Happy 2019!

Sorry for stating the obvious but I'm not here anymore~
For those who would like updates, please hit me up on my socials :3

H-U-A-T!

How Climbing the Bukhansan;(A Mountain) Changed My Life.

After watching Everest, a film based on a true disaster in the 1996, I left the cinema with a sunken heart and an indescribable feeling of condolences. It was in the movies, when they were talking about “why do you climbed a mountain?” that, made me went through a series of introspection.

Born physically weak due to my drug allergy, I wasn't in my best of form when I was a child and because of that nature, my parents used to be very protective of me, fearing that I might injured or exhaust myself as I’d been through a few episode of over exhaustion. So I grow to be a very conservative and indoor person, who don’t take any sort of ‘risk’ nor do I move around much. Hence I always had a hard time when it comes to physically taxing activities. To top it off, sports wasn't in my best of interest, so I'm basically like a “mage” in real life. Except I don’t have any magical powers.

Earlier last year, I travelled to Seoul with a few of my close friends whom I can call family. My worst fear is confirmed when we were going to climb the Bukhansan;the highest peak in Seoul, when we’re there.

“It’s very safe one”, that’s what they all always said. Initially, I was relief when they decided to postpone the plan, hoping that they would scrap this one off. What are the odds of coming here again “the next time?” The day had finally come and my inside was hoping for a bad weather to turn this one around. Nothing happens. So before we know it, we are wandering around the nature park, looking for the trail to ascend.

Used to be depressed with mild anxiety disorder, my personality wasn't the best concoction for any sort of risk taking activities. Bred with an acute phobia of death and roller coasters, my heart always skipped a beat when I see people being hurled up into the skies or when I'm peering over ledges and my mind would start ‘playing’ the worst possible scenario that could happen, which usually includes overly exaggerated deaths.

Repeating mantras of positivity, I started the hike with a tinge of uneasiness, and fear.
“Hang in there.”
“You love long walks, so you’re gonna love this.”
“Slow and steady.”
“It’s just walking, and more walking, and a little bit of climbing.”

It was tough, in fact a gruelling moment for me. The trails are beyond uneven, and my worn off Adidas Superstar can only do so much. There are even several times that I almost sprained my leg as I could feel my feet twisting sideways before springing back. I almost tripped and almost sprained as well. 

“God, I could have sprained my legs.”
“God, I could have died if I had missed my footing.”

As much as my mental state is starting to fail me, my physical state is crumbling as well. My heart beats escalates beyond bearable and I was unable to catch my breath. My head is spinning and I felt a slight dizziness, just like how any of my past episodes of over exhaustion. My lips are as dry as paper and no amount of water could moist it. Soon I started to breath really deeply while my body heave up and down involuntarily, it seems like my nostril is not big enough, or I'm not taking in enough oxygen to fuel my body.

Nothing, but one word came to my mind.

“Breathe.”

I realized I’d been panicking. It is probably my old persona trying to haunt me. Or was it my negativity? I don’t know. My family and friends are kind enough to take extra care of me in fact. Checking in with me every now and then, making sure I was okay. We took a few breaks here and there, and every time I sat down, I try to recompose myself each time during the breaks. I could have almost quitted halfway, but their words of encouraging keeps me from breaking.

Before I know it, I started to adapt to the air in the altitude, I started to breathe okay. Before I know it, I started to enjoy it. I looked out to the greens, to the mountains, just enjoying the nature for once in my 23 years of life. I’d been turning away from all this, and right now I'm looking at all of them at once.

We even trekked to the wrong side as we found ourselves at the peak of the lower altitude, there are several peaks that was up in the clouds and we sort of asked around before resuming the hike.
“So which one ah?”
“The next one only.”
“Ahh okay okay!”
My inside were beaming since it’s just the next one. My mind just wanted to get this over at done with. Thinking back, I'm now glad they lied to me about the distance that we were about to cover. (Didn't thought much about it and I just followed the trail).

