my brothers room, could even feel the lights underneath my door that was on.

"So fuck this shit"
"Since u want it that way" I told my body which didn't want rest.
Got up and on my computer, before slumping my heavy body onto my chair while waiting for my pc beamed to life.
Watched drama while stuffing snacks into my mouth.
FML.

Left the house before I blurry double check my bag for duty.

***

I miss our paux de deux.
The one and only, irreplaceable one.
The graceful steps,
How we give, how we take, vice versa.
How closely knitted,
The joyous energy,
Floating through the air.
A fairy tale, woven out of fate and destiny.

paux de deux,
Graceful steps throughout the dusk.
Till we see the morning sun,
It'd been an enjoyable worthy run

***

My bus throttled down the uneven roads, as I hit away on my berry keypad. Maybe this is the best way I release.

**

V

I miss u,
I don't want to hear your voice,
For it would only break my heart more.
Its never easy to take my mind off you.


Purging into numbness again.
The inevitable emptiness.
Then we will falter..

***

Set an alarm, but woke up before the alarm could sound. Guess I really hate wasting my weekends.

A day down a the V again, before having lunch over the last episode of season 3 of how I met your mother before heading down. Humid it is, guess we eventually settle down. Sort of became a habit to blog otw back since it's such a long bus ride back~

Usual coffee talks. And what's more?



***

Heading back early thou, brothers gathering over at my place, dinner, bai nian. And hopefully a great lan session to end the week.