Things got worse when it’s just rocks which lays out in almost a vertical elevation. We slowly navigate across, up, and down nature’s territory; the rocks, the logs, and the never-ending flights of stairs. We even have some parts where there’s just a harness for us to hold, and a thin piece of rock that’s just enough for one of us to stand on as we move slowly across the mountain.

Almost there, my mind’s a blank once I'm at it. I shut myself out from everyone else and starts clenching into the built on harness, pulling myself up bit by bit, while telling myself I'm not settling for the second best, I'm going for the peak. Yes, I'm going for the peak. Eyes on the prize, I make my way up step by step as I looked towards the peak which gradually became visible over time.

We reached the first point of the peak, a giant plateau where everyone just sits there, picnic, chitchat and of course, take photographs. We started to lay down, enjoy the air, and starts to take out the food and snacks that we bought. It’s so comfortable that we even took a short napped there. From here, I could see a huge chunk of the city, everything seems so small, just like a toy model of Seoul. The air at the peak is beyond refreshing, with every breath, I could felt the fresh mountain air travel down into my body, detoxifying me. We then climbed up to the main peak, the highest point of Seoul. I shut myself out again, this time voluntarily, as I felt my goosebumps rising; in fact I felt it now too as I was reliving this moment while I'm typing.
“You did it, yes, you did it”
“look out there, the highest point of Seoul, and you did it”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and whispered thank you before I starts to descend from the mountain.

You know the moment when you experience changes? Like when you could literally felt something inside you change? At that glowing moment, I felt it. I felt how opening to mountaineering changed me. I could felt something bloomed inside me, not that I have suddenly found a new passion for mountaineering. I had learnt how one could muster their willpower and determination, or rather, how I could muster my willpower and keep going forward when I'm pushing myself to the limits. I never believed I could conquered a mountain, but I have nevertheless done it. For once, I was proud of myself. My companions definitely deserve credits for keeping me at bay for I would not have made it to the top if not their patience, and encouragements. That kept me going, and I didn't want to give up, nor do I want to disappoint anyone of them. And maybe… just maybe, I owe it to myself too, for I would not have made it had I decided to throw the towel.

Seoul is now definitely going to be one of the most important cities in my life where I had many life changing moments. And conquering the Bukhansan is definitely one of them.

P.S. not saying everyone should go climb a mountain now, but you know the gist of it. Be adventurous, take a leap. You'll be surprise at where it takes you.

lights

My fingers twitched as I was trying to light up my stick. My burnt lungs,

The goosebumps on my arms rise in harmony while the wind howled in their sarcastic joy. I stood at the top of the multi-storey carpark. Peering over at the abyss of scattered lights, rain falls, while leaving the skies with a tinge of the light.

My eyes jotted aimlessly, from lights to lights overlooking the now miniature estate from the top. Wandering about the stories of those living in their little box of light, looking at the vehicles trailing along the road in order. Like how everything is set into place now.

I’d always pondered over our significance in the universe, how little we seem in the whole galaxy. How people should contemplate life, or probably I should say how deep we should go.

They say ignorance is bliss, the likes of those corporate grunt and their simplified objectives. Nothing is ever complicated to them. They work, they pay the bills, fall in love, have their own family. Whereas the curse of the enlightened took the burden of awareness. We harness nothing but thoughts which try to drown the supercomputer that we wear on our head.

You know how they say how perfections sees nothing but short comings, how thinkers see nothing but problems. We’re forever fighting to be ahead, but yet our invisible opponent always takes the lead.

Time is ticking. I’m lost. Yet, I’d got not much time left, but it is what I have to spare. To take a breather off things. Rushing my mental self to make a decision, I’d come at nothing but to find myself lazing, feeling my hand around my comfort zone. What path I have to take, what mastery do I have to perfect?

So what is our purpose of life?
What do we do? How are we supposed to know what are we here for?
Where should we go?

Questions like this, probe my mind. But yet, we only have a short life of limited time to find out. 

(image source)

A Girl (the one)

I want a girl

Just a girl

I could forgo, anything else.

The possible dates,

The things that will add any extra distance between us,

The ego boost when you’re recounting your “game” to your brothers.

Anything… And everything else would be just a background noise…

She doesn’t have to be the prettiest girl in the world, nor does she have to be rich.

She doesn’t have to be a talent. She doesn’t have to balance on a ball while spinning a plate with a chopstick. She could be just about anyone you would see in the concrete jungle, while you’re commuting, but you’re too engrossed in being selfish and you couldn’t see how she glows.

She might come across as just another’ someone to you. But not for me.

Because it’s the inside that matters, and everyone else are just going for the superficial. I don’t need the superficial to tell me that I’d done great. I don’t need a babe to let people acknowledge me. I don’t need to show off because what matters is when I’m walking back home smiling after our date. That’s what it matters. And fuck off with the hi-fives. I’m probably just a conventional loser inside.

She’s someone whom I can wake up to everyday, someone whom I will catch when she falls. Just someone, who makes it all worthwhile.

She’ll be the pain in the ass that I could never get angry with

The one that I’ll hold while we parade down the streets

The one who laugh at all of my lousy jokes

The one who probably oversee my looks and love me for who I really am

The one I can be candid with

The one who truly cares for me

The one who wants the best for me

The one who play fight with me on our bed and we’ll eventually make out

The one who I can snuggle with knowing that nothing else matters (for now)

The one who nags at my bad habits,

The one who never stops fighting for our future.

The one who could looked me genuinely in my eyes while she talks, and when she does that I wish that time could stop. Or rather (everyone else can just be gone for a minute so we could be the only 2 person in our world)

She’ll be the one who I can looked at, seeing nothing but our future together.

She’ll definitely be the one that I would love to look after.

She’ll be the one that I’m willing to give up the possible future with anyone else for.

Because she’s the only one I want to be with...

"I love you bae"

P.S. maybe we can all grow old and fat together since I’m getting a huge head start with all the mac & cheese and truffle fries

Low vs High Grade Label Goods.

 

Like what you see?
This is probably what most blog/online shops would put to attract customers.

 Low vs High Grade Label Goods. (Givenchy/HBA/etc)

I'd always adored the simplicity of online shopping. You click, you browse, you pay and you get your stuff. That's how simple it can get. The tough part is, however, is whether is the good up to your standard. And the most annoying part of all? You can't seem to pull off what the model has done. The "real" item that we'd received however, is always sometimes a wee-bit different compared to what we really saw.

When demanding for real life/actual product photos, most blog shop owners actually would say things like "what you see is what you get", "don't ask for actual photos", "pre-orders only".
Sounds familiar? In all honesty, some owners are too lazy/didn't even saw the actual product before.

So the RAWR Store decided to step in. Aiming to be different compared to most online stores,
the RAWR Store is a Singapore based online store that carries a wide array of goods, from clothes to fashion accessories, and you name it, life style goods, stickers, mat, figurines & toys. We would even bring in different grades of clothings, and also showing you the difference of what people are selling. Such as 1-"free size" A grade, Entry level AAA Grade, and what we call the "Hype" Grade (Probably one of the most similar goods that we can get ours hands on).

So this is what usually known as the AAA Grade, a level higher than the 1 size low grade. We termed this as the "Entry" Level Grade. Comes in 2/3 sizes, the product is somewhat similar, but you can probably see that something is lacking.

Here's the 2nd grade of product that we carry. Looks better isn't it? Termed as the "Hype" Grade. This is the one you might want to be spotted cruising in town in. Nevertheless it is hard to tell at a glance, this product is one of the most similar ones that we can get our hands on. Some of the collection even comes with designated ziplock bags/dust bag/boxes and carriers. With proper packaging.

So, keep your eyes open & Enjoy shopping (:
Or u can come take a look at our newly opened RAWR Store! Click here to enter paradise

That is all there is to it

That pretty face, and how her smile blows you awhile while your eyes trace along her curves and wishes you could date someone like her.

The sleek hair he'd got while he walked down the dance floor with swag, effortlessly dodging the crowd.

We always judge the books by the cover, chasing faces affixing them together with a pretty back story to them in our mind or telling ourselves they're nice people and what nots.

People say that the body is simply the vessel to the soul. A lump of flesh that contained who you are, what you experienced, a collection of what could possibly make you unique and different among many others.

However, you could say, the attractive people are living life in "Easy" mode. That, I would no doubt have to agree. Amongst my people watching chronicles, or just by simply observing my attractive friends. They got what they want; they could mesmerize rich guys or impress the prettiest girls in club. But isn't that all that they can do? From the appearance that is. At the end of the day, they're still like everyone else. Beneath that pretty face, apart from the shallow ones, minus the happy go luckies. I'd seen deep ones who're so lonely and scared. The people who don't even know who are the real friends. Are they there for me because I'm attractive? What if I'm not? What if she's here just because I'm rich? Why are they taking favors?

At the end of the day, physical appearance only matter "that" much. Like how grooming and cleanliness mattered. You wouldn't want to turn up on a date with slippers and a loose collar tee right? What we really need is people who really loves us, respect us for who we are. People we're comfortable to be ourselves with, we can be real with, amidst from all the stereotypical minions that'd been mold and formed by the society. So at the very least, learn to love yourself (ditch that loose collar tee please), be yourself and you would meet others who love you the way you are.

Whether are you attractive, it is all that is inside that matter.

Yes it could be an excellent marketing campaign, but when people open up the packaging...

That, really is all there is to it.

Isn't it?

(image source)

I shouldn't even be writing this...

I shouldn't even be writing this...

After a series of back spaces, closing and opening of my word document, I'm still staring blankly at the bright white sheet which stares straight back at me.

I took a sip at my mocha while I take a look around the crowd in the comfort of Cineleisure's Starbucks.

As for what I made is only based on my assumptions and observations, for people watching is what I do to pass time.

That girl must have left after doing her virtual rounds of online shopping. Late dinner I guess. She seemed to be sitting there for quite some time, credit card out, probably only to camp for the 7pm release of the new collection.

Bunch of cheapo students are still hogging onto 2 round tables with only 3 drinks. And how dare they pass off the leftovers left by the previous customers as theirs.

3 dudes sniggering, heads hovering over a phone. Probably on Tinder.

A guy and a girl walk in towards the counter, ordering their drinks separately, with the guy standing at the back, hands in his pocket trying to be as gentlemanly as possible. While the girl sub consciously kicked up one of her legs while ordering.

The 3 dudes turn heads and elbowed each other, nudging and sniggering as if they can't be more obvious.

"Right lah, this one swipe right. Chio sia" (i knew it)

"The guy lucky only"

Tsk. They aren't even together.

After the guy ordered his drink, they stood awkwardly at the other side, while the guy speaks with his hand scratching his head. I would love to help, but I'm probably too caught up with people watching.

I dart my eyes out to the smoking area outside as I could hear the sound of the chatter streaming in from the sides.

"Eh, smoke bo jio?!" a guy in office wear shouted as he brisk walked over towards the group of corporate smokers.

I couldn't hear what comes after, but what it seems like are a series of vulgarities hurdled towards his boss.

They finally got their drink, and they sat opposite each other. I could see the guy trying really hard to stand out of the lines of the friendzone while she speak and play with the extra straws that she took to keep her hands busy.

Smoke coming from behind me?

I knew it, it must be one of those much of lazy fuckers who're too lazy to walk out to take a puff.

I would do this too anyway if i have a pack with me now.

If only I'm in Korea. God, i really miss Korea. The cafes there come with smoking area.

And the cigarettes there are fucking cheap.

I looked at the Korea write up that I'd been pushing off for a month.

Fuck it.

I looked back at the 3 guys who're looking out at the bunch of CHIJ girls who're strolling towards SCAPE. If only they knew that they would turn materialistic once they grew up. This is how society shaped the most of us isn't it? They looked pretty much the same though, hooked hands, walking as if they're out from gossip girls. Chasing reality flicks and trying to be cool. They still have a long way to go though I admit the one in the middle would definitely grow to be a head turner.

My phone vibrated & the notification pans out, stating that I'd got a match.

Sorry I didn't say I'm any much different.

"omgosh, it seems like we're a match"

"it is, heh. Nice to know you(:"

"my first time here though, didn't know i'll get a match so fast >_<"

"I should be a one feeling thankful though, for being matched with such a pretty face"

I couldn't read out the rest of the mushy, cliche messages which i use to reel them in,

The conversation drones on while I looked around, while typing occasionally.

"okay lah, have to go liao kin kin, movie starting already"

"later if got chio bu let me sit inside leh"

The 3 guys left, my money is on Hercules.

The guy-girl friends are still there, talking. The girl seems to be pouring her heart out though. Just break up? Or on the verge of doing so?

That guy didn't look so bad though, upon a closer inspection of his fashion sense and looks. I'm secretly rooting for the guy as he seems to be cheering her up.

Cheapo Students still here, nothing exciting. Bunch of Caucasians who prefer their coffee to go,

And a group of noisy chics who just walked in.

"what drink you ordering?"

"what size ah?"

"venti ah?"

"venti too big la, i jian fei leh"

"arbo we order big one then share la, cheaper also leh"

I won't get myself bothered by a bunches of 5s & 6s. But they're still interesting to watch. Talking loudly, armed with ridiculously gigantic iPhone cases which probably couldn't even fit into their back pocket. I wish at least their delicate brains would remind them to take their phone after puking over the toilet bowl in the club later. Ladies night.

Whoever's smoking behind me is trying to cook something I'm sure.

Or was he/she trying to burn something for this special festive month of the year.

Hey dude, wait, no, don't take watch a YouTube video with her on your phone.

Fuck, you just ruined it. I could see how he tries to move the phone to the middle and gives all of us a free showcase of the latest KPop song. You should go for something funny instead lah walao...

The vibrations on my phone jot me back before I could comment any further.

"then you leh? never go happening?"

"i thought it's the time of your week today? Ladies night, never go pick up yan dao ah?"

"dont have leh, no friends to go with also"

"need a wing man anot? i very brother one, u tell me who you like, i confirm help you get"

I smiled to myself as I typed that one out. Fuck, I'm my own fucking wingman. (self-five)

"hahas sure anot, then i also very sister one, if you see anyone you like, i help you get also"

(girls who laugh with an S. is an Ass)

"sure, sure. Friends help each other out what, don't they? :3"

(I even threw in an emoticon for good measure)

"okay okay. I'll see you outside Zouk at 10? I now nothing to do also. We can go get some cheap drinks from holiday inn to drink then we go in ah"

"okok can, I'll see you there in abit"

"okay, I dont use tinder often, so anything u can text/whatsapp me @ 9XXXXXXX"

I saved her number immediately and spam refresh on my whatsapp until her display photo came up.

Not that bad, together with her face shots from tinder, she could very well be a high 7. Or maybe an 8 if she can hold a conversation.

Seems like i got myself someone for tonight.

I closed the lid of my macbook, and I took a glance at the bunch of smokers behind me before I head towards to meet my target.

Cup Noodles Memories

It’s 4am in the morning before I decided to go down to get food. The weather is merciful and as I opened my wooden door, i could feel the gush of wind blowing to my face. My hands traced along the cold metal gate, finding the lock in the dark with ease before I went down to get food.

Nights like this, you know you’re lonely, when you’re down, or when you’re just plain hungry and you’re too lazy to wait for that mcdelivery since it’s too sinful and too expensive anyway. You’re always glad that there’s something open near you. A less than 5 minutes walk perhaps. Probably something you can rely on, something that’s open for you 24/7 a day.

I waltz along the NTUC, looking for stuff as i’m seemingly the only shopper there besides the security guard and a cashier. Ironically, sometimes it’s a good time to get some grocery shopping done in the middle of the night, without crowds. You could take all the time you want. And there wasn’t even a single soul in the queue.

I walked towards the cup noodles section. There’s a 2 for $2.65 offer and i took 2, along with some other goodies that I decided to stock up. And a carton of milk and cereal for days that I would like to eat healthy. As harmful as cup noodles can be, we still take it, like nicotine and spirits which we ended up puking over the toilet bowl in Zouk after a rough night.

I walked slowly across the road, looking around, enjoying the night breeze. Compared to the scorching weather we have it in the day, this couldn’t get any better. A cooling non humid night, throw in some regular night breeze. This is one of the few precious days when you won’t sweat after you leave your house. I started boiling water and took a shower while waiting when it all came to me.

The variety of brands of cup noodles, even though we have our personal favourite flavors, brands. It still brings about the same memories as a whole. Such being the good old chalet days at Whitesands when teenagers alike snagging cup noodles, and then sitting there. While the BBQ pit still lighted up in the middle of the night, we take turns cooking that left over sausage and chicken wings while we share secrets and gossip about our secondary school classmates. Miraculously our little circle of cup noodles session gets the clique alittle closer.

Or rather, it could just be any of the days, when you and your friends are slacking around some random estates when you guys are just craving for a bite. Before you know it, you’re holding the boiling cup noodles gently towards that playground which you guys sat there, blasting hand phone music. Reminiscing about your lost love, singing KTV songs out loud since no one is there to listen except your close ones.

Exchanging ghost stories, or talking about the ghastly tales that you’d encountered in the Fort Canning, Red House, or Old Changi Hospital in your old days. Sharing stories you’d heard, giving spirits of all sorts exotic nick names such as Michael, Sally, Ms P and Mr P fearing that being too obvious might draws them along. The feeling of exchanging and the thrill of feeling scare all the same when everyone’s getting the goosebumps while we hold onto the warm cup noodles to make us feels better.

Nothing could go better with a beer at this time in a convenience store than a hot cup noodle. Sitting by the beach, it’s only the sound of the waves crashing in and the constant slurping of the noodles, sipping an ice cold beer followed by rhythmic burps.

We ate instant ramyun too (cup noodles) when we travel too. In Korea, it was just a minute walk outside our guest house, where the familiar uncle of the Mini Stop greets us heartwarmingly whenever we came in our sleepwear and hoodies in the wee hours when hunger strikes. The best part of it? We’d got a seating area all set up and we could enjoy sitting there, enjoying the coolest of the breeze, blowing and sipping the hot noodles while sitting there chit-chats or even just quietly using our handphones while time goes by.

Or even like now, as I off the stove, open the contents then cooking it with a towel wrapped around then slowly bringing it into my room before I change up and dry my hair while waiting for it to be cooked. Finding the subtitles for my movie, then sitting down and properly enjoying my cup noodles over it before heading for slumber with my hunger satisfied.

It’s the cheapest food that gives us the best of memories, the food that is made available for us at anytime of the day, accompanied us through the best or worst of the nights. It could be a social snack, but it still has its magic when you’re eating alone. It might sound lame, but yet nostalgic, and beautiful I think, of how it accompanied us throughout the years of us growing up.

So what is your cup noodle stories?

My personal favorite?

eating it off on an ironing board in a post hotel room with the love of my life.

P.S. Happy 3000th

The 150 Bro Codes

[decided to do a complete compilation of the legit & 150 legendary bro code from "how i met your mother"]

1) Bros before hoes.

The bond between two men is stronger than that between a man and a woman because on an average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science.

2) A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.

Eg. If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would have been like "Dude, come on!!". The license to be stupid is why we have Bros in the first place.

3) If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full grown.

Corollary: naming a lap-dog after a pro wrestler or a character from a Steve McQueen movie does not absolve a Bro from this article.

4) A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason...no, not even that reason.

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a Broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.

5) Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

6) A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room.

Corollary: if a Bro gets naked in the locker room, all other Bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If your towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes.

7) A Bro never admits he can’t drive stick. Even after an accident.

8) A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.

There are no sentiments between two Bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail.

9) Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three" or "Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!" It’s still a hi-five and that Bro still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course.

10) A Bro will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.

It’s normal for a Bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a Bro most needs his Bro to remind him that there are plenty of chick in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming.

How to dump an chick in 6 words or less...

“Maybe try a side salad instead."

“Cute!! You ‘re growing a moustache too!!"

“She looks like a younger you!!"

“I will finance a boob job."

“Sorry I threw your shoes out."

“Your sister let me do that!!"

11) A Bro may ask another Bro(s) to help him move. But only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the Bro has vastly underestimated, either his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are- in most cases stuck in a doorway.

12) Bros do not share dessert.

13) All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman.

14) If a chick enquires about another Bros’ sexual history, a Bro shall honor the Br-ode of silence and play dumb. Better to have women think that all men are stupid than to tell the truth.

15) A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.

16) A Bro should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super bowl, World series and Play Mate of the year.

17) A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of screaming.

You just can’t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you.

18) If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.

19) A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro’s sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says "Dude, your sister’s hot!!".

Corollary: it is probably better for everyone if Bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other Bros are coming over.

20) A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

21) A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.

22) There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Women make excellent Bros because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the Chick Code.

23) When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.

24) When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

25) A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name.

The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days. The relationship between man and his skin lasts a life time and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has.

26) Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

27) A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.

Corollary: a Bro with a coat of fur on his back, keeps that thing covered at all times even at resort, pool or beach. Sorry, Bro

28) A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a fight between two fellow human beings of the female variety. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the fight first hand, a spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of girl fight via pictures, video or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

29) If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

30) A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

31) When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

32) A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.

33) When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to basketball toss his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.

34) Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Three-way.

35) A Bro never rents a chick flick.

36) When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

37) A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they're not that heavy.

38) Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

39) When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

The reason is Bro-flation. An unreasonable increase in female expectations about how Bros should act. You call a woman the next day, she tells her friends that you called the next day, and soon enough, women everywhere will expect guys to call them the next day. Before you know it, Bros the world over will find themselves trapped in relationships and all because you couldn't wait 96 little hours.

40) Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."

41) A Bro never cries.

Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend retire.

42) Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

43) A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

44) A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.

Exceptions – If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.

45) A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club/lupsup KTV

a) Cloth pockets are roomier and elastic allowing for a thicker wad of cash.

b) Denim clashes with the club’s leopard, zebra or other safari animal motif.

c) One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER – Zipper.

d) It’s a performance and deserves respect.

e) You don’t feel it as much on your kazoo

46) If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

47) A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.

48) A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged.

Corollary: A Bro also never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged.

49) When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's actually got it.

Exceptions: Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car and loading an expensive TV on to an expensive car.

50) If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

51) A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

52) A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably wouldn't kill him.

53) Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

54) A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th)

55) Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.

56) A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/chick Ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Bro-flation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

57) A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.

58) A Bro doesn't grow a mustache.

Exception: While shaving it’s more than ok for a Bro to keep the whiskers around his mouth till the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.

59) A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive

(Crazy expensive bail >(years you've been Bros) x $100)

60) A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.

61) If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

62) In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

*rock, paper, scissors for Bros

63) A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection.

Bro-tection forms a central pillar or, more accurately, a plastic coating for the central pillar of the Bro way of life.

While not legally or physically responsible for any repercussions of failing to provide protection, it’s not uncommon for a Bro to experience pangs of guilt after a fellow Bro becomes infected with a disease. Some of which, such as children, can last an entire lifetime.

64) A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.

65) A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.

Exception: A Bro is off the hook if a Bro orders a drink with an umbrella in it.

66) If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite backslide window has fully closed.

67) Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

68) If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent.

Exception: Dry spell trumps hot streak.

69) Duh.

70) A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.

71) As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.

Three Bros are cool

- Three amigos, Three musketeers, The police, Apollo 13 Astronauts and the Three stooges.

Four Bros are lame

– Mount Rushmore, The Fantastic Four, The Monkeys and Michael Jordan’s team mates.

72) A Bro never spell-checks.

73) When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.

74) At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

75) A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.

Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity and sometimes, with the help of extensive make-up and structural lingerie, even their body shape. As such, it is a fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Bro-fession.

76) If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic barry white-esque tone.

77) Bros don't cuddle.

78) A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. Rack jack is to steal your wingman’s chick.

To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on the Bro code, raise his right hand, and recite the wingman pledge.

79) At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall light-heartedly pretend he's not mortified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.

80) A Bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle (engaging in a threesome), short of completing the tricycle himself.

The total age of all the three should be less than 83.

81) A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

82) If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize to make amends. That's inhuman.

83) A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever " love" thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker.

Exceptions

- Coworker is an 8 or better,

- You are co-worker's superior

- coworker dresses a little slutty

- company recently sued for sexual harassment

- someone makes a bet that you can’t

- you are switching floors soon

- you and coworker get stuck in elevator

- coworker soon to be fired

- coworker hits on you

- coworker going through divorce

- coworker not offended when you "accidentally" email provocative self pictures to office.

84) Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV.

Corollary: And porn. Duh

85) If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.

Corollary: His Bros are required to whistle, even if they don’t know what they are whistling at.

86) When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.

87) A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.

88) If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the reprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.

89) A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro.

90) A Bro shows up at another Bro's party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six pack, he shall bring a six pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.

91) If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.

92) A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance.

93) Bros don't speak French to one another.

94) If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees.

95) A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally.

- The shoes tap

- The eye redirect

- The swift shin kick (D cups and up only, please)

- calling out guys guys guys (repeat till Bro notice chick)

96) Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire.

97) Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend.

98) A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event.

99) A Bro never asks for directions when lost.

Exception: A Bro may as for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area.

A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost.

A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he himself is not lost at all.

100) When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.

Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.

101) If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave and beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.

102) A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.

103) A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.

104) The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing...provided she looks good in it...but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.

105) If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It’s cool. No big whoop.

106) Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.

107) A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.

108) If a Bro forgets a guy's name he may call him "brah","dude", or "man" but never "Bro".

109) When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contrary.

110) If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome.

111) If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.

112) A Bro doesn't sing along to music in a bar.

Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke.

Exception to exception: No chick songs.

113) A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick

Acceptable age difference formula: Chick's age = (Guy's age divided by 2) + 7

114) If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall steam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable.

115) A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros.

116) A Bro shall not kill another Bro or that Bros’ chances to score with a chick.

117) A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel.

Corollary – It is fully expected that a Bro will try anything to gain possession of the remote, up to and including an attempt to flatulently smoke his Bro(s) out of the room.

118) When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.

119) When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle.

120) A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.

121) Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope.

Corollary: If a Bro experiences a catastrophic wipeout, he can always blame his bindings or the "conditions".

122) A Bro is always psyched. Always.

123) Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.

124) If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Browling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.

125) If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.

126) In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

127) A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.

128) A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.

129) If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.

130) If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.

131) While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.

132) If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ.

133) A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.

Exception – Pull my finger.

134) A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman.

135) If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copilot: (1) foot race to the car, (2) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.

136) When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a disinterested "It was okay".

Corollary: A Bro can never bring a camera back from a bachelor party. The only memento a Bro is allowed to bring back is something that can be destroyed by penicillin.

137) When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.

Equation: no. of pizzas = [3 x (number of Bros + yourself)]/8

138) A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.

Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.

139) Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro".

140) A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date.

(Lemon Law).

141) A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.

142) A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

143) When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.

144) It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wresting to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.

145) A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion.

146) A Bro refrains from using too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros.

Providing graphic detail unconsciously forces your Bros to picture you naked and there is no coming back from that.

147) If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back.

Exception:

- If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy.

- If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week.

- If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back.

148) A Bro doesn't listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

149) A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

150) No sex with you Bro's ex.

It is never ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bro’s ex. Violating